Elite S1 - Ander

~Chapter 13~

  I wanted to talk to someone about all this. About how I felt. I dint know how I felt. I had to stop seeing Ander. But only thinking about it hurt. I wanted to talk to someone that wouldn't judge me. Not Lu, not Carla...
  I went to Marina's bedroom. She was texting someone. "Marina.. can we talk.. please..?"
  She didn't look up from her phone "not now"
  I stared at her for a moment. She'd been always there for me. And I for her. And now.. I left without saying another word.
  I picked up my stuff and started walking to Samuel's house. He was my friend too. If I didn't talk to someone I wouldn't be able to handle all this.
  I reached his house. I was ready to knock, but before I could the door barged open.
  Nano was standing in front of me. Dressed in black. Holding an empty backpack. He seemed rushed.
  I couldn't find it in me to care about what he was about to do. So I just said, " Hi. Is Samuel here?" Me face was neutral.
  "You're Marina's sister. I remember you." He said looking me up and down. "He's in his room." He said and walked past me, rushing down the stairs.
  I stepped inside. I passed the door where I knew was the room where Ander and I had had sex. I didn't let myself think about it too much.
  I knocked on Samu's door. I didn't wait for an answer and opened it. He was sitting at his desk, probably studying.
  "Hi" he said. He frowned his brows. "Is everything ok?" So I looked the way felt.
  "Actually... no.. is it ok that I came here? Are you busy? I can leave-"
"No no stay. I like your company"
  I sat on his bed. "I wanted to talk to someone. To a friend." My voice was weak.
  "I didn't think we'd still be friends after what happened yesterday" he said with a sad smile.
  "I don't cut people from my life because my brother acts like a jerk." I had a sad smile on my lips too. "Are you... are you upset about last night?" I was drowning in my own foolish problems that I'd forget about everyone else's.
  "At first I was yes... but I'm starting to get used to it actually. Marina was there for me, so I guess that's more important." At least she wasn't acting like a bitch to everyone.
  "I'm glad that you two are... together." It was the truth. He was good for Marina. And she was good for him.
  He chuckled. "At least there's one person that thinks that way. So, what's going on?"
  "It's... about Ander... and me..." I started hesitantly.
  "Did you.. like, broke up? Or something?"
  "No, no... not yet at least. And we can't break up, actually, cause we're not dating. We're just... fucking.. or we were..."
  "Were?"
  I told him exactly what happened. Or at least what I remembered.
  When I was done, he said, "Wow.. I don't think I should say this, but I'd really like to be there and see Guzman's face when he saw you..." we both chuckled..
  "You're probably thinking that I'm just a rich kid that can't see over their ridiculous problems when other people-"
  "No. I don't think that. Not about you. Everyone has their own problems. Some more difficult to deal with, but again... it's about the person and how a problem affects them. Someone could be dealing with all the shit of the world, but either because he's so strong or so senseless, he manages. And then there are some people that might be weak, or a problem just hits them in the wrong time and they break down." He stood up and sat next to me on his bed. "And you are not weak. I can tell as much. And as far as I know you and your family have been through some things.. and I understand why this story affects you the way it does. And it's because you care. And that's rare, Iréne."
  Tears were forming in my eyes. "Do you think I'm a bad person? For lying to my brother. All this time. Today I technically spat the lies at his face. When I know what he's been through... when I know what my family's been through.."
  "It's not bad to want something for yourself. Because you like Ander and you want to be with him, but you also don't want to hurt your brother, that's why you lied."
  "No no no I don't like Ander that way he's just a friend. With some... benefits.." I didn't like Ander that way, right? He's my friend. We were fucking just for fun. That was all.
  "Anyway" he clearly didn't believe that "I think that spending time with him made you feel good. Not just your body, but your soul. I didn't know you before, but once I met you and whenever I saw you with Ander, I saw a happy person. Two happy people, actually. And to be honest I don't know how no one noticed. Whenever you were with him, even if you weren't talking to each other and were just in the same company, you were both happier."
  It was true, I realized. Ander didn't just make me feel good in the bed. His presence was soothing.
  He had almost healed that part of me that was afraid to interact with others because of what'd happened to Marina. And I hadn't realized that until now. I had been blind.  But that didn't matter...
  "So no, you're not a bad person."
  "But I have to stop seeing Ander." It hurt to think about it. "I won't be the one to ruin their friendship. Guzman needs his friends right now. I won't take them away from him. I can't be selfish now.."
  "I don't think it'd be selfish to be with Ander. And it will hurt both of you if you stop. I'm sure about that" he was right, but I didn't want to say that out loud. I didn't want for it to sink in. "But you know better... so do as you wish."
  I hugged him tightly "Thank you. Thanks for listening to me. And thanks for saying all that to me. I needed to hear it."
  "We're friends. You said it. That's what friends are for." He was hugging me back.
  When we withdrew, I asked him, "so, since that's what friends are for, do you want to tell me something? Can I help you with anything?"
  He considered it for a second. I knew that there were things that we didn't tell each other, so I didn't know if he would tell me what his problems were...
  "I have some problems with my brother... actually my brother has some... difficulties since he got out of jail that I recently learned, but... I think we'll manage.." he suddenly seemed distant...
  "Is there any way that I can help?" I really wanted to help him. "If it's something financial, I could help for sure."
  He hesitated, he opened his mouth, as if to tell me more, but then he closed it again. He shook his head, "No, we'll figure it out. But thank you. It means a lot. That you're offering."
  I smiled. "I'm gonna go now... again, thanks for everything. If things get out of control with your brother, call me to help you"
  He nodded and waved goodbye.
 
  When I got home, Ander was no longer there.
  Guzman approached me as soon as I got in. "I'm sorry. I should have believed you immediately." He said. My heart broke. I almost told him the truth right there and then.
  It took me a lot of effort to say, "It-it's ok. I understand why you didn't. Are you ok with Ander?"
  "Yes. We talked about many things. He struggles, Iréne. With tennis and his father. He thinks he can't give up because his parents have spent all this money on him. But he hates it. And that's why he got involved with drugs. Anyway, we're good now. That's what matters."
  I hugged him quickly and went to my room.
  When I laid on my bed, I let the tears escape my eyes.
  Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'd tell Ander about my decision.
 

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