The boy who sneaks into my bedroom window-ETHMA

-15-

Ethan 

Rain makes me feel less alone. All rain is, is a cloud- falling apart, and pouring its shattered pieces down on top of you. It makes me feel good to know I'm not the only thing that falls apart . It makes me feel better to know other things in nature can shatter.

And right now the rain seemed fitting to my mood. Brocken. Shattered. Oh and I was drenched as well. 

When I left Emma's it was raining, and even though my room was just feet away, I choose to take a walk. I would rather be freezing my tits of in the rain than be in any of the houses I want to call home. 

My house was now just a reminder of how my parents don't love each other. My dad slept in the living room and my mom slept in their old room. The kitchen was split into two, one half being my moms fresh flowers and food and the other being my dads work documents and files seen as though its just 'so hard' to share a working space with my mom now. 

And Grayson's house is a constant reminder of betrayal. He text me. 

Said 'If you ever come near my house again, I will physically hurt you. I don't want you near Emma, and I'll make sure of it, no matter what'. 

I didn't reply. I guess I was just hoping him to send 'sike' after it but that never happened and I didn't want to seem like that single text alone ruined my day, hell year I don't know. It was hard to tell if Grayson meant it or not, but hopefully it was just a heat of the moment, lash out text. 

I wanted to punch him and understand him at the same time. Instead of understanding my problems, he used them against me and that's messed up.

But man, I wish he'd hug me right now. I just wanted someone. And all he did was laugh at me. 

I didn't know how Emma was feeling. Part of me felt guilty for leaving her alone with the beats himself, especially after everything he said to her, but I felt like she was mad at me. 

One day she'll realise just how much she means to me. Just how much I care about her. Just how much I love her. And then she'll regret not seeing it sooner. Because deep down she needs me just as much as I need her.

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. 

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. 

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. 

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

And Emma was my person. She just didn't know it yet. 

But after she text me, and I replied, I was already climbing the tree to her window.

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