Seventeen Group Chat

15

     I hadn't even realized as we were walking, but we ended up at the next to an overgrown hedge.
     "We're... here?" I repeated, confused. Mira nodded, her lavender hair shifting in the slight breeze.
     "It's a park. So overgrown that most people don't know about it or just forgot." She lead me to a slight opening that looked like it was supposed to be an archway, but, again, it was so overgrown that we could barely squeeze through. I wouldn't have noticed it if I was on my own.
     "Wow, this is crazy."
     "I figured that you didn't want to be followed again, like last time. They won't find you here." The Park was mostly trees, but I could see glimpses of a pond. We followed a faint trail closer to the water.
     "Do you come here a lot?"
     "Yeah," Mira laughed. "It's the cliche reason.  You know, 'when I need to be alone with my thoughts'." I chuckled too.
     "I definitely know that feeling." We sat down on a bench next to the water, partially covered in leaves and vines.
     "So why did you storm out this time?" I stared at the dark green water then looked at her. Her eyes widened slightly.
     "Can I trust you with my secret?" She nodded, her eyes still wide. I looked back at the water. "I'm gay. I've known since I was a little kid, but I didn't want that to get in the way of my dream of becoming a singer. So I hid it. I had a girlfriend in middle school, in case anyone looked into my past to see what kind of person I was. When I finally made it into a band, I was overjoyed. This was my dream, and it was coming true." I paused.
     "I kinda had a feeling you were gay. I wouldn't have gone anywhere alone with you if I thought you were straight." Mira and I laughed a little bit before I got serious again.
     "I knew the hard part would be not getting any crushes on the 12 other people in my band, so I shut myself off from them. It has been working so far, none of them are close enough to me for me to get feelings, and a few are close ish but just as friends. But there's this one... he never ceases to push my buttons. He's trying to get close to me, and I'm trying to not catch feelings for him. It doesn't help that he's pretty attractive, and a good dancer. He won't leave me alone, but I think I'm already starting to have a crush on him but I don't want to. I just want to work with them... maybe be friends with them... but he's making it so difficult. And I don't know what to do." Mira nodded.
     "I once got a crush on a boy, like you I didn't want to like him, or anyone, so I told him. I know this sounds backwards, but as soon as I voiced my feelings for him, to him, they started fading. I told him I liked him, but I didn't want to do anything about it, and my feelings were gone before the week ended." I looked at her in shock.
     "That really worked?" She nodded.
     "It worked easily for me, and I had tried many other methods, believe me. I tried pointing out all of his flaws to myself, I tried avoiding him, I tried getting mad at him for making me like him, irrational, I know. But if anything, all of it just made me like him more." I clenched my fists.
     "I'll try that. I'll come clean, and tell him that I don't want him to respond, in any way. That I just want to be over him." A bird flew over my head, making me jump a little.
     "You also said something like them not appreciating the work you do? That sounds like a pretty big issue." I sighed. It seemed like a bigger issue, but in hindsight, I didn't mind too much. Maybe I'd get resentful if it went on for much longer.
     "Yeah. I'm the composer. I write lyrics, I compose the song. I'm constantly working because the company has high expectations of me, and wants our group to do well. I do to, so I put even higher expectations on myself. All I want from them is a little recognition. Instead they pull me away from work and make me do things I don't like. Like riding roller coasters." I scowled.
     "Sounds to me like the just don't understand how you feel. They do care, and they want you to have fun and enjoy yourself. They don't understand the pressure you put on yourself, or the company. They're trying to take care of you and show you that they appreciate you in their own way, even if it's not in the way you need. Did you tell them anything about that?" I took a moment before I answered. Was Mira really right? Was that really why they acted like that? Because they were trying to take care of me?
     "I said something similar in the group chat... I said something like "you guys never appreciate me for what I do, and I do a lot" I blew up at them, and I regret it a lot. I wanted to make them hurt. I wanted to make them understand. But I took it too far. Everyone seemed sympathetic, and really sad. But the guy I like blew up and called me dramatic and stupid and got mad that I never apologized to him for running away. That did make me mad at him. But after talking to you, I still like him just as much. Which is infuriating, because he hurt my feelings. He told me to 'go hang out with my girlfriend' and I blurted out that I was gay." Mira looked thoughtful.
     "Are you completely certain that you want to get rid of your feelings for him?" I nodded, my jaw set with determination. "Even if there was a chance he liked you back?"
     "That's not a possibility." She shrugged.
     "Alright. Then you know what you need to do."
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Back again, after a few months. I actually have somewhat of a plan now, for what the future chapters will look like, so hopefully I'll post more.