uncool, stanley barber

31

31 - we've all got issues even when we least want to admit them

as we're driving to school at night, which is funny, i look over at him. stan has this face that is very obvious when something's wrong. like somethings on his mind.

"hey, stanny" i say, placing my casted hand on his knee. he's being very cautious about his driving since he can't risk another accident. "what's troubling that mind of yours?"

"nothing" he says bluntly, hands firmly gripped to the steering wheel. i'm puzzled.

"are you sure?" i lean his way a little bit.

"look, ella. if you don't want me to crash, stop distracting me" he said firmly, before taking my hand and shoving it away.

i'm in disbelief as i stare out the window. boys are known to hiding their emotions, but just once in a while can't he open up? after a few more minutes of silence, he tries to speak up again.

"you excited for tonight?"

"not really."

stan pulls over quickly and i feel a sense of fear rise in my spine. i turn to see stanley still gripping the steering wheel. my heart to race. does he have his dad's genes?

"my mum" he utters. "she said she'd see me before homecoming." i twist to face him and listen. he looks to heartbroken.

"she left, wonder why" he says sarcastically. "my dad doesn't wanna fucking talk about it so he drowns it out. but, i want to see my mum again."

holy shit. "and yeah, i wasn't actually expecting to see her today. but i 'spose, a small bit of me just really hoped."

his voice cracks as i see a small tear trickle down his cheek. i catch it with my index finger, like he did for me that long while ago. oh, how the tables have turned.

he looks at me. "stan" i whisper, bringing him into a hug, "i-i'm really sorry."

he sniffles against me before admitting something i didn't think was relevant. "you remind me of her."

i pull away and stare at him. "you remind me of her cause she was so caring, kind. she always wanted to make sure i was okay. and even when she had panic attacks, she let me in when i was scared for her. i love her."

i hold his hand tightly. "she sounds wonderful."

"she's not" he says lowly.

"because she left."

"new man, new family, new life. that's the way it goes" he laughs. i can tell stanley feels weird being so open with his feelings so i squeeze his hand for reassurance.

"i'm sorry, stan" i repeat, kissing his cheek. i take in a deep breathe. "i know i can't fulfil a void, because that's not how life works. but i can promise i'll be here for you, i am here for you."

his glossy eyes stare into mine. how i love the chocolately colour. he presses his lips to mine in a sweet kiss. it means so much to both of us.

"i love you" he utters before starting the car up again.

"i love you too. let's go have fun at homecoming, yeah? it's gonna be a blast."