Everyone Needs A Hero

Part 7- Left Here All Alone

Author's note
I usually do this at the end but I felt like I owed you all an apology for the heartbreak you're about to endure. I had to stop writing this because it was too sad and I had to cry it out. I also got into my emergency chocolate stash because chocolate helps with heartache.
Happy Reading (or not 😥)
Love George O'Malley's Girl

Bailey walked outside of the doors leading to the ambulance bay with a smile. "You came back"
"Of course " Ben smiled wrapping her in his arms "You know I wouldn't leave you alone with the kids "
Bailey closed her eyes and hugged him back " I missed you " She cried into his shoulders. She could tell he had just come off shift because he smelled slightly smoky.
"I missed you too "Ben told her contently" And I'm never leaving you like that again"
"Ben ?" Miranda asked grabbing his hand" I love you"
"I know baby " He replied"I love you too "
Miranda hugged him tighter becoming alarmed when her hands felt wet.
She pulled them away from her husband's body and looked at them. They were red. With blood. "Ben ?" She asked quickly growing concerned.
"Miranda help" He choked out trying desperately to breath before going limp in her arms.
"Ben !" Bailey gasped wide awake" Ben ?"
She sat up in bed and looked to his side of the bed and felt a painful twang in her heart when she saw it empty. Ben wasn't here. He would never come home again. Her worst fear come true.
Bailey shook and exhaled a shaky breath and allowed herself to cry. Sobbing quietly so she wouldn't wake any of the kids. She needed to stay strong for them. They needed someone strong so that they could break down. Especially Tuck who was trying his hardest to take care of everyone.
She looked at the clock when she had calmed down enough to sleep and saw it was 5am so she got up to get ready for work.
Later that morning Bailey sat in her office staring at a picture of herself and Ben right after Danny had been born.
The night Danny had been born was a hard night.Ben had been called away to a fire at Pac North that had turned into a bomb threat. He had left her a voicemail after becoming trapped inside a lab with one of the explosives to tell her he loved her one last time. She had listened to it after coming out of surgery and her water broke. Luckily Ben had made it out of that whole mess alive. He'd arrived at the hospital just in time to meet his beautiful little girl.
"Dr Bailey you have a consult" Levi Schmitt came in " I'm sorry do you need a minute?"
"It's alright Schmitt. I'm fine " Bailey replied looking up feeling a tear slide down her cheek.
Miranda followed the resident to an exam room on the pediatric floor.
"Levi" Jo Karev groaned when Bailey walked up " I asked for Grey. The chief has enough on her plate. "
"I tried. Grey wasn't available. " Levi explained.
"Bailey are you ok to?" Jo asked quietly"I figured you might want the day off."
"I'm fine Karev. I worked the day of the funeral and I'll work today too." Bailey protested.
Jo nodded reluctantly and led them into the room.
"Amanda. Mrs Reese this is Dr Bailey." Jo replied.
"Hello " Bailey greeted"What seems to be the problem?"
"She won't eat." Mrs Reese told her " Or sleep. She isn't my Amanda anymore.And I just got so worried that she might be sick."
Bailey nodded"Has Amanda had any fevers, abdominal pain ? "
"No nothing like that " Mrs Reese denied"Her therapist thinks it's emotional but I got so scared and freaked out."
Bailey nodded " Well has anything changed in Amanda's life ? "
Mrs Reese nodded "Our apartment burned down about a month ago."
Bailey nodded and closed her eyes trying not to cry." well fires are scary." She reasoned " Maybe she's just scared."
"Right." Mrs Reese nodded "I suppose that could be it. But."
"Is there something else Mrs Reese?" Bailey pressed gently.
"Yes. " Mrs Reese replied" I just don't feel comfortable discussing it in front of Amanda."
"Let's go in the hall. Schmitt check her vitals and do an exam." Bailey announced leading Amanda's mother to the hall.
"So what is it ?" Bailey asked gently as they sat down in the waiting room.
"I wasn't with her. So I don't know what happened but a firefighter died that night. " Mrs Reese began " I think Amanda saw him die."
Bailey sighed heavily. She bit her lip and swallowed hard.
"I'm sorry. If you're busy " Mrs Reese apologized when she saw Bailey's pursed lips.
"No no " Bailey sighed " I'll help her. It's just "
"You knew him didn't you? The firefighter who died." Mrs Reese asked quietly.
Bailey nodded " He was my husband."
Mrs Reese looked sympathetic " I'm sorry we can get another doctor. "
"No "Bailey stopped her " It's okay I don't mind. Ben,he would have wanted me to help her. "
Mrs Reese nodded.
Bailey smiled gently and led her back into the room.
"Schmitt, Karev may I have the room ?" She asked when they entered. Schmitt and Jo nodded quietly leaving the room.
"Mrs Reese why don't you grab a cup of coffee and I'll take a look at Amanda?" Bailey addressed Amanda's mom who nodded and left the room.
Miranda sighed as she pulled up a chair and sat down next to Amanda.
"Hi Amanda how are you doing?" She asked gently. " I'm Dr Bailey. But you can call me Miranda."
"Hi " Amanda muttered.
"So your mom told me you've been through a lot." Miranda said quietly " I know what that feels like. "
Amanda nodded " I'm sorry I won't eat or drink. And that I'm not the same. I'm sorry I scared her. Is she mad at me?"
"No. She's not mad. She's just worried" Miranda tried to put the girls mind at ease. "You know I'm no therapist. But I've had some bad things happen to me too and sometimes it's better if you talk to someone."
"I don't want to " Amanda declined turning away sadly.
"I have a little girl at home. " Bailey began " Her name is Danny and she's so perfect. And 2 boys Tuck and Joey. They're older. Teenagers. "
"Yeah?" Amanda asked quietly.
"Yeah " Miranda continued" And we're all going through a tough time. And I know they're scared. And sad. They don't want to talk to me. I don't want to talk either. But sometimes it's what you need "
"Why don't they want to talk to you ?" Amanda asked.
"Well Danny she's a year old. So she doesn't talk much" Miranda explained" And Tuck well he's trying to be strong for me. He doesn't want me to think he's sad because he thinks he has to be there for me. And Joey well he just tries to help where he can but we don't talk that much anymore."
"Why are they trying to be strong for you?" Amanda wondered turning back to Bailey.
"Well because a month ago they lost their dad. Well stepdad in Tuck's case. But either way" Miranda told the girl gently.
"Is that why my Mommy doesn't cry around me? I know she's sad about our apartment." Amanda said quietly.
"It could be. But sometimes Amanda parents just don't know how to talk to thier children about the scary stuff. " Miranda answered grabbing the girls hand. "And so we don't. We don't talk about the scary stuff. "
"Which is why I should talk to someone." Amanda said softly.
"You don't have to." Miranda told her"but sometimes it's nice to talk to someone about the scary stuff."
"Have you ever seen anyone die before ?" Amanda questioned"like right in front of you."
"I have. His name was Charles and he died in my arms " Miranda admitted to the girl.
"How'd he die ?" Amanda asked.
"He was shot. " Miranda revealed " A very bad man shot him in this hospital. "
"When he died in your arms how did you get over it ? " Amanda wondered.
"I didn't" Miranda admitted" I never got over it. I still think about it. But after a while it hurt less. "
Amanda nodded and twirled her bracelet .
"I want to talk to my mom but she doesn't talk about the fire and I don't want to scare her " Amanda said quietly.
"I know " Miranda sympathized "It's hard to talk about the scary stuff."
Amanda nodded" Could I talk to you about it ? "
Miranda sighed and looked at the ground. She wanted to say no so badly.
"Sure"Miranda answered quietly swallowing hard.
Amanda nodded biting her lip.
Miranda put a hand on Amanda's thigh to comfort her " It's okay I'm here. You can tell me "
Amanda nodded and began" I can't eat because I'm not hungry. And I can't sleep because the nightmares come when I close my eyes. "
" You know I have nightmares too? " Miranda admitted quietly " So I don't sleep much these days"
"You ? But you're an adult." Amanda marveled.
"Adults have bad dreams too " Miranda answered softly.
"What are they about?" Amanda asked her as tears began to fall.
"My husband." Miranda explained" In the dreams he's outside waiting for me. We hug and then I realize he's bleeding. I always wake up after he yells at me to help or dies in my arms"
"But you can't help him ?" Amanda questioned" Why ?"
"Because the night he died he was working. Nobody could save him. They tried but it was too late. " Miranda expressed feeling a weight lift.
"And you were here so you couldn't save him?" Amanda asked kindly " Do you wish you could have saved him?"
Miranda nodded. " I wasn't here. I was at home. " she replied " And ever since I've wished that I could have saved him."
"In my dreams I'm back at the fire. And I'm all alone and it's scary. And then I see his face " Amanda confided tearfully"And he tells me I'm going to be ok. And he tells me how to get out. "
Miranda sighed and put a hand over her heart. She knew the conversation would end up here at some point but she wasn't prepared for it.
"And." Amanda cried " and it's scary. Because he grabs my hand and he tells me that it's not my fault. But. But it is my fault. It's all my fault. If I had just woken up. Or if I had just stopped crying and did what I was told. He'd be okay."
Amanda lost her composure and began crying hard.
Miranda closed her eyes and willed herself to be strong enough for this. She reached over then and pulled Amanda into her arms. She rubbed the girls back gently as she cried.
"Oh sweetie it's not your fault " Miranda whispered " It's not your fault. You were scared. You were separated from your mom."
"He said it wasn't safe. But I didn't want to leave and I started crying. " Amanda choked out her voice trembling.
"Amanda honey what happened before the fire? " Miranda tried to comfort her.
"Mommy came home from work. And we made ice cream. Hot fudge sundaes. My favorite. And we watched 2 movies. And then we went to bed on the couch watching the stars. "Amanda recalled"And when we woke up there was fire. "
"Oh Amanda. Listen to me. Nobody is mad at you for crying. " Miranda reasoned " Nobody. You were scared. We get scared and we cry. "
"He was so nice to me. " Amanda cried " And I killed him. I wouldn't stop crying and then he was pushing me out of the way. And he told me not to look but I did. I'm a terrible listener and they're mad at me. Because I killed him"
"Amanda no you didn't kill him " Miranda told her firmly " And nobody is mad at you. You were scared. Nobody could have prevented what happened."
Amanda nodded and continued to cry.
"Amanda do you want to see a picture of my husband?" Miranda asked kindly. She knew this may not be right but it could help.
Amanda nodded " The one that died? "
"Yes" Miranda confirmed as she pulled a photo of Ben and Danny from her wallet. She handed it over.
Amanda looked at it and looked up at Miranda tearfully.
"You're ?" She asked " I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. "
Miranda shook her head " No. Amanda I'm not mad. You didn't kill him. I do not blame you"
"But I did. It's my fault. " Amanda cried as she handed the picture back.
"Amanda he knew he could die. I knew that. When he died he died doing what he wanted to do. He died helping people"Miranda explained her heart breaking" You were crying because you were scared and nobody could have predicted what happened. "
"You're not mad ?" Amanda asked her eyes wide.
"No I'm not. And nobody else is."Miranda confirmed " We aren't mad honey. "
"I just. I don't know what to do. " Amanda confided " I don't know where to go. I can't get out. "
Miranda nodded " You want to go on a little trip ?"
"Is my Mom ok with it ?" Amanda asked quietly.
"Yeah I talked to her. Come on " Miranda helped Amanda up and led her to the car.

" Where are we ?" Amanda asked as they walked through the station.
"This was where he worked. " Miranda explained " I could tell you a thousand times that I'm not mad and it's not your fault. But the people in here know enough to tell you how it couldn't have been prevented "
" Bailey ? " Dean asked rounding the corner to see Miranda inside the reception area.
"Hey. " Miranda greeted " I hope you don't mind I brought a friend with me. "
Dean looked down to see the little girl from that night. " I don't understand."
" They came in for a consult. She's fine but I thought maybe coming here would help."
"Uh yeah sure ok. Do you want me to grab Sullivan or uh Ripley? "Dean asked his eyes stuck on Amanda.
" Let Ripley and Hughes enjoy what time they have together. Sullivan is fine. " Miranda answered.

"Mrs Reese wanted me to thank you " Sullivan announced as he approached Miranda. She stood on the second floor staring out over her husband's former work place.
"Oh she doesn't have to." Miranda declined.
"You know every time I think I've moved on from what happened to him,there's always something there. To remind me. " Sullivan told her.
"I know. " Miranda said quietly" you know I didn't even realize that it was her until her mom told me about the fire. "
"Yeah. I think maybe you needed to help that little girl. " Sullivan said " For me it's about being better. We've lost so many this year. It's just a reminder I have to work harder to keep them alive. But maybe for you it's so you can be a better doctor."
"I heard about your promotion by the way. Congrats." Miranda mentioned what she had heard from Avery.
"Thank you. Honestly they would have overlooked Dixon. But your husband changed that " Sullivan confessed " Luke made quite the case to the board. Said there should be an honest man behind that title."
"Yeah" Miranda sighed " I figured. Thanks for all the help by the way"
"Well I've been here. " Sullivan reminded her"and here at 19 we take care of family. You're still family. "
"So who are you giving the throne to? " Miranda asked quietly.
"Well it's not up to me because I'm married to one of the candidates." Sullivan corrected her "but I think she's got a shot. And not just cause we're married. Because she's."
"She's like her dad " Miranda answered for him.
"Yeah." Sullivan replied" She cares about the team and she's smart. Capable."
Miranda nodded" Well I'm rooting for her. Just because Pruitt would have wanted me to.And because I agree with you"
"It's just sad he won't be here to see her take his chair" Sullivan sighed.
" Yeah " Miranda agreed " I wish Ben could have seen Dixon go down."
"Oh he would have loved it " Sullivan laughed " We all hated him. But Ben despised the guy. Probably more than his own kid and that's saying something because Emmett got forced into this."
"He did. " Miranda laughed " he really wanted to see him fall "
"Yeah. " Sullivan replied " Miranda it's okay for you to grieve. You don't have to be strong all the time."
"I know " Miranda replied her voice breaking. "I know sir. I miss him so much."