My Fairy Queen Anne

it's golden, like daylight

Dear Gilbert,

I look like my mother...

Every freckle on my milky white complexion, every strand of my dratted red hair, it was from her, Mrs. Bertha Shirley. Furthermore, she was a teacher, Gilbert! As I ponder it, I feel her very presence in this room. I like to imagine that she's standing above me now, running her hands through my hair and humming a song in the most motherly of fashions. Perhaps she's been here with me all along, silently guiding my way to Avonlea, to the life I was meant to have, to you, my dear. 

My lamentable freckles and ghoulish hair seem more bearable now, to know that it's a piece of her that will always remain with me. We found this out through a book, The Language of Flowers. There was a stunning portrait of my mother from the hand of my father, a dashing Mr. Walter Shirley. How it thrills me to think that every time that I run my hand across the smooth page, I am touching where my father has laid his hand almost seventeen years ago! Maybe I'll always be Carrots, but I like to imagine that my mother's hair was more the bright, contrasting color of rose petals on the snow, elegant and stunning. Even though I adore Marilla and Matthew with all of my being, it gives me great joy to know that I was loved. That I am still loved.

Enough about me now. I still cannot believe the events that have transpired have led me to you! I can scarcely believe that you, the pride and joy of Avonlea, could ever have romantic feelings for me over such a breathtaking woman like Winifred. I'll never quite fathom it, though I'm the happiest girl in the world. 

Gilbert, I still do not understand your decisions. Though I will forever be indebted to you for making me the most joyous woman in PEI, the Sorbonne was your dream. I can't help but feel that you're giving up something to be with me. Winifred was the pathway to all you've ever wanted and I took that away. For that, I'm truly sorry. Even that magnificent kiss can't compare to all your beautiful aspirations. 

Speaking of Winifred, I owe everything to her. To think that our realization was through the very woman you left to be with a plain girl like me! That chance encounter made my life better in ways that even I can't explain. I admit that her telling me about the engagement being called off was the first time I had heard about it. Your letter's contents may have been... misunderstood by an unfortunate turn of events. And my beloved Diana, I would give her the world on one of her own pure silver platters for what she did. It's ever so unfortunate that you didn't get my letter before we left Avonlea, perhaps we would've gotten more time to say our farewells, but I still thank the good Lord every minute for allowing me to be with you.

Which brings me to the next topic; our reunion. Gilbert, forgive my bold sentiments, but that moment was one of the few things that could not be improved on by the imagination! It was a piece of the heavens, brought down to us two young souls. The tender gentleness of your lips on mine, the feeling of your soft skin, it made me feel in ways that you couldn't possibly imagine and would be improper and quite scandalous to describe to you. 

That's why I must pose the question: do you intend to be my beau? I do not ask to be forward nor desperate, but I long to know how you feel, if you still feel the same way. I don't doubt that there are many beautiful women in Toronto, mayhaps with beautiful honey colored hair or dark raven curls with eyes the color of fresh earth. If you'd still want this homely orphan who spends her time reading and writing love letters to you, I'm yours, Gilbert. I'd forever be yours. This new sensation, it's refreshing. My lessons from dear Princess Cordelia and the valiant Prince Wisteria taught me about the intense passions of love, but they were only part way right. Love is also feeling the adoration of the other person wash over you like rays of golden sunshine after 16 years of a moonless night. It's peace, it's home, it's safety. For me, it's you. But I have to admit, I would've accepted you and Winifred if it meant your happiness. All I want, all I've ever wanted was your happiness.