Cabin Nine [[Revised Edition] Under FURTHER Revision]

Fourteen

sixteen years old

Jack and I just sit in the cabin for the first hour of free time. He's on his own bed this time, which is kind of disappointing, but his hand is hanging down through the gap between the wall and the bed. I think it's to remind me that he's there. He wouldn't want to hold hands right now. Not with everybody in here. No matter how much I might want to.

People leave to do things and Jack and I stay where we are. I've just worked up the courage to ask him to come down to my bed when the cabin fills up again. Besides Kieran and Henry, no one is missing.

I don't have the energy for this. I feel like a pile of bricks.

"So, dude, what happened?" Someone asks. I can't remember his name and I don't really care about it right now.

Jack sits up, making the bed creak like it always does. I can't remember how many times it's done that before he leaned over and asked if I was asleep. But now he's jumping off the side and squatting in front of me like I'm a sad kindergartener.

"Can I tell them?"

I don't even think before I say it. "Manny?"

"No, just Sid."

"Sure."

I don't remember when we made that up. I don't remember a lot of things. I wish I couldn't remember what happened last night. I wish for so many things that can't happen. My parents will never truly accept me. I will never forget this summer. I will never be normal.

Jack stands straight up with his feet together and adjusts an imaginary tie. He tells our cabin pretty much everything. How Kieran and Henry "kidnapped" me. How Jack realized we were gone. What they said that he heard, which was pretty bad. He didn't use their exact language but I think everyone gets the message. They look horrified. Jack doesn't confirm Kieran's allegations and nobody asks. I think they'd be okay with it. I don't know most of their names but I remember how they reacted to the sermon the other night.

I just want to go to sleep. I don't want to talk about this any longer.

The cabin discusses it without me. I tune them out and realize it when Jack rams an elbow into my ribs. I didn't even notice he sat down next to me. He looks worried again. "You okay?" he asks softly. When I nod, he follows it with a normal volume "They asked if we want to go to the Snack Shack with them."

"Of course," I reply.

Jack doesn't stop looking worried the entire time. He watches me like I'm a porcelain glass doll teetering at the edge of the shelf, ready to break. All of us go to the Snack Shack together. Jack buys me an ice cream cone. We go up toward the pool and sit in the field in front of it, just the two of us.

Jack fumbles with his sunglasses and steps on them halfway there, so we stop and settle in where we are. Ever the prankster, Jack and I sit off to the side. He calls out a warning as people pass so they don't step on the broken plastic lenses. He likes watching the barefoot people flail when he shouts at the last second. Two people step on them but they have shoes, lucky for us. We'd get in trouble for that.

When the steady stream of people has died down, Jack grins at me and says, "This is our first official date. No complaints allowed."

"I'm not complaining," I say.

I'm yellow right now. For the first time in so long. Jack is golden and radiating warmth. I just want to cuddle against him and sleep. But I don't. There are people here.

Jack must sense my need to touch him. He looks around to make sure we're alone and puts his hand over mine. It's not much, but it's enough. The smallest bit of Jack can make me feel so much better. Maybe I shouldn't rely on him so much, but what could break us apart at this point? We have too much history.

We finish our ice cream in silence. A group of Jack's athletic friends come to ask him to join them in a game of basketball. He turns them down at first because of me, but we compromise. He'll play and I'll stay and watch, staying where he can keep an eye on me. I think he tries to show off a little bit. I've been to his basketball games before. It's just different this time.

The banquet is weird. Jason is weird. Everyone is weird. They keep glancing over at me. Jason stares directly my way as he explains the schedule for tomorrow one last time. They told me my parents were called and that I was going home with the youth group but nobody is acting like everything is okay anymore.

Jack holds my hand under the table the whole time. He goes the entire meal eating with his left hand. People don't think anything of it because he's just weird like that. He's just Jack. I think I fall a little bit more in love with him.