Brothers till the end

chapter 8

I went to the kitchen ,Alfred was placing two plates on the table .then he turned toward me the moment I entered the dinning room "Master Richard, I  see  that you have awoken I prepared your favorite breakfast today " I smiled at Alfred and thanked him. I sat down and dug in my plate which contained French toast with blue berries and bacon with cheese omelet and took a sip from my orange juice .Minutes later Bruce then came and sat down "Good morning " he greeted ,Alfred reminded him of the important meeting that he need to attend in an hour .Bruce took a sip from his coffee and read the news papers .I tried to act like everything was okay .

My life is over I know it , I will be a disappointment no one will want after everything is over today I m joining Jason in our hunt ,we will take down Deathstroke he captured Damian again claiming that he is his apprentice that could have been avoided with it wasn't for me years ago and to make matter worse  that coffee addict have also gotten caught we need to rescue them very fast I know what's like to be tortured by him I know from experience do not ask how I saw memories from those days the pain , coldness and darkness , the insanity that could anyone feel the memory of those knifes ,whips ,burns ect. I need to stop these memories but I cant I feel something wet on my face and I realized that I have been crying I quickly whip them with the back of my sleeve hoping no one notice this but given how lucky I am ."Dick ,is something wrong?" asked Bruce with a hint of concern in his eyes ."I am fine " I lied but I knew that he wouldn't believe me he is as stubborn as I am .I feel like I cant breath , I am having panic attack 

I feel a hand on my shoulder "Dick calm down take long breathes , in and out -" I heard Bruce trying to calm me in away that Damian used to do to me whenever I was panicked this only makes things worse , it is all your fault   I hear a voice In my head  

they wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for you . No that's not true I was only four years old .

I is your fault that the Grayson's died , you could have saved them but you didn't . no ,n- no . I can't think that way .

No one loves you no one will care for you  are a disappointment 

you are a lier , a freak a fraud  ,murderer a monster 

your fault , your fault . MY fault . the voices keeps repeating those words until I say them myself 

" everything is my fault " I whisper before everything becomes dark .

I feel darkness pain coldness , I am alone I'm my mind the only place where I am at true peace .

my powers dancing around me wanting to be released finally after years of sleeping . 

I promise them the time will come . Then I  feel nothing .