Odds || H.S.

XX

It's been a week since Harry left for London. The only contact we have is through the apartment group chat and more often than not, it is Addy who is using it. 

Addy and Chris have made up and more or less planned their lives together. She told me that they decided to get engaged next year and stay engaged for about four or five years before they getting married. It must be nice to be with a guy who knows exactly what he wants. 

 I have yet to tell her about what happened between Harry and me. I'm embarrassed and the last thing I want is her to blame me for his absence- she would be right to do so, but I can't have her mad at me too. So for the past week, I've been pretending everything is fine and if a wave of sadness hits, I go to my room and have a good cry. 

My plan has been foolproof until this very moment; my bedroom door swung open and Addy came bounding over to my bed. I quickly wiped away my stray tears and readjusted myself into a sitting position. 

"What's up?" I asked, holding back a sniffle. 

Her smile immediately dropped, "Lila, what happened? Did something happen at work?" she asked, climbing to sit across from me on the bed. 

"I- yeah work was rough I guess," I lied, "but at least it's over," I said forcing a small smile. 

"Yes, and we have all weekend to relax," she smiled, but the worry in her eyes was evident, "You know what? I had a pretty rough day at work too. We both deserve a good cry, I think you know what's coming" she said reaching for her phone. 

Please god, no I thought to myself. 

In college, whenever we both had a bad day, we would put on a sad song and just let the tears roll down our faces. We were pretty dramatic. I know if she does it now, I'll immediately break down. 

"Oooo I have the perfect song to hit us in the feels," she mused, scrolling through her songs. 

"Addy I don't th-" 

"Shh it's about to start," she said before pressing play and closing her eyes. 

The song began and I wish the earth would open up and swallow me whole. 

Meet Me in the Hallway  by Mr. Harry Styles himself 

My vision blurred by tears as I watch Addy gently sway from side to side. 

Just let me know, I'll be at the door, at the door

Hoping you'll come around

Just let me know, I'll be on the floor, on the floor

I covered my mouth to muffle the sound of sobs that threatened to escape. Hearing his voice hurt so badly, much less listening to the lyrics that were clearly written from a place of sorrow. It hurts to think I'm the one at the door in this situation and he straight up fled the country. I can't help but wonder if he is hurting too. I got so lost in thought I didn't realize that I was no longer muffling my sobs. I was breathing heavily and sobbing violently. 

"Oh my god Lila, you're hyperventilating," Addy exclaimed, shutting off the song and leaving the room. Within seconds she was back with a glass of water and demanded that I take deep breathes and drink it.  Ten minutes later my breathing was back to normal and Addy was sitting across from me, clearly awaiting some sort of explanation. 

"Work couldn't have been THAT bad," she said incredulously, "so enough with the bs, tell me what's gotten into you."

"Harry, he, I-"

"You miss Harry?" she asked, crinkling her nose," I do too, but he comes and goes, he'll be back soon," she said, grabbing my hand and squeezing it reassuringly. 

"He left because of me," I began, launching into the entire story beginning with her leaving to spend the weekend with Chris and ending with waking up to Harry gone.

 Throughout the story her eyes widened in disbelief, by the end, they were saucers. I went on to explain that I have been feeling this way since LA, in an attempt to be transparent. I didn't want to keep any more secrets and it felt so good to get everything off of my chest. 

"I understand if you're upset with me. I should have told you, but you had a lot going on-" she cut off my rambling by raising her hand signaling for me to stop. "Ok," I mumbled. 

I fiddled with the strings of my hoodie as we sat in silence. 

"I knew it," she said simply looking straight into my eyes. 

"I knew it," she repeated breaking out into a grin. "I mean it was obvious before, Jon and I joked about how 'Harry and Lila are end-game', all the time, but once we moved-in, it became clear as day."

"You knew?"I gaped at her, feeling surprised but also grateful as a wave of relief washed over me. I'm just thankful she isn't mad at me. 

"Yeah, well obviously not the dirty details, but I knew that there is a spark and it was just a matter of time before you guys acted on it," she explained, "Lila, I could never be mad at you about something like this, but Harry," she groaned and her eyebrows furrowed.

"I'm livid, how could he that to you? He admitted he liked you, then said he wouldn't date you, and left the city! If he thinks I'm going to let him get away with this, he's got another thing coming. He may be one of my best friends too, but you're always going to be my day-one Lil!" Addy continued, she is very riled up. 

"No, no, the last thing I want is for this to affect your relationship with him too!"

"That's fair, but what he did was wrong Lila!"

"Yeah, I know, but it takes two to tango," I mumbled.

"Yes, but who initiated the dance? He did," she declared before letting out a sigh, "So he left, what's going to happen now?"

"I continue to wallow in sadness and hope we can be friends again one day," I sighed. 

"B***h no, you're going to do the opposite. Harry may not want to date you right now, but someone will. He can't expect you to wait around for him. I think he needs an extra push," she smirked. 

"Addy, I'm not going to date someone to make Harry jealous, that's immature, and he already thinks of me as a child that needs to get more life experience or something."

"Exactly, you're going to get more dating experience and who knows, you might actually meet someone you like," she urged, "just think about it, the worst that will happen is you don't find anyone, but at least Harry will realize he can't just leave you wallowing in sadness. Show him you're stronger than that."

I nodded, maybe she's right. 

"I can't believe you let me play his song," she laughed, "next time I'm playing some Enya" 

~~~~