The Agency: ICE (Book 1)

Chapter 8: Welcome Back

"Nico, don't you understand what I'm trying to tell you?" Vince said in Turkish as he walked with me to the Infobase.

I was sorting out my files on my holopad before getting to the large information storage building. However, Vince's constant reminders of who Nikolaev is wasn't helping me much. I figured out who he was after a lot of thinking; what else could I do in my quarantine? It was a little heartbreaking, I must say, but I'm slightly relieved that he's not dead. It's like a piece of Lilli is still there, even if she's not actually there.

"I know exactly what you're saying, Vince," I said, grief beginning to slither around my heart. "But I've recently gotten over her death. I don't need more grief. Please."

Vince studied my face before sighing. He put his hands in his lab coat pockets and slowled his walking pace. Out of habit, I followed his slow walking pattern while rolling up my holopad and putting it on my belt. Our footsteps echoed in the narrow and dark hallway, only my rolled up holopad acting as a flashlight.

"Nico, her death hurt all six of us," He said after some silence. "I doubt any of us have properly moved on."

That only sent the black grief straight into my heart.

"I know it did..." I said softly as my chest ached. "But it probably hurt Nikolaev the worst. After all, he was her husband."

"But you were her brother, Nico. She was essentially the last piece of family you had even if she wasn't actually your biological sister."

I felt the tears pricking the backs of my eyes beginning to squeeze my heart with grief's arm. Don't cry, Nico. It's already over. There's no point in crying over something that doesn't exist anymore. Besides, I have more important work to do right now. I can cry at home.

"There's a reason why it hurts him more," I said, remembering what I found out from Agent Saito.

Vince gave me a look through his side swept bangs. "What?"

I stopped in my tracks, not able to keep walking because of my breathlessness. These stupid panic attacks. They always catch up to me when I least expect it. I fell against the cold walls to catch my breath. I felt dizzy as my mind raced, electrical pulses sparking my vision and thoughts. It was as if my brain was running a marathon and a half. It was tired but kept going, even as the world around it began to spin into black.

"Hey, Nico!" Vince said through the loud winds of my mind. I felt him rub my back, and his touch made the funnel of darkness wisp away. "Take it easy. You don't have to talk about it if you can't."

"I..." I gasped a few more breaths in and out before gulping and slowly standing back up straight. "I can..." I was still slowly panting but it was better than the lightheadedness I was feeling before. "I just..." I took in my surroundings, needing something from the present to keep me stable.

"No, Nico. If you can't talk about this without passing out— a couple months out of your mental healing as well— then I'm not letting you continue."

I didn't have the energy to even argue with him anymore. The tornado of darkness scooped me up again and dropped me somewhere unknown. Vince had a point, though I hated listening to doctors telling me I'm weak.

"Fine..." I complied as the grief finally let go of my heart. "But I can handle Ivans if he and I cross paths."

"How about we talk about something else?" Vince suggested as we began to walk again.

I scoffed. "Such as?"

"What about your trip to Greece to visit your grandmother and the rest of your family?"