Sanditon Season 2: Finding Their Way Back To Each Other

Chapter 4: Misery

~~Sidney~~

After speaking with Lady Susan, I left the ball. I couldn't stand to be in that room another minute. I walked down the street until I reached a pub. I sat down and ordered a bottle, then another, and another. I drank alone, wallowing in my own self-pity. I was disgusted with myself. I never stopped to think about where the Campion fortune came from. I was so desperate to save my brother. My only thought was on finding the money. Now I was trapped. There was no way out of this. Charlotte would be so disappointed in me. Charlotte. I closed my eyes and imagined she was already disappointed in me despite where the Campion fortune came from. How would I ever face her again? Thoughts of what was said in the streets of Sanditon and again in the carriage while in London replayed in my head. She was exactly right about everything.

"Sidney, you are a mess," Crowe teased. He sat down at the table next to me and poured himself a drink. "Time to sleep it off."

I rose my head that had somehow fallen to the table and did my best to keep it upright. "I can't sleep. When I sleep, I dream of..." I sighed and dropped my head again. "Then I wake up and realize what I've done."

"I never thought both Babington and Parker would somehow be so fooled by love that their whole world turned upside down."

"That's because you've never been in love," Babington said from behind Crowe taking a seat at the table with us.

"I for one, would never let a woman change me," Crowe said. "I enjoy being the drunk that I am."

"Just wait. It'll happen to you one of these days and you won't know what hit you," Babington said.

"Doubt it."

Their chatter was beginning to get on my nerves. I longed to be left to my own misery.

"What about that Clara Brereton? Weren't you fond of her?" Babington asked.

"Good God, man! Are you mad?" Crowe said. "She is a tainted woman. I'd never be caught dead with the likes of her."

"You were seen with her on your way to London," Babington reminded.

"I simply gave her a ride. That is all. I have not seen nor spoken to her since."

"That is all, is it?" Babington questioned with a chuckle.

"Can you both please pipe down," I shouted. My head was pounding more than usual.

"Seriously, Sidney. Go home," Babington said.

I growled and tried to raise my head again. "I don't know if I have a home anymore. Tom and I got in a nasty fight earlier today. Or was it yesterday? I don't even remember."

"You could always go back to Sanditon for a while. I know you are fond of sea bathing," Babington suggested. "Maybe see a particular resident you are fond of."

"She isn't there. She's gone home to her family," I reminded. He didn't even have to say her name for me to know exactly who he was talking about.

"Oh, yes you're right."

I sat up even more and leaned back in the chair, doing my best to hold my head steady. "You seem to forget I'm engaged. I can't possibly be seen spending time with another young lady. Even if she was still in Sanditon."

"You can break the engagement," he suggested.

"What madness do you speak of, Babington?" Crowe questioned.

"It's a new era. Simpler times. Feelings change. Situations change. If a woman can change her mind, why can't a gentleman?"

Crowe laughed at the hypocrisy of what Babington spoke. I, myself thought he was talking insanity. "You have gone mad."