Surrender

June 23, 2013

~2 months earlier~

Unfortunately, throughout my years, not all of the decisions I have made I would exactly call "smart." However, I would hope that because I have made more smart decisions then dumb, they would out-weigh each other. At this point, I'm going to need a lot of smart decisions for the rest of my life considering this is the fourth time this week I've snuck Liam into my house through my bedroom window. My bedroom window is placed too conveniently to not sneak in and out of it, it's only four feet from the ground and has been used as a door more times then I can recall. My best friend, Taylor, moved next door five years ago and at the age of eleven we decided I'd be cooler to use our windows then our actual front doors when going back-and-forth between houses, granted that our windows were only a few feet apart. Knowing this, my foster mom, Katherine, doesn't find it out of the ordinary when I keep my window unlocked.

"hurry!" Liam mouths behind the glass window, so I quickly shimmy up the window and help him quietly come in. At this exact moment, I see Taylor letting in Shawn and give her a wink. Shawn and Taylor have been dating for exactly a week which means tonight will most definitely be his last night seeing that that's just how long they last with her. Liam just happened to be Shawn's hot best friend, that's the bright side of her 'new-boy-every-week' ways. Now, I know what this looks like, but I promise I'm not a slut.

"Meet me back here in an hour." Shawn says to Liam and he nods right before they both close the windows and curtains in front of them. As for using our windows as doors, things started out innocently. When we were fourteen, I would sneak into her room at night and we would steal ice cream from the freezer and watch movies. When we were fifteen, we started sneaking boys in to eat ice cream and watch movies with us. Now we are sixteen, the ice cream and movies took a backseat to the boys,we don't even bother leaving our respective bedrooms until after the boys go home....that's when the ice cream and movies come back in their own glorious ways.
After Liam closes the curtains, he spins around, only inches from my face, ready to get the show started. He places his hands on my cheeks and flashes his panty-dropping grin.

"Hey, beautiful." He doesn't give me a chance to respond before his lips greet mine in a quite sloppy and seemingly unattractive introduction. He continues kissing me while slipping off his shoes. He slides them off effortlessly while we both walk toward my bed, still connected at the mouth. The ease at which he does both things at the same time is both impressive and disturbing. He slowly eases me back onto my bed.

"Is your door locked?" He asks, using this moment to catch his breath.

"Go double check," I say. He gives me a quick peck on the lips before he hops up to check the lock. I've made it thirteen years with Katherine and have never been grounded, I don't want to start now. There's really only two things that me and Katherine aren't on the same page about and that's technology and school. Katherine believes that technology is the root of all evil in today's society so we have no TV, no internet, and no phones. I've also been home schooled my entire life (public schools are another root of evil) and I've been begging to enroll into a public school since Taylor gave me the idea. This year is my senior year and she has finally accepted my request and is allowing me to go to a public school, however, at the same time Taylor is leaving for a foreign exchange program. It's hard to believe that soon she will be leaving and I will have suffer my first and last year at a normal high school alone. Liam, walks back toward the bed after making sure my door is locked, and he shoots me a seductive grin.

"How about a little strip tease?" He sways his hips and inches his shirt up, revealing his hard-earned set of abs, which he gladly shows off every chance he gets. He's pretty much your typical, self-absorbed, horny, teenage boy. I force a laugh when he twirls the shirt around his head and throws it at me, then slides his body on top of mine again. He slips his hand behind my neck, pulling my mouth back to his.
Only minutes later I feel his hand glide from my hip to up my shirt, clearly he's not here for any conversation. As his hands begin to wander and his lips move to my neck, I use this moment to breathe and slowly I open my eyes. When I do, I'm staring at my ceiling, counting the sticker stars that Katherine put up when I first moved in. There's exactly 34, I know because I have count them every time I get into this situation, what else is there to do? Taylor and I have analyzed my lack of physical response to guys many times in the past. For a while she suspected I might be a lesbian. After a very brief and awkward "theory testing" kiss between us last year, we both concluded that wasn't the case. It's not that I don't enjoy making out with boys, I do, it's just I don't feel anything, no butterflies, there's just no heart-skipping-beats effect, and maybe that's why I like it, because I feel nothing.
My eyes are focused on the 34 stars on my ceiling, when I suddenly snap back to reality. Liam's hands have ventured further than I've allowed them to before and I quickly become aware of the fact that he has unbuttoned my jeans and his fingers are working their way around the cotton edge of my panties.

"No, Liam," I whisper, pushing his hand away. He pulls his hand back and groans, then presses his forehead into my pillow.

"Come on, Blair." He's breathing heavily against my neck. He adjusts his weight to his right arm and looks down at me, attempting to play me with his smile as I'm sure he does for all girls. (Did I mention I'm immune to his panty-dropping grin?) "How much longer are you gonna keep this up?" He slides his hand over my stomach and inches his fingertips into my jeans again. My skin crawls.

"Keep what up?" I say, pushing his hand away. He pushes up on his hands and looks down at me like I'm clueless.

"This 'good girl' act you've been trying to put on. I'm over it, Blair. Let's just do this already." He dives in again, his lips colliding with mine as his hand travels back down my pants. I push him off of me faster the he expected and for the first time in the ten minutes he's been here, I notice the smell of alcohol reeking from his mouth.

"You're drunk, I told you not to come over here drunk again." He rolls off the bed and I stand up to button my pants and pull my shirt back into place. Ya see, I told you I'm not a slut and regardless of what your thinking, I've never had sex with Liam or anyone else for that matter. So I walk towards my window, opening up the curtains, and shoo Liam out. At that exact moment, Taylor is shooing Shawn out of her window as well. Crazy how we both managed to turn an hour into ten minutes.

"I can't believe they came over here drunk again." Taylor says, climbing out of her window and into mine.

"sluts," Shawn mutters under his breath as he and Liam was back to his car.

"Too bad neither of you got laid!" Taylor yelled back. She shuts the window and walks over to the bed, plopping down on it and crossing her hands behind her head. "And another one bites the dust..." I laugh, but my laugh is cut short by a loud bang on my bedroom door. I immediately go unlock it, then step aside preparing for Katherine to barge in. Her motherly instincts don't let me down. She looks around the room frantically until she eyes Taylor on my bed.

"Dammit," she says, spinning around to face me. She puts her hands on her hips and frowns. "I could have sworn I heard boys in here." I walk over to the bed and attempt to hide the sheer panic coursing throughout my body.

"And you seem disappointed because..." I can feel the sweat on my palms and the queazy feeling in my stomach... I'm trying to play it off but I don't know how much Katherine is believing.

"You turn seventeen in a month. I'm running out of time to ground you for the first time ever. You need to start screwing up a little more." I breathe a sigh of relief, seeing she's only kidding. I almost feel guilty that she thinks I'm so innocent..... almost.

"Katherine?" Taylor says from behind us. "If it makes you feel better, two hotties just made out with us, but we kicked them out right before you walked in because they were drunk." My jaw drops and I spin around to shoot Taylor a look that I'm hoping will let her know that sarcasm isn't at all funny....especially when it's the truth.
Katherine just laughs.

"Well, maybe tomorrow night you'll get some cute sober boys." I don't think I have to worry about Katherine hearing my heartbeat anymore, because I think I just died.

"Sober boys, huh? I think I can arrange that," Taylor says, winking at me.

"Are you staying the night?" Katherine says to Taylor. Taylor shrugs her shoulders.

"I think we'll stay at my house tonight. It's my last week in my own bed for six months. Plus, I've got Channing Tatum on the flat screen." I glance back at Katherine and see it starting.

"Don't, Mom." I begin walking toward her, but I can see the mist forming in her eyes. "No, no, no." By the time I reach her, it's too late. She's bawling. She cries every time Taylor mentions the fact that's she's leaving, I don't cry though.

"Alright, well you girls go ahead and have fun!"She walks back to the door sniffling and turns around one last time. "I hope you meet a hot Italian boy," she says to Taylor.

"I better meet more than just one," Taylor deadpans. When the door closes behind Katherine, I spin around and jump on the bed, then punch Taylor in the arm.

"You're such a bitch," I say. "That wasn't funny. I thought I got caught." She laughs and grabs my hand, then stands up.
"Come. I've got two tubs of ice cream and Channing Tatum." She doesn't have to ask twice.