𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫. [𝐥𝐫𝐡]

chapter twenty two: "you're perfect."

[carmen leigh]

"STOP WATCHING FUCKING SPONGEBOB, HE'LL BE HERE IN HALF AN HOUR!"

"PATRICK STAR HAS BEEN HERE FOR ME WHEN YOU HAVE NOT, SO WATCH YOUR MOUTH."

"ASHTON TELL HER TO GET READY BEFORE I DRAG HER UPSTAIRS!"

"i could not care less."

"ashton, you're a stone cold bitch." nova glares at the man on the couch. if looks could kill... he'd be dead. "carmen, get your ass up before i start screaming."

"scream, coward." i keep my eyes fixed on the screen, "i dare you."

ashton sighs, standing up from his seat. as nova opens her mouth to scream, as promised, he shoves a hand over her face. almost instantly, he pulls his hand away and shrieks in pain.

"DID YOU FUCKING BITE ME?"

"yes."

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?"

she shruggs, "hand. mouth. teeth. bite.

"that isn't an answer."

whilst ashton and nova argued, i went back to watching the tv. on the outside, i'm just watching a cartoon. on the inside, however, i'm overthinking. big time.

i know he's nothing like matt... but the concern is still at the back of my mind. i worry a lot, i can't help it. i haven't 'put myself out there' since we moved away from him. this would be my first date in over a year, am i really ready for something like this again?

am i really ready for a relationship, after everything i've been through?

i know i should be over it, and i wish i was, but it's difficult just to forget something as pivotal as that. it was a huge hit to my self esteem and mental health, the effects are gonna be showing for a while and there's nothing i can do about it.

no matter how much i try to help myself, i always end up in the same pit of self doubt. the cycle continues over and over again.

matt knocked me down until i was nothing. just an empty shell of my former self. but maybe... maybe luke could be the one to build me back up again.

-

"holy shit, carmen..."

"is it that bad?"

nova shook her head rapidly, "i knew you'd look good but-" she let out a low whistle, "-damn... if he doesn't propose as soon as he sees you, i will."

her encouragement brings a small smile to my face. "you think he'll like it?"

"honestly, i don't see how he couldn't."

she moves to stand behind me, her reflection joining my own in the floor-length mirror.

i run my hands down the sides of the dress, tracing my figure. the silky material was cool underneath my fingers.

"you'd look even better if you let me do something with your hair..."

"you're not touching my hair, nova."

she pouts, folding her arms across her chest. "you're so cruel to me."

"i don't trust you with hot things near my face." i roll my eyes, carefully adjusting the corset-like waist lining, "besides, he said semi-formal. i think this is okay..."

personally, i think it's a bit too showy for the first date, but nova wouldn't let me change. and i didn't keep the receipt.

my eyes travel down to my thighs, landing on the small, white, crescent scars left visible by the short dress. i wince at the memory. that night... changed everything. the words that changed it all, the words that ruined everything, echo through my head. bouncing around, repeating like a broken record.

"you're moving in with me, and that's final."

a chill runs down my spine, snapping me back out of my head.

a knock sounds from the hallway.

"that'll be him... you ready, cam?"

with one last once-over in the mirror, i take a deep breath and nod, "i'm ready... let's just hope i don't screw this up."

her face softens, "you won't. you're gonna have a great time, i promise."

with that, we both leave the bedroom. nova joins ashton in the lounge, and i make my way to the front door, trying to build up the courage to open it. knowing that luke's on the other side fills me with anxiety. i have the overwhelming urge to run back to my room and hide underneath the bed, but i know nova would probably catch me before i could make my escape.

he knocked again.

you can do this, carmen. it's just luke... you've seen him before. it's not like he'll be any different this time, it'll be exactly the same as any other time you've been around him...

except... this time you're gonna be alone with him...

being alone with luke could be fun... i'd like to know what he's like when louis isn't around. maybe he's different, maybe he's exactly the same, either way it'd be interesting to see.

fuck it, here goes nothing.

without giving myself to think twice, i yank open the door.

his eyes widen as he takes me in.

"h-hi..." i stutter, slightly intimidated by the man in front of me, and the silence stretching between us.

luke's eyes drag back up to meet mine. he's speechless for a moment, causing insecurities to build in my mind.

does he think i look weird? oh god, what if he sees the scars... what if he asks about them?

"you look..."

disgusting. fat. ugly. weird. different.

"...incredible." he finishes, his voice breathy.

luke's words leave me stunned. "r-really?" my eyebrow creases, "you don't think it's... too much?"

"no. no, you're perfect." he assures with a soft smile.

"i-i'm perfect?"

he takes a step towards me, keeping his hands hidden behind his back. "yeah. you're... you're perfect, sugar."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

OKAY I PROMISE Y'ALL WILL GET THE DATE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, I JUST HAD TO GET THIS OUT FOR NOW.

ENJOY, MOTHERFUCKERS.

-  e.