Pieces of Mine

The present : the truth...

                               Okay, so I'm going to admit it. Right off the bat. I wasn't quite honest with you. I'm not happy and I don't love my fiance. These are two things I just learned about myself in the past two weeks. Ever since I got the wedding invitations in the mail two weeks ago I've been reverting back to my old self. By old self I mean the girl who does and says what she wants. Not the politicians daughter who was offered so much comfort and money that she threw it all away to save her parents reputation. Then again I guess that isn't fair either. Everything was royally screwed before my parents offered me a life of luxury over love. Everything was falling apart by the time they offered to set up my entire life. So, I can't really blame them. I have to blame myself. I let them paint on these perfect clothes, hair, smile, and pick out my husband. Who I have grown to tolerate, but not nearly enough to marry. That's why when I picked up the box on my bed and opened it to see these wedding invitations I crashed. I sat there staring at them and reliving every moment of my existence ever and realized I was still in love. With my first love.

                                 Let me lay out some facts though. As the daughter of David Dash Hadley and Honey Belle Hadley, I was never forced to do anything. Yes, I was expected to get good grades, stay in school, out of trouble, and to be home at a certain time. Beyond that I was free. I was allowed to hang out with my best friends, Della Marque, Scarlett Delmore, and Shelby Abner all day and all night if I wanted to. They all came from wealthy families too. Which didn't matter. It wasn't until I was seventeen and on the brink of marrying someone not suitable that oh boy, suddenly did it matter. I should have fought for my love, and I would have too, had it not all crashed down literally an hour before I was offered the life I'm living now.

                              I think back on all the parties we went to, all the crazy things we did, and I miss it. I can't believe my freedom went by so fast. I call it my freedom because I should have kept it that way. I shouldn't have agreed to be part of the clan. I should have done what my older sister did and stayed a black sheep. As the sixth child from Honey and David I could have really done whatever I wanted. My brothers Beau,Landry,and Jackson all stayed in the family politics. My sister Harper did too. Millie decided she wanted nothing to do with it. I should have followed her lead.

                                I guess I could back out at any minute. Once your face is in the public eye though, it's hard to back out without bringing shame to your family. In the south that's a huge thing. Respect. It's one of the hardest things to earn and the easiest to lose. I guess that's whats holding me back. Bringing negativity to my family's name. The only thing I do know for certain is I won't be happy if I go with how things are going. I've grown to like my fiance He's nice and all. Any couple pushed together will find a way to be friends I guess, but I don't feel right marrying him. I really shouldn't have let this go on for the past seven years.

                                 So as I sit here staring, yet again, at these invitations, all I can think of is how badly I want to light them on fire. The ice princess has woken and yes I am real again. Della will be so thrilled. Unfortunately,  my wedding is in a month and a half. My mother already sent out the invitations to half of Alabama. I need to figure out how to get out of this. If I thought it would go rationally I'd bring it up to my parents myself. It won't. Austin Berhold, my fiance, has been in love with me since we were kids. He will never let me go. So that's useless. I decided the day those invitations came in that I wasn't doing this, so, if I don't have a plan by the time the wedding is here I'm bailing. Plain and simple. I will run away and I know Della will come with me.

                                 Sitting here reading and re reading these invitations, it's getting hard to breath. I feel trapped. Mr. David Dash Hadley and Mrs. Honey Belle Forbes Hadley announce the upcoming union of their daughter Addison Belle Forbes Hadley to Mr. Emery Lee Berhold and Mrs. Penny Mae Brinkton Berhold's son Austin Emery Berhold. I know it's a lot of names to take in, believe me I know. This is how things are done in Alabama. The more names you have the more power apparently. Okay, again not true. For some reason when power couples get married down here you give your daughter both last names. After marriage you keep your father's last name and add your husbands. The thought of swapping my Forbes for Berhold is seriously causing some major heart burn over here. I can't do it. I won't.

                               When Della gets back in town I will ask her to help me. Either to run away or kill myself, because unless I find another suitable groom I can't see myself getting out of this unscathed. I wish I could give my parents more credit and say they'd support my decision, but lets get real. This is the south. I'm from a very wealthy prestigious family. At eighteen I was given a choice. I chose wrong. So wrong in fact that I'm going to forget about it for the time being and drink myself into a stupor. Why? Because this is the south and the only thing served better then sweet tea is whiskey and I'm prescribing myself both right now.