Cabin Nine [[Revised Edition] Under FURTHER Revision]

Eighteen

I think it helps some. Within the first month of my "out and proud" act, the bullying stops completely. It might be that Jack is threatening people again, but I'd like to think it's me. Plus, if I stay in the dark, I can't accidentally give people incriminating information.

And in the second month, three people from the chess team come out. Jack vows to protect them like he protects me, which makes me less secure in my belief that my overwhelming homosexuality killed the homophobia.

In November, Jack's parents go to California to visit family for Thanksgiving. He stays home alone because of me. My parents are inviting my whole family over and I'm staying with Jack all week because of it. They would probably drown me before they willingly shared a table with me.

The first night, we just cuddle. It's the best I've ever slept. The second, we're both thinking the same thing. There's a lot of unresolved tension and some wandering hands. I wake up curled into him like we're one person, his hand still halfway into the waistband of my pajama pants.

When he comes home from soccer practice that day, I'm waiting for him on the couch. He's all sweaty and gross from practice. I meet him at the door.

"You sure about this?" he asks, already reading my mind.

"I trust you."

He smiles. "I love you, you know that?"

"You'd better."

He drops his stuff on the floor and pulls me into a kiss. I lead him upstairs to his room, where we stay for the rest of the night. After, when Jack is asleep, I can't stop thinking.

Marriage. I was taught abstinence my entire life. Obviously, that didn't work out. It was awkward, sweaty, and fun, and it was everything it was supposed to be. If we had to wait that long, I don't think we would still be the same couple.

I'm explicitly forbidden from talking about it even to my gay chess club friends because they already know I like Jack but they think he's straight.

God, how can anyone actually whole-heartedly believe that? The man came to school in his platform shoes for Halloween. His official costume was a hooker but I think he just wanted to wear his mom's fishnets. I wish I could make fun of him for it, but Jesus Christ forgive me, he looked amazing.