I Understand

Lifeline

The day for Harry once again consisted of him watching Draco when ever possible. He looked at Draco in DADA, at lunch, and when he passes by him in the common room after classes. He wanted to talk with him, like he did that morning. Talk about easy things. Simpler times. This morning was the best morning he'd had in while. The easy smiles were the best part. He felt like he didn't have to pretend he was okay. 

School was hard. With a fake smile plastered on his face, and all the noise, he needed a break. Draco was that break. It was odd to think that a person could help him so much. A person who happened to be Draco Malfoy. Harry laughed to himself, funny how life can turn around like that.

Dinner came around and Harry found himself looking at Draco more and more. He didn't want to wait for the morning to be himself. He wanted to feel relaxed now. Needed to feel relaxed. For some reason, a desperate feeling rose in his chest. What if his smile broke? What if it became too much for him? What if he needed that calm before the morning?

"Harry?" Hermione inquired. Harry pulled his eyes from Draco, who was sitting next to Pansy and Blaise.

"Hm?"

"I was just suggesting a Hogsmead weekend." Hermione  said as her eyes darted to Draco. "McGonagall said we can go any time, as long as we informed her before hand, and we're back before sunset." Harry's stomach dropped. Hermione knew, she had figured it out. Of course she did.

"That sounds great." He said, keeping the fear out of his voice. Hermione knew. She'd bring it up. He didn't want to talk about it until he figured out all that he was feeling.

"Well," she stood up and took Ron's hand, pulling him away from his 3rd plate. He made a undignified noise, but stood up too. "Me and Ron are going to try and do homework in the library. We'll see you in the common room later." She walked of with Ron in tow. But Harry noticed the brief look she threw in Draco's direction.

He continued Draco-Watching, while slowly eating his small dinner. At least he was eating. Over the summer he had sometimes forgotten to eat. Food just never seemed that important. Just as he was finishing his pumpkin juice, Draco stood up and walked out of the Great Hall. He got to his feet and walked as slow as he could make himself. He didn't want to draw too much attention to himself. Hermione was one thing, but if anyone else put it together, it wouldn't be good.

He saw Draco turn down a corridor to the left. He picked up his pace and turned the corner and rushed to Draco who was in the middle of the hall. 

"Hey." He said lightly touching Draco's shoulder. Even the small touch warmed his fingers.

Draco turned quickly and jumped a little. When he saw it was Harry a small smile danced on his lips. "Hello." He said formally. But that was just how Draco talked.

"Want to go for a walk?" Harry suggested. He was glad he thought of something to say, because he had not thought of what to do once he got to Draco.

Draco tilted his head slightly to the side and gave a small shrug. Every movement Draco made in public was small, barley noticeable. But when he knew no one was watching, he seemed to be as dramatic as ever. "Sure." He looked like he wanted to say more, but stopped himself. 

Harry took a step forward and Draco fell into step next him. They didn't say anything, but Harry could already breathe more freely than he had most of the day. Harry led the way, though he didn't really know where he was going. He wanted to be alone, truly alone, with Draco. To be able to act freely, not just breathe. He was tempted to walk into one of the empty classrooms nearby, but wasn't sure how Draco would react to being pushed into an empty classroom.

Then they turned down a corridor with windows. Outside, the sun was starting to set. Harry slowed to a stop, and Draco followed suit. Harry looked out to the setting sun and suddenly, the day washed over him. Everything he felt through out the day bombarded his thoughts. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He backed up to the opposite wall and slide down the the ground. He breathed deeply, trying to force air down his uncooperative lungs. He stared into the sunset, not able to look anywhere else.

He felt Draco slide down to his left. But, unlike most times, he didn't stop the attack on his mind, he just softened it. Which was helpful, and Harry would have probably suffocated if he hadn't at next to him. The sun was lowering it's self behind the Forest. The golden glow making the trees seem like black spikes rising from even darker ground. Funny how sunsets were so beautiful, yet made such evil shadows.

Draco placed his hand on Harry's. Harry's heart stopped. The physical contact stilling all that was running through Harry's mind. The world seemed to still. Fire spread from his hand to his chest, shoving the weight off his chest. His lungs filled easily, no longer fighting.

Harry closed his eyes and let out a long breath. He grabbed on to Draco's fingers, holding on to his lifeline. He sat there, eyes closed, breathing steadily, leaning his head against the cold stone of the wall. Holding on to the only thing that kept him grounded.

He knew what Draco was trying to say in the simple gesture. All that he was trying to convey without a noise. All the feeling that Draco trying to put in it.

It's okay. I'm here. It said warmly. It gave him something to hold onto. I understand. It called into the darkness that engulfed Harry's heart. It shoved a sense of calm into his head. It did it's job, because Harry could feel the day leave him. It slipped away, moving from the warmth that was covering Harry's body.

The sun set, and they sat there for a long time. Neither made a move to stand. Both knew that as soon as they did, the moment would be lost. They knew that they'd have to wait for the morning to share this with each other again. The morning seemed so far away, they didn't want to let go.

And they didn't for a long time. They sat and watched the stars appear. Harry holding on to Draco's hand, because he knew, as soon as he let go, the day would approach him again. But maybe, if he held on long enough, he'd have the strength to make it.