The Sex of Debby Ryan

chaps 34: i can finally fry an egg

I came back to school the next day with a messy bun once again contemplating how I continue to live in my poor, boring existence. Today, I picked a Balenciaga backpack to accompany me to school, since no one else would since I have no one.

"Betch!!!!!!" Chartreuse, my best friend, ran up to me, gracefully in his platform boots and gave me two cheek kisses and then tied arms with me. "So, Dave-Smith that slag is dead. There's a party to celebrate it tomorrow night at Donna Shmadgirliels. You wanna crash it?"

I started crying. "But, my poor, supple, virgin, lonely, single, desperate, dying form!"

He did a deathdrop before rising. "You whore, forget about all that! I heard Debby Ryan is going."

Well shit, if Debby Ryan, someone I have nothing to do with, is going then I have to go.

"Fine, but I have a boyfriend-"

He slapped me in the face, kicked me in the stomach, then pushed me to the ground and screamed excitedly. "OMG who????????"

I smirked. "🤪."

He slapped me in the face, broke my arm, quickly went to get some acylics done, came back and screamed. "Who?"

"Bradchaddadbad Oliver."

He pushed me onto the ground, kicked my face into the wall, gave me a bloody broken nose and smiled. "Wow! You two would be so cute! That really vibrates my veins."

I cleaned myself up, healing all my injuries in the process before getting back up. "It should. We're like, official now."

"Great, I guess that means I get Debby Ryan all to myself." He then winked.

I gave him a weird look. "But, I thought you're-"

"As friends! Obviously! Who are you kidding? I can't wait to thrust myself into a woman for the first time and get my hands around that vagina-" He then vomited. There must be no correlation. Startled, he ran off, throwing up on more people in the process.

I stuck out my tongue at the situation and proceeded walking until I heard the clicking of fingers behind me. "Bitch. Turn around." The cold command came from Slaisy. I turned around. "Wow, you look like shit. It's no wonder we stole Kyle from you. Although, how the fuck did you get Bradchaddadbad Oliver to agree to be yours."

8ft Sadie snapped her fingers, today wearing a classy top that says 'I went outside once. The graphics weren't that great.' "Yeah, he's so sexy the way he only eats meat, starts crying at the sight of objects made of silver, has hairy palms, howls at every full moon-"

Smaisy Urinate folded her arms. "Point is. He's sexy."

Shmadgirliels spoke, wearing her kimono despite it not being non-uniform day. "ハイ！とてもセクシです！"

"So sexy that you shouldn't have him. Sadie here is gonna steal him from you."

Sadie stomped her foot down, making a dent in the floor. "Yeah! Wait, I thought you said I could have Debby Ryan-"

"Don't worry about it."

"Ok."

Slaisy finished applying bad fake tan, orange eye shadow and spoke. "You don't deserve him. Prepare to not put up a fight. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

Ominous. I shuddered, starting to walk away with sass when I heard a roar behind me. I turned, to find Slaisy had turned into godzilla. "Y⃠o⃠u⃠ b⃠e⃠t⃠c⃠h⃠i⃠n⃠g⃠ b⃠i⃠t⃠c⃠h⃠"

I could barely understand her in her new deep voice. However, I couldn't see godzilla's face, because godzilla had grown so tall that she had to break through the ceiling to achieve her true form. She seemed to be stuck like this, with all the people screaming around her as she accidentally stepped on people, murdering them, so as anyone would, I went to my first lesson - science.

I walked in after being half an hour late since I bumped into Gordon Ramsey earlier who gave me a quick cooking lesson on how to fry an egg. Ellen Degeneres was our teacher for this lesson, which meant there was a live audience at the back of our class watching her teach us. Ellen was in the middle of teaching us about magnets, since we were a very advanced class, when I walked in. "So, when turned like this, this magnet is me and this other magnet is humility because we just repel from each other- Katie Kardashiondumbface! Why are you so late?"

"Godzilla came to life and just started murdering people. Also I saw Gordon-"

"Understandable. Sit down so we can finally continue the class. There's a spare seat next to Debby Ryan." My breath hitched in my throat as I made my way around to sit at the spare seat left conveniently next to the new fit boy. In a fit of nerves, I stuck out my tongue, embarrassed at my little effort today since I was wearing a messy bun.

We were now sat next to each other. Debby Ryan, in his bad boy form, was just casually caressing a gun under his desk. Of course, I thought nothing of it. Except, I got nervous I started physically vibrating in fear of embarrassing myself in front of famous boy actor Debby Ryan.

For like the seventh time this lesson, I heard the live audience behind us laugh. "Yes, folks. Dumb student bitch Dave-Smith Junior Junior Calpol the third died the other day. Can you believe it?"

Then they laughed again. No fair. That was one of my best friends. Suddenly, my vibrating grew immensely when I almost fainted. Debby Ryan caught me, holding me like we were in a dramatic k-drama scene. Her features softened as he looked at me and pushed me back up to sit securely, brushing the fair out of his face and smirking. He moved away to sit in his seat. "I'm Debby Ryan."

"I'm blaskkasakdjhd"

"What?"

Oh, darn it! My quirky nerves had got the best of me! "I'm tghkhdxyjrssxf,ys,mk,,,,,"

"Huh?"

Oh no! I was about to blow it! "Kaaaaaaaaaa."

"????????"

I punched myself in the head, quickly regaining my sanity, blood also seeping down my face. "Katie Kardashiondumbface. At your service."

At your service? Oh no. This boy was bringing out all my quirks. He ruffled my hair. About to speak, he was interrupted, by Ellen Degeneres. She was holding a mic and was next to our table. "And what do we have here folks? Two new lovebirds?"

Debby Ryan smirked. I, as per usual, was starstruck by this new, unfamiliar situation. "No! Boyfriend! Me have! Me have boyfriend! Boyfriend! Bradchaddadbad Oliver!"

Ellen Degeneres gave me a look of disapproval, throwing her Ellen Underwear ™ at me. I sniffed it. It smelt like garlic and cod. Ellen gave me a knowing look. I gave her a look of disapproval, throwing it on the floor, but not failing to notice how Debby Ryan sneakily took it and stuffed it in his bag for later. The live audience behind us were still laughing at her antics. I looked at them and noticed how they were all wearing name tags that said "My name is Karen" on it.

Debby Ryan quirked an eyebrow after brushing his hair out of his face. "You're dating Bradchaddadbad Oliver?"

My jaw started trembling as tears were forming in my eyes. Oh no! His likable personality was affecting me. I struggled to form words, simply saying. "Y-y-you too."

I started crying and fainted, sticking out my tongue in disgust at the situation.

A/N: omg lol the mc is such a virgin