Jeremy to the West

May 19 2018 Sat $24 Day 5

Y'know, it's the darndest thing, but today was actually warm and sunny. I had to ride into the wind again, though, so still shit.

I had the most beautiful breakfast this morning. We're talking toast with blueberry jam and peanutbutter, banana, orange, cereal, mango yogurt, mini doughnuts, orange juice and green tea to wash it all down. I left Virden rejuvenated.

Atop all this, a friend of mine suggested I place a sock under my ass before hopping back on my seat—at least until I come across a store that sells padded riding shorts. The idea seems to work with a little awkward adjusting, so I'll continue doing it.

I finally crossed into Saskatchewan today. Purgatory, as my sister calls it for its utter lack of scenery and the sheer length of time it takes to drive across it. Sounds like it'll be a real thrill ride on a bicycle.

I did spot some cows not far in, though, close to the highway. They all looked up at me in wonder before resuming kicking up dust and mooing like the dummies had anything important to say (is that meta humour?). Not far down from the cows were a couple of donkeys, which prompted me to cry "Donkey!" in my best Scottish accent because I'm meme trash and everyone knows it.

After some time I spotted a sign for a restaurant called Red Barn, claiming to be the home of the Bronco Burger. I must've pedalled into the wind another two hours before finding the place, but when I did, you bet your ass I ordered that thing. Two patties = Two proteins. Simple math.

Something that caught me off guard in the restaurant, though—aside from the literal cowboy exiting as I entered—was that my phone displayed a different time from my watch. At this, I remembered the rift in time in which this province resides, doomed to stagnate forever. This really is Purgatory.

I'm in continental paradise.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil...

Look! Cows!

"Look! Hooooo-man!"

That succulent burger is mine.