Loving Him

A Hug Will Do

Chapter Seventeen -

-Megan's Point of View-

I woke up this morning feeling extra weight on my shoulders. It's Ryan's birthday today. He would've been 25 today. The left side of the bed is empty so I know Jay's already left for work.

My phone rings and I see that it's Sophia. I contemplate whether to answer it or just let it ring. I swipe right and she doesn't need to say anything in particular. We both know it isn't the best day.

"You okay?" She asks me. Trying to be.

"Yeah.." I whisper.

"Listen, I don't think I can visit him today. I've been puking nonstop and Mark isn't here to drive me," she explains.

"It's okay, I understand," although I really need her now, she's not in the best form to be holding me as I pathetically weep.

"Are you gonna be okay by yourself?"

"I think so," maybe.

We say goodbye and I take a step in the shower. I stay in there longer than usual. Showers are always a good thing. I like showers.

When I finally decide to get out, I wrap my hair in a towel and dry my body. The mirror allows me to apply my makeup. I put on concealer, foundation, mascara. The essentials. I don't bother with my eyebrows because they're already filled in to perfection. My mother said I was blessed with lovely brows, the only thing I should be thankful from my father.

After twenty minutes of trying to look less of a troll, I pick out an outfit to wear. A dark blue dress and brown flats. Ryan liked it when I wore dresses. I leave my hair in it's natural waves and walk down the stairs to see Pedro wagging her golden tail.

"Hi baby, mommy will be leaving you for a little while. Be a good girl okay?" I tell her, petting her beautiful fur. I'm annoyed that Jay wasn't annoyed.

I've already left food in her bowl and water in the other.

The drive to the cemetery is quiet and an unsettling feeling stirs in my stomach. I don't know why I'm nervous, I'm just visiting an old friend.

I get there much too quickly and I find myself wishing the drive was longer. Holding the candle in one hand and the flowers in the other, I take my time getting to his grave.

About 87 steps later, I'm standing in front of his tomb stone. "Hello Ryan, happy birthday," I greet him. I'm just glad this year I could actually manage to visit him.

I sit on his grave and place the candle and flowers down beside me. After lighting the candle I reach to feel the engravings on his headstone.

"You're such a liar, you know that?" He doesn't respond. Obviously.

"You said that for your 25th birthday, we'd be scuba diving in the Caribbean Ocean. I don't know about you.. but this doesn't look like the Caribbean."

I spend an hour just talking to him. Talking to someone who doesn't respond. I kind of like it. Sure it's lonely and a little worrying, but it makes me feel like I have a voice. I can talk to him about almost anything without having to worry about being judged.

"Remember that time you found a caterpillar and I was afraid of it because I thought it was a weird looking worm. Then you kept it in a box full of leaves and named it Jasper. I screamed at you because I said it was a girl and you said that Jasper could be a girl's name too. God how old were we back then? I think we were 7. They were good times,"

"I thought you were really stupid for calling her that but now look at me. Calling my dog that's a girl a boy's name,"

"You're still rubbing off on me. Even when you don't say anything at all,"

"I really like Pedro. She kind of reminds me of Jasper. Except for the part where Jasper was a caterpillar and Pedro's a dog and that you ran over Jasper with your bike," idiot.

"I still love Pedro and Jasper the same though,"

"I miss you," I whisper to him, hoping he can hear me and somehow come back to me.

"You never came home and I got really worried,"

"You're okay now though so it's okay," I hadn't realised tears were streaming down my face until they drip on my lap.

"But please don't get me scared like that again. You know I get scared really easily," I'm sobbing now and all I want is for Ryan to hold me and tell me it's going to be alright. He could always make me feel better.

"You're the reason I can never stop crying but you're also the only person that can get me to stop,"

"Please, Ryan,"

"Come home," I beg him.

"I need you, Ryan,"

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-Jay's Point of View-

I'm at the gate of the cemetery. Sophia called me and told me that Megan would be there. She said it would be best if I went after her.

I look around and I see her brown hair by a headstone. Her back is turned to me but I'm certain it's her. My feet take two steps at a time and soon I'm standing in front of a headstone that reads 'Ryan Jacobs 1989-2012'.

Was this the Ryan Megan was talking about? The more I think about it the more it makes sense. Why she suddenly gets upset when someone says his name. How he left and never came back.

The thought of Megan having to go through that breaks my heart. I don't think she noticed me standing here. She's crying quietly and I kneel down beside her.

I press my hand against the small of her back, "sweetheart," she jumps a little but relaxes once she sees that it's only me.

Her eyes are red and her makeup has run down her cheeks, leaving black tear stains behind. She wipes them quickly, her eyes roaming around the place.

"Oh my god, how long have I been here? We have to get home! I left Pedro all alone there! She needs food, I need to get home to her, she's gonna be sad if I don't come home!" She let's out frantically and pushes down on my shoulders on life herself up.

I get up after her and stop her from running off to the car, "get off me, Jay! Can't you see I'm in a hurry! I need to get home! We have to go home!" She starts crying again and I pull her into an embrace.

She pushes against me but I don't let go. She needs someone and she's trying to look for a distraction. "Just let it out," I tell her.

"It's not fair, Jay," she sobs into my chest, "it's not fair."

I rub her back in hopefully, comforting circles, "it'll be alright. I told you that before."

She nods her head and cries in my arms again.

"Thank you, Jay," what could she possibly be thanking me for? I only ever give her stress and most of the time, I'm the reason she cried.

"Let's get home now, sweetheart," I tell her and we walk to the car.

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Sorry it's short, but I've had a load of homework and school is just ugh?!