The boy who sneaks into my bedroom window-ETHMA

-16-

Emma

It is said that the eyes are the mirror of the soul and there is a lot of truth in it. Your eyes are the doorway to your heart. They reflect your emotions and your inner being. A lot can be concluded from the expression of your eyes. 

I saw pain. His hair was wet and clung to his face as he stared up at me and his clothes were so soaked I could see the definition of his abs poke through his shirt as it clung to his body. His eyes never left my own as he climbed the tree. His hands fumbling from branch to branch as the heavy wind and rain collided with the leaves. Yet his eyes glued to my eyes. He showed me his pain. Opened his heart and mind through one look. He didn't need words to explain his hurt. It was written all over his face in clear bold words. 

But there was something else. Something stronger. More dangerous. It etched onto his features and shone from his eyes like a glimmer of warmth. Love. His breathe was quick and so were his movements barley giving me enough time to prepare for what happened next. 

He quickly climbed through my window causing small droplets of water to fall on to my bedroom floor. But I didn't care. 

His eyes still stuck to my eyes while he grabbed my face gently. His hand was warm and sent tingles onto my skin where he caressed it. His breathe was now heavy pants and I could tell he was scared. He was hurt and scared, broken and confused. I let out a breathe I didn't realise I was holding in and he stepped closer to me, pressing our bodies together tightly.

He visibly gulped as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down, but he stayed stiff as if scared to move. 

I slowly reached my hand up and held his face. He was crying. Just like the rain his tears rolled down his face, untouched and unnoticed. His eyes were damp and I could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest as I pushed myself closer to him, causing him to wrap an arm around my waist to keep us both steady. 

The moon reflected behind him out the corner of my eye, and the rain bounced heavily into the night sky, but all I could focus on was him. He seemed so weak. So vulnerable. Like he just fell to his knees in front of the devil and asked him personally to take his soul and keep him locked up behind burning iron bars forever. But I didn't want that. I wanted him here, with me, holding me, forever. 

My mind cleared as I looked at him, like all my problems drifted away into the air, wanting to find someone else to worry. But his gaze was elsewhere. His gaze was more dangerous. His gaze was on my lips. His mouth opened slightly and he squeezed my cheek, reassuring himself I'm real, and I'm there with him.

Then he leant in closer and closed the gap between us. His lips were soft and wet and brushed against mine before he pulled away and looked back to me. 

My heart felt like it had stopped beating. Like I relied on his heart to connect with mine for my body to function. And it did. 

I smashed my lips back onto his and told him every emotion I couldn't vocalise. He told me his fears, and he told me his love, and I told him my worries and my nerves. Everything, I told him everything I never even realised my self and he understood me. 

He tilted his head sideways slightly and his tongue brushed wet against my bottom lip. I replied by opening my mouth and allowing him to deepen the kiss. His kisses tapped into deep mines of memory, and the years that had separated us fell away as if they were nothing. It was just us now. Just for tonight, just for this moment, it was us. Nothing in between but pure bliss and security.  He kisses me so deeply that I don't know who is breathing for who, but his mouth and tongue taste like warm honey.

But then his grip loosened and he pulled away slowly looking into my eyes as he rested his forehead onto mine, panting slightly. 

And then he left. It was as simple as a jump from my window, and all I was left with was a warm linger of him on my lips.

Ethan

Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences. You build up this whole armour, for years, so nothing can hurt you.  And then you give them a piece of you. A kiss. A hug or a simple word from your heart. But they don't ask for it. 

 Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "You can't see my sister ever again" or "Let it go" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love

I hate it because it made me loose Emma for God knows how long. It made me loose the best thing I had going for me in under 2 weeks and I hated it for that.

Emma probably had no clue about Grayson's texts, nor did I intend to tell her. I was now alone in this cold and wicked world as it laughed at me from how pathetic I was. It pointed its finger at me and mocked me for every word I've ever said. What a fool I was to think I was capable of being loved. 

She had no clue just how much I loved her, and now she may never know. But it's for the best isn't it. Because I'm just some lowsy player chasing after the Hockey scholarship dream and fucking bitches from left to right. Wrong. That isn't me. Well, maybe I want to be a pro hockey player one day, but I never intended to have this façade of using girls for sex. Yet that's what I was known for. Hell my own best friend even forgot who the real Ethan was, or maybe he was blinded by the thought of me fucking Emma senseless.

But all of that doesn't matter anymore because she's gone. She's slipped through my fingers without knowing it and if there's one thing I regret most , it's not kissing her sooner. Because now the only time I ever got to kiss her, was to say goodbye.