Two Boys Learning

22. A Chapter in a Story

There was a roaring in his ears that he couldn't get rid of.

All he could see was Will, diving forward and kissing Tristan.

It hadn't even been two weeks. It had been less than two weeks, and Will was already moving on, which made Ash wonder--did he ever really like me in the first place?

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Ash didn't remember anything except that moment, except Will kissing the guy who had been such a fucking jerk to them, who'd called them fags. What kind of game was Tristan playing?

Ash went through the motions, going from class to class until the bell rang, trying not to pay attention to anything other than putting one foot in front of the other.

He stopped in front of his front door with no memory of how he got there. He stood there, just staring at the wood, swallowing hard.

He pushed the door open, not wanted to engage with his dad but knowing that it might happen whether he wanted it to or not.

Fortunately, his dad was passed out on the couch. Ash went straight past him and closed the door to his room quietly, then slumped again his wall and slid down it, drawing his legs up to his chest and trying not to cry too loud, lest he wake his dad up.

He buried his head in his arms, the tears that he'd been trying to keep at bay all day now spilling over and streaming down his face. He gulped down air, squeezing his eyes shut and hiccuping.

"Mom," he whimpered, keeping his voice low. "Mom, I miss you and I don't know what to do because he was the closest thing I had to love--" he cut off, a quiet sob wrenching out of his chest.

He could almost feel his mother's arms wrapping around him, hugging him close, feel her fingers stroking his hair. Sometimes, she would say, the people we wanted to be a part of our story were only meant to be a chapter.

But the thing was--Ash didn't want Will to just be a chapter of his story. He wanted to stay with him, even if his dad hated him for it. He didn't want to feel so alone anymore, didn't want to have to cover every bruise with a lie and every lie with a smile. None of his smiles were real, anyway--they were just frayed copies that he pasted onto his face because he didn't know what else to do.

Some of his smiles, at least, had been real--when he'd been in that hotel, spurred on by the smallest chance that he'd have a future with someone.

But he'd ruined that. It had been his own damn fault, too--he could have just not said anything to Will, could have preserved what small amount of happiness he'd felt with him.

But he was too fucking scared, scared of his own goddamn father.

Another sob tore out of his chest, and he heard his dad grunt from the living room. Immediately, Ash inhaled sharply, holding his breath.

He didn't hear anything else, and he swallowed hard and swiped furiously at his face.

He was done with this. Maybe his mom was right. Maybe Will wasn't meant to be a part of his story, but only a chapter.

He swallowed another sob that threatened to shatter the fragile walls he'd attempted to put up. Maybe he isn't worth it.

- - - - - - - -

Sorry this chapter is so short. Not sure what to really say at this point, and I'm kinda mad at myself for doing this to Ash and Will. I think the next chapter is gonna be about Riley and Will, but I'm not sure...tell me what you think!

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Q: Favorite Disney movie?

A: Zootopia. My favorite character is the fox dude.