Forever

Thirteen

I get out of my seat leading Derek to the room I've been staying in. I open the door walking to the bed, he closes the door behind him and chooses to stand by the dresser.

"Leslie told me what she proposed," He reveals. I nod. "I don't think it's a good idea," He admits.

"Really," I remark.

"Yes really, I actually want to try with her, if she's going to have my kids" I look away from him. He actually wants to try. I walk over to him coming face to face.

"Stop treating me like a rag doll," I say putting my finger in his face.

"Stop letting me" He challenges. I slap him hard. He looks away briefly adjusting his jaw before placing his gaze back on me.

"What do you want," I ask, moving away from him.

"I don't know" He whispers.

"Neither do I" I explain. He looks away from me. "I just want to be happy" I admit.

"I'd divorce her today and marry you tomorrow" He offers. I shake my head, I can't ask him to do that no matter how selfish I want to be, deep down I could not be the type of wife Derek needs, a business partner, someone willing to see the violence on a day to day basis. I couldn't ask him to hide that part of himself. For me, it's not right.

"I want to be happy it doesn't mean it has to be with you"

"Maybe it does because without me you weren't at your best". I scoff.

"It wasn't because I didn't have you, it was because you left with no warning, with no letter, with no guarantee on your return." He nods.

"How do you feel now that I'm back?" He asks. How do I feel?

"Capable.... Capable of moving on now that part of me knows your okay" I say honestly. He comes close cupping my cheek. I lean into his touch.

"Is that what you really want? To move on" He inquires. I pull away from him running my hands through my hair.

"I want you, I want Derek Rossi, the boy who used to walk me to class, the boy who put me together during my darkest time, the man who made sure I was treated and loved by him until I wasn't. I do not want Dino Jr. the merciless killer who runs a drug trade across the world"

"I've changed, I can't apologize for that"

"Why did you leave?" I question. His eyes travel to the floor, he brings his hands to his head rubbing his temples gently. "Derek" I plead.

"I.. I uh fuck" He slams his hand against the wall. I sit unfazed, oddly comfortable in his frustration. "My father threatened you," He admits. I suck in a sharp breath.

"Since your dad died the year before you were easy to access, you essentially had no one in power watching you, and most of the other guys involved don't know you exist or more importantly who you're related to, my father made sure of that. He was sick he singled you out, showing hints of respect to your father but after he was gone he threatened to kill you or" A tear falls from Derek's eye. I walk over pressing my body to him.

"Or what" I press.

"Or he would keep you and torture you to get me to do whatever he wanted" He admits burying his head in my shoulder. I hold him close to me.

"I'm still here," I say, running my fingers through his hair. He pulls away walking away to pull himself together. We stand in silence for a few minutes, only the sound of Derek's occasional sniffle.

"That's why I kept my distance even after he died. You're right I am selfish but I had to see you before I went through with this before I fully became the man you despise"

"I went to see him after you left," I admit. His body stiffens.

"What did he do?" He questions, turning around to face me.