I Understand

Always

Harry woke with a start, like he did so many times before. Sweat dripping down his face and eyes wide. Nightmares still dancing evilly through his unawake mind. Screams and laughter and all the usual things. But, something about that nightmare was off, wrong, truly life threateningly scary. It was Hermione and Ron laughing, a fierce cackle, doubling over in, tears streaming down their cruelly smiling faces.

And he was the one screaming. In fear, in pain, in panic. His skin so cold it burned, arms numb, legs aching, mind searching for something, for why, how...

His heart was far from calm and he was shaking. His lack of vision and the dark not helping the situation. He felt like he was choking, suffocation, drowning in the air in his dorm. He made himself get up, throwing the sweat soaked blanket off his still aching legs and stumbled out of his bed.

He barely remembered to grab his glasses as he staggered out of his dorm and down the hallway to the common room. If he could think properly, he would be glad there were no stairs, he would have fallen down them.

A small fire was lit, casting orange colors and dark shadows around the room. Harry felt like throwing up as the flames waved and licked the air. He tried to find something else to focus on, anything else.

He felt himself nearly cry with relief when he spotted the familiar figure of Draco by the fireplace. But the relief was short-lived, he saw another person there. Who was it? Why were they here? Were they talking to Draco?

"Harry?" The person said, his stomach dropped even more. It was Hermione.

What was she doing here? Why was she talking to Draco? Harry felt like he was in another dream.

"Harry?" Draco turned to him and stood up. Harry looked at him, he wasn't a dream, he was real, he was right there, he could reach out and touch him. "What's wrong?"

Draco seemed to put so much concern into his voice, how did he do that? How did he lace so many emotions into two words? Why did Harry care? Merlin, Harry's hands were shaking, he wanted to vomit. Maybe all his thoughts would be thrown up as well. One could only hope.

"Harry." Hermoine said again, when had she stood up? Why did she have to be here? This was their space. His and Draco's. Now it was ruined. Harry couldn't breathe. The world was spinning and his eyes unfocused and his mind went somewhere horrible and dark and, and...

Harry wanted to cry.

He wanted to cry so bad. He wanted to let all his emotions out. Let the dam break and flood everything. But he couldn't cry. He didn't get the right to cry. He shouldn't have the right to cry, after everything he caused and didn't do, he should have died. Should have never been born. Should have never been thought of in the first place.

Draco's warm hand touched his shoulder and he collapsed into his arms. The dam broke and Harry cried.

~*~*~*~

To say Draco was very concerned would be an understatement. He had seen Harry during some bad times, but this, this was the worse. He could feel Harry's pounding heart race as he clutched the front of Draco's shirt. His breath was ragged and uneven, at times Draco wondered how he was getting air like that.

And in all the years he'd known Harry, only one other time had he seen him cry. Whatever had happened was bad, because the last time he cried was the day Cedric Diggory had died.

Draco wanted to ask so many questions, he needed answers, but he let Harry cry. What could he say? How could he ask something and not seem insensitive? He was just Draco, nothing special, he wasn't good with people, or emotions...

But Harry looked so broken in his arms. So scared, he was shaking, she was hanging onto Draco's shirt for dear life.

"Harry?" Hermione slowly stepped forward and tried to place a hand on his shoulder.

Harry immediately tensed up and his next breath let no air in. "Hey, Harry, Harry, it's okay, hey, calm down, it's okay." Draco said, tring to get him to stop panicking. "Harry," Draco gently cupped Harry's cheeks and tilted his head up. "Hey, breath, just breath, okay, in..." Draco breathed in, "and out..." he breathed out. "Come on, in... out... in... out... that's good, okay, everything is okay, just breath." Harry's breathing returned to a semi-normal pace and Draco pulled him into a hug.

He saw Hermione looking at them. Her face betrayed so many emotions, worry, fear, sadness... Draco caught her eye, he felt bad, she was one of his oldest friends, she should be the one comforting him, not Draco.

But she nodded to him, and gave a weak smile, like she understood that somethings are just different. Draco watched as she turned and walked back to her dorm.

Now it was just him and Harry, like so many times before.

"It's going to be okay." He whispered softly, reacting his head in the crook of Harry's neck, trying to put as much support into his words as possible. Harry's sobbs quieting down, his shaking lessening, his breath finally steady.

Draco continued to hold him. This broken boy in his arms pulled at his heart and Draco's chest filled with something. And Draco swore, with all his heart, he'd protect him. Save him from the world, keep him safe from himself and his mind.

Harry didn't deserve this. He was Harry fucking Potter, the Golden Boy, Saviour of the Wizarding World. He was brave and kind, and risked his life for thousands. Harry didn't deserve to be a broken boy clinging onto another's shirt, trying to keep the nightmares away, trying to just survive his memories. Harry deserved much more, so so much more.

Just him and Harry. Always.