Take My Hand

Chapter 3

'Jeston'

I sat pefectly still on my chair in my room. My hands pressed firmly to my head. My heart pounding and knees shaking.'Get it together Jeston if you just try to focus you vision will clear up again'.

I blinked multiple time trying to regain my focus and stop the blurriness. But nothing was working. My fingers dug in to my hair, the pain helped the hopelessness coursing through my veins at the moment.

"Jeston are you okay?" My baby sister asked.

My fingers released the painful grip on my hair, as I tried to look at her. I could only see the outline of her little figure. I swallowed hard and tried to get a hold of my self. I would never lose it jn front of my baby sister. She looks up to me...I can't dissapoint her.

"Yeah Sally I'm alright...just go back to your room okay." I said, trying to steady the strain on my voice.

"Mom and dad just came back home with your results...they want to talk to you." She said softly, her gentle little voice calmed the storm going on my head.

My vision cleared up slightly, enough to see the little pout forming on her face. She must know what's going on, she has always been quiet perceptive, even for a eight year old.

"Okay tell them I'll be right down." I said, grabbing my hoodie pulling it over my head.

I was anxious to see my final results from the eye doctor. Whatever he wrote down will be determine the rest of my life. I can't imagine not being able to play football anymore.
..All because Dennis couldn't hold his liquor and got behind the wheel.

My fists tighten and my heart accelerates thinking about all the stupid mistakes that were made that night. I knew Dennis shouldn't have driven us back. But he was so insistent and stupid me I gave in. I have a feeling, that enormous mistake will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I make my way downstairs, my vision is still blury but not as bad as before.
I sat down on the couch in front of my parents my knees shaking from the built up anxiety.

"Hey mom, dad. What did the doctor say?" I asked, itching to know. Finally my dad spoke up.

"Jeston....he's diagnoses of your condition hasn't changed....he says you only have about three months until your vision decreases completely." And just like that my heart sank.

"But... the blurriness isn't so bad these days. It's bad, but then it eventually gets better...it always does. The doctor must be mistaken...he has to be."

My voice came out slightly strained but I managed to keep it together. Convincing myself the doctor doesn't know what he is talking about. My whole life can't be over just because of one stupid mistake...it can't be.

"Jeston... Sweety. I'm so sorry this is happening to you...but we need to prepare ourselves for what's coming next." My mom's voice broke as she was speaking, tears welling up in her eyes.

I absolutely can't stand seeing my mom cry.

"What your mother is trying to say. Is that we will be with you every step of the way son. Whatever you need." My dad said firmly.

He was always the strong one in the family. I've always admired him for that. As much as I wanted to be strong, I just felt completely defeated at the moment. I was just tired...of everything.

"I think, I just need to take a nap. I'm really tired." I said, running my hands over my face. Suddenly I was completely drained.

"Jeston... You know I love you right. And I'm always here if you need to talk." Mom said, walking over and carefully put her hand on my shoulder before pulling me into a hug.

Mom was always caring like that.

"Yeah mom I love you too." I said genuinely.

I appreciated her concern, but the last thing I wanna do right now is talk about. The more I talk about it, the more real it becomes. And the more real it becomes. The closer I get to my breaking point. I'd never get to that point, it pathetic and humiliating.

"Also I found a really good place yesterday, that I think you should check out." Mom said, pulling away to search for something in her purse.

"Here." She handed me a bright blue brochure that read 'Ridgefront Rehabilitation center.' My eyebrows creased as I read the front page. Is my mom being serious.

"Before you go off about how much you hate the idea. Just give it a read and keep it in mind. Okay Sweety." my mom's heart is in the right place so I just gave her a simple nod to appease her. But in the back of my mind I knew there's was no way I was going to a rehab center full of strangers that I can't see.

I went back to my room and kicked my chair to wall. Running my hands through my hair, my father's words echoing through my head. 'you only have about three months until your vision decreases completely' Everything I knew....it would all change forever. No more football, no more driving with the windows down with my friends...no more drawing no more playing tag with my little sister....no more cooking for mom and dad on their anniversary.....my head was spinning at this point. I was sinking fast into this deep dark hole, that I didn't even see the point of coming out of.

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-Haywire