Texting Funnies

Icky

J:
😞
I'm sick.
And I am puking.
And my room smells like puke.
😞😨

P:
Hi
Just so ha know, I didn't respond to your texts because I was at church and then I went to da grocery store
I'm sorry you feel icky

J:
Did u read the messeges on the group chat?

P:
Yes
Poor wittle jeseeka
I'm just jokin with ya
and I'm not in da mood 4 correct grammer

J:
Ha
It's weird that my whole famly has flu but I have a stomach bug
I'd personally rather have the flu
I hate puking
It hurts

P:
You hate puking?
It hurts?

J:
Yup

P:
I'm not sure whether to host a pity party or one up you right now

J:
???
What do u mean?
What's a pity party?
And one up you?

P:
One upping us this
A- "I got an A on my test!"
B- "Well I got an A+!"

And a pity party is where you just are sort if feeling bad for other people.

J:
O
I get it

P:
Pity party response: Oh, I feel so bad for you Jessica! Puking is the worst! Especially when you puke, and then you can't get to sleep, and you just feel rotten all day. I hope you get better! 😟
One up response: Are you aware that I'm allergic to wheat? And that I found out I was allergic to wheat when I was about four? I puked every single day for the first four years of my life! I didn't grow AT ALL for a whole year! But sure, poor Jessica!

J:
😐😕
Did u mean any of that?

P:
like I said earlier, "I'm not sure whether to host a pity party or one up you right now"
But I am sorry your sick

J:
I might miss getting to finish dissection
🐷

P:
I now officially envy you
And by the way, because of that stupid pig dissection, I've glad the dark side (😥) and joined you. Yes, I officially no longer eat mammals
But back to a subject that i won't barf talking about
A.K.A. Puking
So, when I had the stomach flu a few weeks ago, I must admit that it was a bit worse than my allergies.
Stomach flu takes longer
And you don't pass out

J:
Did you see my slide show?

P:
I'll watch the slideshow now

(Narrator: Penny opens up the slideshow to see a picture of a dead pig. As she scrolls down, more pictures of the pig await her, including pictures of the pig in the process of being dissected)

P:
BAD JESSICA
NO JESSICA

J:
Why?
Did u like the last slide?

P:
Hey, Jessica, una pregunta; DE LO QUE? ¿Por qué hiciste eso a mí, yo ya te dije lo que era una experiencia tan traumática que me hice vegetariano! ¿Por qué me odias, ¿por qué?

(Narrator: for all of you non Spanish speakers out there, focus on the words "una experiencia tan traumática que me hice vegetariano!")

J:
Translation please

P:
No me gustan los cerdos muertos!
¿Por qué? ¿Por qué?
😭😠😭😠❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

(Narrator: I'll make this easy on you. Penny just said "No me gustan los cerdos muertos! Why?!? Why?!?)

J:
😞
Sorry

(A while later....)

P:
By the way, it's alright
I casually forgot to mention that
(And Penny clicks the "Publish" button on Wattpad)