Innocent

chapter 4

I was staring to get tired of this room. There was nothing interesting to look at and Liz kept talking non stop.

"You're really quiet Jaydee"

"You would be to if your brother died in your arms. If there was no one to protect you from what you feared, no one to face the world with you"

Liz looked interested.

"What about you father?" she asked.

I shrugged. "He died when I was in grade one"

"Didn't you mother talk about him?"

She wouldn't be asking that if she knew my mother.

"She wasn't the motherly kind of type. Well, I am sure you knew that by now, since she stabbed my brother to death and abused us since we were kids"

Liz leaned towards me and crossed her arms on the table.

I felt the need to talk now, but only because I had the feeling she was actually trying to help. Maybe I would let in her in, but just her!

"Can you tell me about your family?"

I nodded trying to force back the tears.

"Jesse and I were really close, since day one he has being my protector. He wasn't being like all the other kids out playing games and being with his friends, instead he was teaching me the things my mother never wanted to be apart of. If I was ever left alone without Jesse which wasn't often, my mother would take her problems out on me and I never could fight her away"

Liz nodded. "Did she physically abuse you or just verbal?"

"Both" I told Liz honestly.

"Why didn't you or your brother report it?"

I shrugged. "We were scared to"

"Well you should have than you wouldn't be in this mess"

I took a deep breath and let it out.

"You think I don't know that, you think that I'm not regretting it thinking of how I could have prevented this. Well there is nothing I can do now, he's gone and he's not coming back!"

Liz just sat there calmly and waited until I stopped screaming and than she spoke calmly.

"They found you covered in his blood. The story is your mother ran. They think that you did it since there were no witnesses"

"Yeah well I think they are crazy. Jesse protected me from everything. Without him there is no one but my self"

"Jaydee, I understand that, but the authorities think that you guys got into a fight and it got out of hand"

I laughed.

"Well than I might as well just say that I killed him, I mean what else can I do if all evidence is pointed at me?"

Liz shook her head. "Don't lie, you didn't do it"

"You know I bet they don't even suspect my mother. She is probably innocent without even a question about it"

I glared at Liz with tears slowly making there way down my cheeks.

At this point, I hated everything and everyone. All I wanted to do was hide or join Jesse above.

"Why are you saying this stuff, when you know it's a lie?"

I leaned closer. "Why not?" I questioned Liz

"The truth is what will set you free"

"Did you ever think that maybe I don't want to be free without Jesse?"

Liz pressed her lips together and bit her bottom lip.

"If he was here right now, do you think he would like what your saying?"

That line made me mad and tears fell harder.

"To bad because he's not here and so I did it"

"Stop telling your self that, you know it's not true. I know it's not true"

I smiled. "You don't know me. How can you say I didn't do it?"

She continued bitting her lip, thinking of what she could tell me. I knew I did not kill him, but if no one was going to believe why should I keep fighting? I never learned how to fight my own battles, Jesse had always fought them for me. He would always fix everything, with him I didn't have to worry. Now I was alone; with no skills to keep going, to fight this. I didn't even know how to be alone, He was just always there.

"Jaydee, I know that this is hard for you, but don't give up"
"Easy for you to say, your whole life was not ripped apart in five seconds"
She sighed, she knew that I was right. Because I was right, my life was falling apart, the second Jesse took his last breath in my arms my life was ripped to shreds. I felt like no one in the world could understand how I felt at this moment, I felt empty and broken and alone. I let my head drop, hitting the table with a thud. It hurt a bit but not as much as the pain I felt inside. My heart felt like it was being torn from my chest and my insides were being slashed apart with a sharp bladed knife. My head started to ache with a splitting headache, maybe from smashing it on the table. I laid in on my arms. Liz was quiet, I did not mind. It was kind of nice knowing that I was not all alone in this room, but she was the last person that I wanted right now. But I guess she would have do.

I poked my fingers in the pool of tears on the table, sliding my finger around making the tip wet. I wondered how long I would have to wait here, Liz did not seem like she was leaving anytime soon. She was making notes in her notepad. I think they were about me, what else​ would she have to write about? I glanced up at her without lifting my head.
"What are you writing?" I asked her faintly.
Only eyes looked at me, her hand stopped writing.
"Just writing some case notes"
"Are they about me?"
"Some are, yes"
Just as I thought. I looked away from her, letting her go on with her writing.
I closed my eyes and wished so hard that I could fall asleep and wake up from this horrid nightmare.