Once Upon a University Campus

Acceptance

A shiny new lock on the door broke her trance. She looked around to find herself back in front of her old hostel room. But now the new lock silently spoke for the new resident who had made the room her own.. The room was no longer Annika's refuge, no longer a place to hide and ride it out like many times before. It was only out of habit she landed up there, not out of careful consideration. She did not remember mentioning her hostel address to the rickshaw driver. Out of habit, she must have uttered her erstwhile address. It did not help that none of the few remaining residents of the summer-vacation-empty hostel stopped her on her way in, including Ranaji who was missing from his kiosk.

All she wanted to do was flee, curl up and wish for this nightmare to go away. How could she do it now? Where should she go now? She turned around hastily and walked out. A few yards from the hostel gate, she thought she heard someone call out for her. But she kept walking. Her brain had long stopped thinking. It was just her feet that took her to the same remote bus shelter where she had found herself, one rough moonlit night. She crashed on the bench and curled up. Nothing made sense any more. She had done her bit to the best of her ability. She thought she had paid her dues, with all the sleepless nights, all in a single minded pursuit of her goal. Her work was all she had known for a long time. That was her only link to the world beyond. But now, in a matter of hours, everything had changed. She, whose only worship was work, was jobless and unemployable, her hard work, her thesis, her publication, her research experience were all useless because of the small change in her relationship status. It felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. The cramp in her stomach grew violent. She clutched her knees tightly but it did not help. The blazing sun and dehydration worsened the cramp. It took awhile for the cramp to subside. When it did, she sat, with a straight spine like the Buddha. Her eyes were dry, as dry as it could get on a hot summer afternoon.

She had been very proud of her accomplishment. It was not vanity. It was pride, something that is a natural byproduct of herculean effort. That was how she saw herself and wanted the world to see her, through her work. Wasn't she the one that could not spend a single day without something to work on? It was only her research work and tutoring that had made her happy for a long long time till Shivaay came into her life. Through the many ups and downs she had navigated with Shivaay, it was her work, her obligations that had kept her sane. Now she had Shivaay but lost the other forever. Why could she not have that and this? Why was she an untouchable now because she had happily married the man she was madly in love with? Why is life so unkind to her that she has always had to make difficult choices. She could still work for Shivaay, but that would mean she would never be able to prove her worth to herself. She would have to make peace with the world that would know her as the Shivaay Singh Oberoi's wife, nothing more, nothing less. She did not have to work so hard, make so many sacrifices to be known only thus. Having known the cruel ways of the world, she knew that her marriage would possibly be construed as a means to further her career.

What about money? How will she pay for Saahil's education? She, who worked multiple gigs to save for Saahil's education, accommodation and little comforts, was now left penniless. How was she to manage? She had been banking on the income stream from this job so much. With Saahil enrolled in the new more expensive school, her expenses had grown manifold. It was only acceptable for her to let Shivaay help her tide over it till she started getting paid from her new job. She could not be dependent on Shivaay for the rest of her life. She was used to taking care of herself financially to change now.

Will Shivaay pay her if she worked for him? He might.. Despite ignominy, her only option was to work for him if she was ready to accept it. But what if he did not pay her? "What if? " She gasped aloud as she continued to sit there, Buddha-like. Behind closed eyes, she was pulling up her personal finance spreadsheet.. She could see only expenses, nothing in the form of income. Most of her paltry saving was gone too during the crazy wedding.