Till the fifth day of October (Incomplete)

Eighteen: Ride

After we come home from the trip tired, back to our lives again. Mang is doing fine at my place and my parents doesn't really bother to asked where did I got that puppy, It's really fine to me though

Ilang araw din naming hindi ma-kontak si October at hindi man lang siya nag re-reply kung ayos lang ba siya. I started to think that something must've happened to him since this isn't the first time he did this, ghosted us

I stared blank, doesn't know what to do. Why am I feeling this way? When did it start?

I hate the fact that I do really care for him, that I do love being with them, that I feel alive with him, this isn't me. I do think this is alarming but I am....happy that I have met them.

He may be dead, Agape!

You shouldn't care for him

Stop this, Agape!

It's been a while since I last heard her voice and I don't missed it

Gagawin niya ang ginawa ni Vien sa'yo!

Iiwan ka rin niya, Agape

Napa-pikit nalang ako para kumalma ang sarili.

No! He wouldn't!

Why do I feel like I don't deserve peace?

Sinusubukan kong hindi pansinin ang ang mga salita sa utak ko

I'm staring my last message to October while sitting at my chair in the classroom. He didn't even seen it. What the fxck is he even doing?! Is telling us that he's fine a hard thing to do?!

It's been a week now, October! A damn week!

"Morning, Agape sister! Nag review ka?"

The fxck is wrong with you, October?!

"Agape?"

Fxck you, October!

"Agape sister!"

"Huh?" I raised my head. I can't even think straight "I'm sorry, I didn't heard you"

Kumunot naman ang kanyang noo saka inilapat ang palad sa noo ko. What the fxck is he doing?!

"Okay ka lang ba, Agape sister?" I nodded. Tinanggal ko ang kanyang palad sa noo ko saka naman siya umupo sa tabi ko

"Si October ba?" I looked at him "He's fine, mag tiwala lang tayo" he smile, I can clearly see how those eyes lies

I'll just pretend to believe that than overthink things. Days passed without hearing a word from him

We never heard from October and it's been a week now. He never replied to our chats and texts. I can't help but to overthink and countless what if's running in my mind

Tapos na ang klase namin dahil friday naman kaya Physical Education lang subject namin at napagdesisyonan namin ni Taza na kumain sa labas dahil nagugutom na siya. Dahil wala si October ako nalang lagi ang binu-bwisit nito

"Samgyup? Agape sister! Samgyup" naka-kapit siya sa balikat ko at kunyareng umiiyak kaya naman pinagtitinginan kami ng ibang mga estudyante.

"Get off!" Hindi pa rin siya bumibitaw sa pagkaka-kapit "Fxck! I said get off" bigla nalang siyang napatigil sa pag-iiyak at bumitaw

" 'yung pagkain ko" tumakbo siya pabalik sa room at ako naman ay nagpatuloy sa paglalakad papunta sa sasakyan ko

Bigla nalang akong napahinto, hindi alam ang gagawin. Nakatayo siya malapit sa sasakyan ko habang nakatingin saakin, nakangiti ng malawak

"Hey Agape! I missed you" kumaway kaway siya saakin.

What the fxck am I supposed to do?!

Where the fxck is he this past few days? Is he just fooling us around?! Naglalakad ako patungo sa kanya habang tinititigan siya ng masama at hindi ko namalayan ang palad ko na mabilis na dumampi sa kaliwang pisngi niya.

I don't know why I did it, I am fxcking piss!

"Woah, is that how you greet me? You really miss me huh?" Hawak hawak niya ang kanyang pisngi.

Fxck you! Fxck!

Kararating lang din ni Taza dala dala ang plastic ng mga pagkain. Gulat naman siyang napatingin saamin ni October

"Where the hxll did you go?! Sana naman nag sabi ka para hindi kami mapakali kung saang lupalop ka ng mundo pumunta! O kung ano ang nangyare sayo!" I said it. Those fxcking words slipped from my mouth

"Agape sister, tama na 'yan. Baka naman may dahilan si October kaya hindi niya masabi saatin" saad ni Taza. Hindi pa rin natinag ang titig ko kay October "tsaka October brother, sana tinext mo naman kami"

"Then fxcking tell us! What the hxll are you hiding behind your mask?! What is it that you can't fxcking tell us?!" Hinahabol ko ang hininga dahil kanina pa ako sigaw ng sigaw.

"I....I'm sorry, I couldn't" fxck you, October

Tumunog na ang bell kaya nagsimula na ang subject ng ibang mga estudyanteng. At buti nalang nasa parking lot kami at wala na masyadong mga tao bukod sa mga papaalis na mga estudyante

"I'm.....I'm sorry, Agape" he said. In the end he wouldn't tell us

"You can't just leave us dumbfounded! Overthinking of what might have happened to you every fxcking night, October!"

Fxck! Fxck! Fxck! Fxck! Why am I even saying this?!

"Screw you!" Pagtapos ko sabihin ang mga salitang iyon ay naglakad na ako patungo sa sasakayan at nag drive paalis.

I do really care

I am crying hopelessly while driving. Inihinto ko muna sa tabi ang kotse dahil lumalabo ang mga mata ko dahil sa pag iyak

"Fxck!" What am I even doing?!

"Fxck you, October!"

Nang kumalma na ako agad naman akong nag drive uli at umuwi. Wala ang mga magulang ko, lagi naman. Umakyat na ako sa kwarto ko saka nag shower at nag bihis.

Pagod ang mga mata ko kakaiyak at sa tingin ko naman madali na akong makakatulog kahit walang Xanax. Uminom ako ng madaming tubig dahil nauhaw ako sa kaka-iyak, humiga sa kama at hinayaang dalawin ng antok.