Bonus - Jack

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Tyler is nervous. It's not a new thing for him to be nervous but I've never seen him this nervous. I mean, the closest one might be when he knocked over a teacher on his way to practice. That's our deal. I go to his practice, he goes to mine. Though he still ducks every time the ball goes even a little bit in his direction. I love it.

His hands shake all day. I have to interpret everything he says because he's speaking so fast.

We leave school at one. The competition starts at two-thirty, maybe? I have no idea. But Tyler insists on getting there as early as his parents will let him.

He does his thing at three and I'm not allowed to follow him anywhere, so he banishes me to the arcade place next door. I go check on him every so often. I plan to do it until he gets onto the ice, but I'm ambushed by a blonde with huge pink dangly earrings.

Casey Bryce puts her hand on my chest and says, "Hey, Jack, you busy?"

"Yeah, kinda," I say awkwardly. I step away from her hand.

This is Casey Bryce. She's the most influential girl in my entire school. I should be worshipping her. I really should. But all I can think about is Tyler. He's in there freaking out and I have to make sure he doesn't panic and run away.

"With what?" she asks.

"I have to go see if Tyler's alright," I tell her.

She raises one eyebrow. "He's a big boy, he'll be alright."

I scoff. A big boy with unmedicated anxiety. "Maybe, but I really should go check on him."

"Fine. Meet me outside?"

I shrug and go to find Tyler.

He's sitting in the hallway with his chin on his knees and his hands locked together behind his head. Which is a bad sign.

I sit next to him. "You okay?"

He looks up at me and breathes, "Oh, thank God."

"What's wrong?"

"I can't do this."

"You can and you will."

"Jack."

"Tyler."

"Stop that."

"Tell me what's wrong."

"You're impossible," Tyler says. He puts his forehead back on his knees and makes a noise like a dying walrus. "Anita Avery is here. I have to compete against Anita Avery."

"Who's that?"

Tyler looks up and stares at me like I'm crazy.

"Only the most talented skater in the state. No big deal. She's definitely not headed for the Junior Olympics. No pressure."

"Sorry, I didn't know," I say.

Tyler shakes his head and looks back down, still shaking like a leaf.

We have a remarkably long talk about how much pressure he can handle. In the end, I attempt to convince him he can score higher than Anita Avery, but he's just not having it. He says he'll compete but he physically can't win. That's as far as I can push without him dropping out entirely, so we leave it there and I go back to the arcade while he warms up.

I let myself hope that Casey Bryce left when I didn't see her outside, but it turns out she was lurking inside the arcade like a sewer rat.

"Have you talked to him?" she asks.

"Uh... yeah."

She smiles and pulls me over to a Pac-Man game. We get to the tenth level without speaking.

And suddenly, Casey Bryce is trying to kiss me.

She's got her lips all puckered up and she's leaning toward me.

I stumble back and she has to take one heavy, awkward step forward so she doesn't fall on her face. It's completely horrifying.

"What's wrong?" she demands.

"I-I-I..." I can't come up with an excuse. Why won't my brain work? "I can't," I tell her.

"Well, why not?"

I don't know. I really don't know. I just can't.

"Is it Tyler?" she asks.

"What?"

She tilts her head to the left like she's talking to a kindergartner who just wet his pants. "It's Tyler, isn't it? You two are-"

"Wh- no! No, we are not. He's my best friend. That's all."

"Don't worry, I won't, like, tell anyone."

"Casey, we're just friends. And I'm not gay."

She doesn't look like she believes me. We stare at each other in silence for at least a full minute. It's so awkward.

"Jack! Oh, thank God." someone says. I'm jerked around to face Tyler's mother.

"What? Is something wrong?" I ask.

"Tyler broke his arm. We have to go to the hospital, come on."

I follow her without another word, my heart already working overtime. She drives like a madwoman to the hospital, having been delayed an entire twenty minutes while she looked for me.

We spend a total of four hours in the hospital. Most of it is waiting. Waiting for the doctor to check him out, waiting for an OR to open up, waiting for them to fix his arm. He comes out with a bright yellow cast and a ton of painkillers.

His parents won't let me stay the night so he can get some rest, so my mom picks me up. We sit in the living room and wait for my dad to come home. It's quiet for a long time.

When he finally gets here, Mom sits him down and says, "Jack, what's wrong?"

"Tyler broke his wrist."

"But what's wrong?"

"I just told you what's wrong with him."

She sighs. "What's wrong with you?"

"I wasn't there."

Dad looks surprised. "You weren't?"

"Jacob," my mother scolds. She softens her voice and turns back to me. "Where were you?"

"In the arcade next door. With Casey Bryce. I wasn't there for Tyler because of stupid Casey Bryce."

"I can see you're frustrated about that," Mom says. "Would you like to use your word?"

"Yes, please."

"Go ahead."

My parents allow me to use one curse word every month. Or once a week if it's a bad week. I think this is going to be a bad week.

"I hate that bitch."

Mom and Dad both chuckle, which I don't understand. There's nothing funny about this. Tyler broke his wrist. Alone. Because I was busy listening to Casey Bryce accuse me of being gay. I hate her. I really do. I should've been there with him. He didn't even get to compete.

I can't believe I wasn't there.

"Jack, is something going on between you and Tyler?" Mom asks.

"What? No."

"Do you want there to be?"

I don't answer that.

I wish I could just say no. But I don't lie to my parents. And I honestly don't know the answer to that question. We're in middle school. There's no room to be different here. 

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