Dear Santa | winrina

49

August 5th

Dear Yoo Jimin/Karina,

I know that you still probably hate me because of what I did, but I decided to write this letter after three months of contemplating. I just want you to know that I completely understand if you no longer want to talk to me. It's been quite some time now, but I'm still very hurt after that day. I'm not complaining though, because I deserve every bit of it. I made you believe in things that didn't exist in the first place and even though I'm a bad person, I hope that you'd still read the reasons why I did it.

When I was little, I used to believe in Santa Claus and just like you, I've always been disappointed. I never received any gifts while my friends had a lot of them. I even hated Christmas, because I always felt jealous of the other kids and I thought that I was the only one who doesn't receive anything every Christmas, until I saw you in front of your house when my parents and I passed by.

You were seven years old that time and you were crying because you didn't receive anything while holding the letter that you worked so hard for to write. And because of that, I decided to ask my parents about Santa Claus, which led me to the truth that it was actually my friends' parents who would put their gifts every Christmas.

I wasn't able to forget you ever since that day, because you felt exactly the same thing that I did. Then after a couple of years, you finally turned thirteen years old, while I was twelve. My parents and I passed by your house again and it felt like destiny wanted me to see you for the second time. That's when I finally made up my mind that I want to make you happy and stop feeling bad about not getting anything every Christmas.

Since then, I would always visit your house to check your letter inside the mailbox on the night of December 23rd. I guess I was just really lucky because after all these years, I could have been caught, but I never did. You used to ask for chocolates and teddy bears before, so I would buy them on the morning of December 24th and bring them to your house at night. Then I would take out your letter and replace it with mine.

But you moved out when you entered college. You transferred to an apartment near the university where you're studying and coincidentally, it was near mine too. I saw you on my way there and that's how I was able to follow you and find your new address. I still wanted to be your Santa and make you happy, because your tears when you were seven and thirteen years old made a huge impact on me to do good to you and always do my best to grant your wishes, but last Christmas I couldn't make it happen because you asked for a real person.

When I saw your letter last December 23rd, I didn't know what to do. I ended up stalking your Facebook account the next day and saw your posts, tagging that guy you were actually wishing for. I had to make sure that you're crazy over the right person, then my younger cousin saw me stalking him.. And that's when I found out everything about your online boyfriend.

She told me that he was a scammer and showed me all the accounts of his victims. I wanted to go to your apartment desperately and tell you everything about him, but I was scared that you wouldn't believe me because you didn't know me, so I ended up stepping back for a moment.

Then the posts about him suddenly started increasing and it was because of her female victim, an hour before Christmas. A CCTV near the area was able to capture the whole crime and it provided strong evidence to get him arrested immediately. That's exactly the day that he stopped chatting with you, and I finally had the courage to go to your apartment and pretend that I was supposedly your online boyfriend sent by Santa and that you only mistook me for a boy.

There were three reasons why I did such things. First of all, as your Santa, I have always wanted to grant your wishes, but who would I send to pretend to be your online boyfriend? Second, I wanted to make sure that nothing bad will happen to you since you have almost been one of his victims. And lastly, I fell for you before I even realized it. I just genuinely wanted to make you happy and I didn't have any plans to be involved in your personal life, but it turned out to be this way.

And if you're wondering why there's always a day between my replies, it's because I'm a mere human being and I have no magical powers even if I was your Santa before. I had to find the right timing to read and get your letter without being caught and I usually write my reply every midnight and put it in your mailbox when you're already sleeping. It's really hard for me to reply on the same day that you sent yours, but I try my best especially when I'm super interested in the topic and I can't ask you in person.

I'm still willing to give up everything just to be with you again. But if you still don't want to talk to me after reading this letter, then I'll respect your decision wholeheartedly. I just hope that this cleared out something at least. I'll be leaving for Japan tomorrow and I'll probably stay there for a while to give you enough space and try to forget all of the bad things that happened between us along the way, not the good ones though.. :)

I loved you since the moment that I've been with you and I still love you right now.. I always will, Karina Unnie.

Sincerely,
Kim Minjeong/Winter