Everyone Needs A Hero

Part 3- The Ones You Left Behind

Miranda set the box of Ben's things down on the kitchen table with a sigh. It had been harder than she expected to go face the people who had taken him from her. She hadn't wanted to. She didn't want to clean Ben's locker out because that meant he truly wasn't coming home again.
- 4 days before The Pearl Apartment Fire-
"Miranda Bailey " Ben called as he walked in setting his overnight bag by the door. "You're not going to believe how much I've missed you"
Miranda couldn't help but laugh as she she took that nights dinner from the oven. She smiled as Ben wrapped his arms around her.
"It feels so good to be coming home to you " He sighed blissfully.
Miranda's heart ached. The separation they took last year was still fresh in her mind.
"And it's nice to know you made it home this time "Miranda sighed back.
"You're never getting rid of me. " Ben smiled "but I have some news. "
Miranda nodded "Yeah?"
"Ripley came by today. I mean he usually comes by. He and Hughes like to have lunch together. Anyway I guess he, Sullivan and Chief Dixon feel that the PRT program should be suspended." Ben announced.
"What ?" Bailey gasped in suprise"Why ?"
"Well because of the stolen drugs and because 2 doctors and a rookie firefighter being threatened at gunpoint makes for bad press. " Ben explained.
"So what they fired you ?" Miranda wondered as she dished out the food.
"No. I've basically been demoted. Avery on the other hand was let go. " Ben answered.
"Oh to medic one?" Bailey asked looking to her husband for answers.
"No I'm back to fighting fires with the rest of 19." Ben told her quietly. He had a feeling she wasn't going to like hearing this.
"So the chiefs kid gets shot and now my husband has to go running into burning buildings" Miranda complained before walking away.
- Present Day -
Miranda ran her fingers over Ben's jacket that lay on top of everything else.
She missed him more than anything. She hated this. Hated how she felt ever since finding out he wouldn't be coming home ever again. That he really was burning alive somewhere.
She just wanted him to come home. But he wouldn't. He was never coming home. All she had left of her husband was a box of his stuff. It hurt just to think about that.
"Thanks " Ripley smiled at the cashier as he picked up his order.
It had been hard for everyone since the Pearl Apartment Fire. Including him. He had been through this before but somehow he felt it was his fault. Because he had agreed with the Chief about the PRT program. Not that it brought bad press to the department but that it had opened the department to other threats. What if it had been Vic that day? Of course it wouldn't have been because she wasn't afraid of fire. She faced it head on instead of cowering on the sidelines. That was the only reason Dixon had even been with Warren and Avery the day he'd been shot. Because he was a coward stuck in a job he wasn't right for just to please his father. It was one of Ripley's biggest regrets hiring Emmett Dixon and shutting down the PRT program.
But Emmett had changed after the shooting and had been less of a coward so at that moment Ripley couldn't tell if he would come to regret bringing Dixon on to 19.
He walked inside the station and let the cool breeze engulf him. The weather had changed overnight and the day had been pretty hot. It was his first time in the air conditioning for longer than a few minutes the whole day.
"Hello Sir " Dean Miller greeted from where he sat working reception. Probably after being benched by Sullivan for the violence on the job. Or maybe he had voulenteered to work the desk. Ben's death had messed with Dean.
"Miller,Hello" Ripley greeted back " How are you ?"
"I'm working on it. " Dean replied " If I was ever insubordinate at all or anything after the fire I apologise"
Ripley nodded. Dean had never been insubordinate. Distracted sure but he had listened to Ripley and never pushed his luck. Some of 19 hadn't been so good about that. Herrera had questioned every decision he made the first call she'd made after the Pearl Apartment Fire. Sullivan had been moody ,dodging his calls and avoiding him. Everyone had displayed insubordinate behavior since except Miller and maybe Dixon.
"I'm glad to see you seem better " Ripley observed "Now would you happen to know where Vic is ? "
Dean sighed" She's made it pretty clear she doesn't want me around so no. I wouldn't. "
Ripley was shocked at the revelation. He'd heard things about Dean's behavior since that night. That he had been violent and had a tendency to get stuck in a downright horrible mood that had made him say some pretty cruel things. He didn't think though that Vic would abandon him in all of that. She seemed pretty willing to jump at the chance to be there for her friends.
"You could try the beanery. I try to avoid it as much as possible. Because of the staring." Dean suggested.
"I didn't think she'd "
"Leave me? Yeah you and me both. I tried to apologise but she wouldn't stay in the room long enough to hear it. " Dean finished for him.
Ripley nodded. He didn't support Dean's violent ways of handling grief but he could certainly relate to how he felt. Alone. After losing a partner. Ripley had felt the same after Sullivan left. It was sudden and his teammates hadn't been so welcoming when they found out about the mistake he made that cost Sullivan his wife.
" Maybe she needs time " Ripley suggested " It's Vic. I don't think you lost her for good. "
Dean nodded " I hope you're right."
Ripley could see that Vic was probably the last thing Dean wanted to discuss so he quietly excused himself to go find Vic.
- 1 hour after The Pearl Apartment Fire-
Ripley sighed heavily as he got out of his vehicle and walked with Sullivan to Miranda Bailey's front door. He'd done this several times since taking the job of battalion chief. It never got easier and it was the part he hated most about the job.
Sullivan looked at him once with concern etching his face and Ripley nodded before reaching up and knocking once.
A short woman appeared before him. She seemed tired. And confused. Her eyes warm with worry. He regconized her. She had come with Warren to visit after his health scare.
"Captain Sullivan, Chief Ripley. Can I help you?" Miranda Bailey asked with worry filling her voice as she faced the men before her.
"Do you mind if we come in for a cup of coffee maybe and talk?" Sullivan asked her gently.
"Ok sure. That's fine " Miranda accepted and held open the door.
Ripley followed Sullivan inside glancing around the house. His eyes landing on a photo of Ben and Miranda on thier wedding night. He sighed heavily once again.
He watched as Miranda got out a cup for each of them and poured fresh black coffee into the cups.
He waited until she was seated before looking at her face trying to read how she might react. He could usually tell how the loved ones might react and was usually accurate. It was harder with her.
All he could see was the worry etching her face. The worry growing in her eyes.
"Is everything ok Sir ?I know there was a four alarm fire tonight over the radio"Miranda asked softly. That too made it harder for Ripley to read how she might react. Usually he didn't get asked that. Usually the room was silent until Ripley broke it and then it was filled with the sounds of heartbreak. A parent,a spouse,a child,a sibling. It never got easier.
"It reached five alarms a little after 9pm tonight" Sullivan corrected quietly.
Miranda nodded and made eye contact with Ripley " Chief why are you here ?"
Ripley sighed and took a steady breath before he met her gaze " Miranda I'm so sorry to have to tell you this. " he began.
He heard Miranda take a shaky breath from across the table. They always knew what he was there to do the minute after that sentence left him. They tried to prepare but nothing could prepare them for what they would hear next.
"Miranda,there was a mayday call when the fire was halfway contained. The call came from your husband." Ripley spoke softly and gently. He could feel the heaviness settling in with him. It always did.
He heard Miranda gasp with shock and pain. And even though he had locked eyes with her he didn't see her. This too was something he always experienced,he always saw them before and after he broke the news but never during.
"Shortly after the call came in he stopped responding. We went in after him but by the time we found him it was too late. " Ripley explained trying to make his voice as gentle and full of empathy as possible. He hated having to say these words.
"Miranda I'm so sorry but Ben died in the line of duty tonight. " Ripley finally broke the news. He could hear Miranda exhaling unsteadily and heard her voice crack before breaking down and softly crying.
"The department wants you to know that if you find yourself in need at all during this time,to just let us know. The crew at 19 will probably be arranging some sort of meal service. " Ripley looked at the beautiful oak wood table as he spoke the party line before meeting Miranda's tearful eyes once more.
"Miranda " Sullivan began " I want you to know I plan on honoring your husband for his valor and heroism. He saved a little girl tonight. And I personally would like to tell you how sorry I am for this news"
Ripley watched as Sullivan placed a comforting hand on her shoulder gently stroking as she cried.
It never got and never would be easier.
- Present Day-
Ripley nodded to Andy Herrera as he stepped inside the beanery. Vic was peering over a fire manual at the table. He was glad she hadn't been called away.
"How are you sir?"Andy asked quietly coming over to stand near him.
"I'm fine. Thank you." Ripley replied as he walked over to the table and pulled out a chair.
"If I want to contribute something. I don't know I was thinking flowers, would I talk to you ?" Vic asked him quietly.
"Sullivan" Ripley answered taking their usual lunch order out. Sandwiches from a deli they had found on one of thier dates. "He's handling the arrangements"
Vic nodded. She reached for her food and closed the manual she had been half reading and turned to face him.
"I heard Miranda came by a couple days ago" Ripley mentioned as he ate."Did you talk to her ?"
" no I was pretty busy with chores. " Vic replied quietly "She seems sad"
Ripley nodded"I heard she got pancakes and soup sent with her. I figured it was you."
"No that was Gibson and Herrera. " Vic corrected as she looked down at the table.
Ripley nodded " So you and Dean. You never told me you weren't friends anymore"
Vic sighed " I don't tell you everything about work. There's just some things you don't know"
"You used to tell me everything" Ripley sighed and took another bite of his sandwich.
Vic sighed "it's not a big deal. We just had a fight"
"Didn't seem like much of a fight to me" Ripley observed" it seemed like you left Dean at a time when he could use a friend"
"We all could use a friend right now. But I'm not going around screaming at people or shoving my friends when they just want to help" Vic defended." If you heard the things he said to me. The things he's said to all of us. "
"Grief makes people do and say things." Ripley explained" and not everyone deals with it right"
"So you're implying that because I don't want to talk to you about how I feel that I'm not handling it right. You know maybe if I shove Gibson into a ladder truck I'd be dealing with it in a way you approve of " Vic snapped getting up from the table to leave.
"No." Ripley sighed" I think you should talk about it and I think you should be there for Miller but I'm not implying or saying anything about how you should handle this"
Vic sighed as she sat back down" He hurt me. Jack wasn't the only one he got violent with."
"I know" Ripley agreed " Kiley from 15 had a black eye because Miller hit him at the bar"
"No" Vic denied " I mean at 19. He shoved someone from 19 about a week or two after the fire."
Ripley looked at her with surprise. People had been talking about what Dean had done to Gibson for weeks. It seemed like the top thing to talk about or rather gossip about. But based on what Vic was telling him Dean had gotten violent with another firefighter on 19. It had probably fallen through the cracks or not received as much attention as the Gibson thing.
"Why am I just hearing about this ? " Ripley questioned" Why didn't Sullivan tell me?"
"Because Sullivan doesn't know about it. I didn't tell anyone. Because I didn't want to get Dean fired " Vic confessed.
"Dean shoved you and you didn't tell me ?" Ripley asked looking her over with worry" You didn't tell anyone."
"If I had gone to you or Sullivan he would get fired. Because he got violent with a female firefighter. I didn't tell you because I didn't know how to. I couldn't believe Dean would ever. " Vic explained to Ripley" And I did tell someone. Because it hurt and I didn't want to work if I was injured. But Montgomery promised he wouldn't tell you either "
Ripley sighed "I understand that you didn't want Miller to be fired but if you had told me I could have helped."
Vic nodded in agreement" I know. I just don't think I was ready to face it. To make it real. When Dean shoved Jack into the ladder truck he had this look of utter shock and disbelief wash over him. Confusion. That's how it was for me except mine wasn't temporary it stuck. "
Ripley reached over and stroked Vic's wrist" it's been hard on all of us since that night and I'm sure you needed Dean about as much as he needs you now."
Vic nodded " I know it's just. I didn't want him to push me again. And the things he said. They hurt. Because they were coming from someone I care about"
Ripley sighed " When I made a mistake that killed Sullivan's first wife he looked at me with so much hate and told me some pretty awful things. So I understand I think "
"Also I'm pretty hung up on the Warren thing. I know I'm acting like I'm fine but it just reminds me of how I could have lost you and still could. I'm scared. And I needed Dean that night and he pushed me to the ground like I didn't mean anything."Vic admitted"So I've probably been a pretty crappy friend but I haven't been able to look at him without feeling like how I felt on the floor after he pushed me. I haven't been able to get rid of the disbelief."
Vic reached up and wiped a tear from her eye. Ripley sighed knowing that her reasons were valid.
"I'll forgive him at some point. Soon. Just uh not today. Because today my heart aches because I haven't been able to quiet the fear that you're on the ground dying somewhere. " Vic assured him."Today I just want you to hold me until the klaxons force us to part. Just hold me. And I don't want to talk anymore."
Ripley nodded "I can do that. "
He felt sad for her. That she felt like she had to keep things from him. And in that moment he promised that he would do better for her.
-This chapter was incredibly heavy but I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.
Enjoy
George O'Malley's Girl