Jeremy to the West

June 1 2018 Fri $52 Day 18

Everyone thought it was silly or even stupid to begin in the prairies and head west to the mountains. I often heard that the more reasonable idea would be to deal with the mountains while my energy was high and then coast to the finish with the wind on flat ground.

There are two reasons I think that this line of thinking is missing the point. First: what would I have to look forward to if I started among these breathtaking, snow-capped peaks? Saskatchewan? Ew.

Second: what kind of narrative is that? Who the hell ever heard of a 3-act structure in which act 3 is the least challenging for a protagonist? It's the climax! The finale! There has to be great conflict, drama, triumph. What sounds more triumphant? Conquering a mountain range, or letting the wind push my little short shorts home?

With that established, I set out from Calgary today, experiencing a big problem before even exiting the city. A screw on my back shelf came out at some point, causing the bottom hook of my rear-left bag to rub the braking disc. I searched frantically along the curb for the screw before another cyclist approached and informed me of a Home Depot just down the road.

Thanking him, I faceted my bag in a precarious fashion and rode to it. There I was helped in finding a screw and then told to quietly leave the building like I hadn't found what I needed. What's that? 40 cents saved? Cha-ching.

Not long after hitting the road again, another cyclist pulled up beside me on the shoulder. "That's a lot of stuff you got there," he said. "Where are you headed?"

"Vancouver. From Winnipeg," I replied.

He laughed in amusement and gave a thumbs up before riding on ahead.

It wasn't long afterward that I caught my first sight of the mountains across the horizon. I shouted in excitement. Real-life mountains! I've seen mountains before, sure. On TV and movies. I even drove up one in Cuba. But these... They're the same powerful colossi as in all those Bob Ross paintings. Majestic and beautiful as the earth can sculpt. And I get to ride through these bad boys.

And that's just what I did for most of the day, marvelling at their enormous splendour. But I also pushed today because I figured Banff was close enough that I could camp there tonight. It's a little off-course, but my sister wanted me to see it.

I arrived at Banff's campgrounds around 22:30 and rode around a bit to find my assigned site. As I did this, some drunk guys in a tree shouted, "donkey!" at me in a Scottish accent. I replied with the same cry and they all laughed wildly.

Doesn't matter how far you go. The memes are already there. And they are waiting.

I have to leave you. I'm so sorry.

Look at those bad boys.

Some 2017 image of painted rocks.

Getting kinda daunting.

Nice lake.

Banff Banff baby.

People are starting to comment on my nose.