The boy who sneaks into my bedroom window-ETHMA

-27-

Emma

I've always been that person to be sure of what they were doing. I knew what I wanted to do next and what I was going to feel while doing it. But as soon as Ethan said he loves me, it was like my world stopped. My heart was beating just as fast as it normally does when I'm next to him, but it was like I didn't know how to react. I'd never been loved by someone ever in my life other then that platonic, family bond, and it opened my eyes. Ethan Loved me. And I loved him. 

Maybe I'd always loved him. All I knew was that he was always there for me. He was the person behind my smile and the face behind my laugh. I needed him, like a heart needs to beat. 

Ethan shook his head and rested it against the headrest before abruptly leaving the car, causing me to snap back into reality. The wind blew against the car door that Ethan left open as he practically fled the car. Shit. I didn't know hoe to even move and I could feel my heart beat in my fucking ass. Ethan Loves me. I quickly got out the car and followed Ethan in to the house once I realised that I took to long to reply. 

"Ethan" I questioned as I walked into his house. The walls were still a crisp white, and scattered with different pictures of the family, many of which included me and mine. One in particular was a big one right by the living room, it was from when we were little. I was around 4 and Ethan and Grayson were sat ether side of me, our legs dangling off the wall as they each kissed my cheek, and my small hand was on Ethan's lap, which he help in his hand. Then there was one right next to it, the same size, from the same today, but this time instead Grayson rested his head on mine, sticking his tongue out, I was mid laugh and Ethan was just smiling down on me.  On the third one, just like the others, but this time I was looking right back at Ethan as he rested his forehead ever so lightly against mine as he smiled really big, just like me. 

I smiled at the pictures until a voice cut me off, causing me to jump and remove my hand that had found its way to outline mini Ethan.

"I remember that day" Lisa, Ethan's mom stated and I smiled at her. "It was just outside the carnival, right before we drove home, do you remember that sweetie" She said sweetly and I nodded, smiling at the memory. I wasn't big enough to go on most of the rides like the boys were, but Ethan stayed with me the entire time. 

"He's always looked at you like that" She sighed out and I quirked my head to the side in confusion. "Like your the only girl in the world" She finished and I couldn't help but blush at her words. Have I been this oblivious all these years? 

Lisa smiled at my blush and moved just behind me to pick up a picture frame. "But, this is my favourite" She smiled and turned the picture to me. Ethan's mum crouched behind him in the picture as Ethan stood over what I guessed was me. I was a baby at the time, wrapped in a blush pink blanket, and Grayson was holding me like a trophy with a big proud smile on his face. You could see my eyes in the picture, big blue orbs staring up at Ethan, and my small hand reached out to touch his cheek. I looked like I was fascinated, as Ethan stood over me, admiring me almost.

"It was the day Ethan first met you" Lisa chimed in, and I nodded with a smile. "you know the first words he ever said to you were angel" She continued and I looked at her, confused at where this was going. 

She smiled with a large grin then laughed lightly. "He could barley talk, but still managed to ask me if he was dead" She said and I cocked my head in confusion causing Lisa to shake her head in laughter. "He thought that he had died and went to heaven because you looked like an angel" She told me and my mouth fell open. Was that really why he called me angel. 

She smiled at my face then reached behind me to put the picture frame back on the shelf. 

"Really" I muttered and she just simply nodded her head yes. "I-Uh" I said not even knowing what to say. 

"He went to his room, if you were looking for him" She said wiping down a countertop like what she just told me was normal. I sighed and shrugged, heading to the stairs anyway. The stairs themselves were the same wooden ones, that still creaked as you walked up them. When I was younger Ethan would always carry me up them, and Grayson would always hit him for it. I smiled at the memories the house brought me until I came to the hallway. I remember that Ethan's room was the one at the very bottom of the hall. I took a deep breathe and walked to his closed door, knocking on it ever so softly, and when there was no answer I knocked a bit harder, but I could still here no movement so I opened the door slowly, peeking my head in. 

Ethan was laid on his bed staring up at the ceiling as I walked in. His room had changed. His bed had moved next to his window, and he now had dark grey covers, his walls consisting of the same grey and white. A lot of hockey trophy's were placed on the shelf next to his drum set and a guitar was hung up on the wall. There was a few pictures and cloths scattered around and a door which lead to his bathroom. He still had the tiny stuffed bunny I gave him when he was 7 and the same ragged baby blanket I was brought home in next to his pillow. 

"Hey" I whispered as I sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. He didn't move. "Ethan" I repeated but he just huffed and turned away from him making me frown. "You can't avoid me forever E" I stated and head him sigh. 

I slowly moved to lay down on the bed next to him and hugged him from behind. "Baby" I whispered and his breath hinched. "Talk to me" I said and he turned around back onto his back. 

"I don't want to" He said and I rolled my eyes at his stubboness. "Why" I replied and he looked at me for a split second. "Cos there's nowt to talk about" he said and I scoffed. "Okay" I said and we sat like that for a while, just staring at his ceiling.

Eventually I spoke up. "Why do you call me angel?" I asked him and I felt him look at me but I kept my eyes on his wall. I wanted to know if his mom was telling the truth.

"Just a nickname" He said and I looked at him. "Oh" I sighed out and he asked me why. I shrugged. "I don't know" I said and he sighed. 

He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him. "Because you are an angel to me Emma, I'm pretty sure God sent you from heaven just for me, and I still have to convince myself I'm alive  every God dam time I look at you" He said truthfully and I looked up to him. 

I laid on top of his chest and rested my head on my arms looming at him, and I could tell my face was burning so much because he smirked at me. 

"I can't live without you" He said and I gasped. He cant mean that. 

"You don't mean that" I said and he smiled at me. "I mean that with every bone in my body" He replied and I caressed his jaw slightly. 

"Do you love me, Ethan" I questioned him and he gulped quickly. "I've always loved you Emma" He said and I smiled, touching my forehead on his gently. 

"Why" I said and he cupped my cheeks making me look at him. 

"I never saw it when I was little. But I know now I always have, I've known for a while actually, since 2nd grade I'm pretty sure. I love every part of you Emma, the good and the bad, even though there's nothing bad about you. You make me smile, and you make my heart smile, and you make me nervous, and you make me exited. You make me feel alive angel, and I don't wanna live if it with you" He told me and I could feel my face burn. He looked at me like I was the only girl in the worl. His mom was right. 

"And I don't want you to leave me okay, so please don't leave me" He said starting to choke up and I grabbed his hand. "Promise me you wont leave me" He said with patchy breathes and I could tell he was trying not to cry. I frowned at him and held his jaw still making him look at me straight. His lips were so close to mine I could feel his quick warm breathes on my face, and see every fine detail of his.

"Why would I ever leave you baby" I said leaning my forehead on his more and he closed his eyes. 

"Because you don't love me back" He cracked out and I held his face, making him open his eyes.

"Who said that I didn't"