I Understand

Charms Essay

Dinner rolled around and passed Draco slowly. Harry, of course, had to talk to his friends, so Draco was left alone once again. 

Well, not really, Pansy and Blaise had chose to sit with him at dinner. But he'd rather not talk about why he took the day off. Pansy was glad to hear he ate, and Blaise was happy Draco was listening to his ranting about a hot Gryffindor he refused to name.

Funny, Draco thought, Slytherins guys must have a thing for Gryffindors. Not that he'd ever say so. He'd give himself away, and Pansy loved saying 'I told you so'.

After dinner Draco was glad he could escape to the Library to do his Charms essay. Not that he really needed to research anything, it was all review, but the Library was the best place to think.

That was how he found himself in a secluded corner of the Library, thinking about anything but his essay.

Harry resurfaced as the one thing on his mind keeping him from work. Harry fucking Potter. His stupid face, and stupid hair, and stupid kindness. He was hard too hate, once you got to know him, but Draco wished to anyway. If he hated Harry, he would not have to harbor a crush on him, and things could go back to normal. 

Why did Harry have to be so nice? And understanding? And hot? It was like the universe hated Draco or something. As if he was a character in a book in which the author didn't understand how the whole 'nemesis' thing worked. They hated each other because of their past and that was all. They did not become friends. They did not fall in love. Hate. That was it.

But of course, Draco got saddled with the deranged author and had to now deal with feelings and shit. Sure he'd had crushes before, but not on Harry fucking Potter. He didn't think.

He hated Harry, until now. Hate was the only thing that existed between them. Draco had not been pushing down a crush for seven years. 

Harry wasn't hot during any previous encounter. Not when he took off his shirt during the Triwizard Tournament. Not when he was out of breath after Quidditch practices. Not when he ran his hand through his hair every second of every day. Nope.

Then again, Harry may or may not have been the reason he started to question his sexuality. It may or my not have been when he was riding the blasted hippogriff. 

Please, the author of my life, do not make it so I was pushing down a crush for seven years. Please let me have some dignity. Draco prayed to this mysterious 'author'. But of course, he wrote his own story, made is own decisions. His life was his own.

He had not been pushing down a crush on Harry for seven years. It was only four years thank you very much.

Fuck.

Draco sighed and slammed his head on the table. His life was a mess and now Pansy had been right. Draco wondered if he'd ever be normal. But probably not, he was a Malfoy.

"Excuse me..." A voice came from next to him. He looked up to be met by Grangers brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, yes?" He asked polity. Had she said something?

"Oh, I was just wondering if I could see that book." She pointed to the book Draco had pulled out just in case he needed it for his essay.

"Oh, yes, of course." He reached over and handed her the leather bound book.

She took it and gave a  small smile. "Thanks."

She had just turned away when Draco thought of something. "Wait, Granger!" He stood up and picked at his already short finer nails. Was he really going to do this?

"Yes?" Granger asked turning to face him, book pressed against her chest as if she was hugging it.

Yes he was go to do this. "I... umm... I just wanted to... er... I guess I just wanted to say..." He let out a sigh and looked her in the eye. "I would like to say I am sorry for the way I treated you in the past. And even this school year. I know you probably won't believe me, but around 3rd year I stopped meaning it. I just said it to keep up my reputation. Again, I'm sorry." He said in one breath.

That took a lot. He had grown up with the idea that Malfoy's did not apologize, it was below them. But here he was, saying sorry to Hermione Granger, a muggle born. His father would have had a field day.

Draco half expected her to walk away, or laugh at him, instead she smiled. "I don't know why, but I'm going to have to believe you. Thank you." He let out a sigh or relief, and offered her a small smile in return. "3rd year you say? Was that before or after I punched you?" She joked.

But he though about is seriously. Sure he had his little fit of gay panic before, but he didn't really accept it until the end or the school year. "After." He answered honestly. Then he gave a small laugh.

"I'd like to think I knocked some sense into you." She teased.

"One can only hope." He smiled briefly. Who knows? Knowing how his life was written so far, she really could have.

She was about to turn away when she decided the conversation was not over. "I noticed you weren't in classes today." 

It wasn't a question, but he answered her anyway. "I woke up with a headache." He lied. He was not going to tell her that he had helped Harry get out of classes, it would not end well for him.

"Harry wasn't either." She gave a knowing smile.

Draco was glad he had had so many years at practicing putting up facades, because if not, the surprise that she had put two and two together so quickly wouldn't have helped the situation. But denying it wouldn't help either. "You really are the brightest witch or our age." Was all he said.

"Well, I best be off. Thank you again for apologizing, it always takes a lot to say that you were wrong." Then she turned abruptly and strode off towards her own table.

Draco smiled to himself, it felt as if a weight had been lifted from his chest. That short conversation made him feel less like a monster. 

If Granger had just told him off, he wouldn't have complained, he doesn't deserve her forgiveness. But it would have sent him spiraling down again. 

His head was much clearer as he finished his Charms essay. It wasn't until he was packing up to leave when he realized Granger would have finished the essay the day they had gotten it. She hadn't needed that book.

She had given him a chance to prove himself. Hopefully he had surpassed what she had thought of him. Draco even surpassed what he thought of himself.

Surviving this year was going to be easy, as long as the insane author he had to deal with let it.

I love writing authors notes as if people actually read this. Don't forget to comment and vote People-I-Imagine-To-Be-Reading-This. Maybe y'all will be real someday.

And excuse him, I am only partially- no, who am I kidding, I'm insane.

Stay safe my non-existent Darlings.