uncool, stanley barber

fs: 4

fourth of the filler series:
don't ever say you aren't enough

sometimes, stan lies. sometimes, i lie. sometimes, lies aren't the worst kind of destruction. sometimes, it's the silence.

he hasn't been responding to my texts all day, which i understand. his phone glitches and they might not be going through. but even at school he was avoiding me, not meeting at the table where we eat together. this resulted in me shoving my tray forward and leaving the cafeteria.

i didn't want to eat, i just wanted stan. so, i walk outside and there he was; smoking with syd at our usual spot on the bleachers. we'd watched the football game here, we'd spend our free periods here.

i storm over, suppressing my jealousy. but instead, my feelings of sadness and loneliness surfaced. "oh. hey, ella" syd says, handing stan back his joint.

he turned to look at me, a smile playing on his lips. i furrowed my brows at the joint where syd's lips had been and where stan's lips are currently. "you ok?"

i glared at him. "no, i'm not" i sigh, raking a hand through my hair before turning and walking away. i didn't wanna watch syd and stan share saliva and giggle. i didn't wanna know if it was her and not me.

footsteps didn't run after me like i'd hoped. he didn't deserve to see me turn around, as if i'm thinking of him, but i did anyway. i turn and see him lie back in the grass, exhaling becoming relaxed.

i walked home.

he asked me in biology if i wanted a lift, but he only further confused me. i shook my head, not making the effort to frown but instead, studying. i never get anything done in biology on account of stanley. but when he's too focusssed with syd, my notes are fresh and neat.

sure, she has powers and sure, she's that mysterious type so she's intriguing like you wanna find out more. i just thought stan was different. i just thought i was enough.

he didn't work tonight, so i got on with my job. gladys could sense i was upset by my tense actions, but she let me be. and i might've got myself fired if i exploded at her, yelling at her that i regret working here because i met someone i could never have. i stay quiet.

i hoped the ding of the bell would reveal a boy, with brown curly hair. of lean stature with some bruises and cuts littering his skin. his sweet brown eyes never entered the alley, even when i closed it up and he would sometimes show up and surprise me.

instead of going home, i go to the trees. i tread lightly against the concrete where we crashed as i look over. the trees sydney blew over that terrible stormy night are closed off by some aggressive yellow tape. my dad worked on this and put the reasoning to be natural causes. if only syd's powers were of natural causes.

i sit on the grass, where stanley held me when i cried. i cried over a lot of things, i'd never felt so shaken up in my life. but i cry here now, feeling the same confusion.

my mind plays tricks on me as i begin to think i hear a car that i know. the hazy yellow lies ahead and i know my brain isn't being cruel; that's his fort fairmont.

i'm still, as i feel him sit beside me. his legs cross as he holds out his phone. it's smashed, but the screen still lights up. he sees me divert my eyes away when he speaks up. "i was having a bad day."

my blood boils, my fists clench. "oh, really?"

"yes, ella" he remarks with the same level of sass. "god, can't i just have a bad day?"

"i never said you couldn't" i say, pulling my jacket closer to my body. "so, you smashed your phone. yet it works."

"yes, i got your texts-"

"then why-"

"i smashed it because i was mad at myself" he confesses, tossing the broken phone onto the grass.

he knows i want to ask him questions, so he answers for me. "you've been great, ella. and i love being with you, you know? you make me a better person, someone i want to be so bad..but, i can't."

i finally let my eyes land on him and his fragile state. his eyes look bloodshot from weed or crying or both. he's a confusing guy. "what do you mean?" i ask him, softly.

he sniffs, due to the cold weather and the sun having just set. "i won't ever be good enough for you."

a breath escape my lips as my jaw falls open. i'm shocked, i'm confused, i'm a lot of things. but, too good for stanley barber is not one of them. "what're you talking about?-"

"can't you see, ella? i'm a bad influence. your dad would never approve of me and i know you're just slumming it with me, until somebody better comes along like, uh, like, i don't know. ricky?"

"ricky berry? are you fucking serious, stan?" i blurt, standing to my feet as he joins me too. he distances himself, afraid that if i get too close, i'll catch a virus and won't be myself. like he's toxic.

"ella, you know what i mean" he sobs, a couple of tears streaming down his face. i swear nothing good ever comes from this patch in the woods. "you're perfect. and, you won't admit it because you're too modest and so lovely. i only ever wanna be with you. but, i'm no good."

"stanley, please" i move closer, holding his face in my hands. i brush back his curls as his watery eyes look into mine. heavy breaths escape his lips, but he holds my wrists and pushes them down.

"ella-"

"it's els" i say, forcefully. his demeanour dramatically changes, his eyes softening as his breathing starts to slow back to normal pace. the look of panic remains in his eyes, but it doesn't last long as he smashes his lips into mine. i cup his cheeks as he holds my waist tightly, too afraid to let go.

when he pulls away, he rests his forehead against mine. our breathing syncs up. "stanley barber, there are very few men on this planet who i adore. so few, that it's only you."

he smiles before placing a light kiss to my nose. "els, i'm scared i'm going to ruin you."

"you could never ruin anything, stan" i smile, pecking his lips.

"i think the world of you, els."

"and i think we'll be okay with this."

pahaha, what the fuck was that.

i just wanted to try and write stan and ella being angsty and then some passion of something but that's that and i formally apologise lmao
(but ngl, insecure stan and ella thinking they aren't good enough for each other when i love them is just 🥺😭💞)

i've been working on a peter parker fic, fixing it up from years ago. comment if you want me to release it!
love you all, quarantine will come to an end soon lads, stay strong!!!