I remember the first day of freshman year when I walked into math class and you sat down next to me but I didn't know anyone because I was knew.
A week into the school year, the teacher assigned us to the same table, and there we met the friends we'd have for the rest of the year.
We had a bond no one else shared. We were special, different.
I was new to being a true teenager and now, with you, I was experiencing a freedom I missed out on in life, before.
We did everything together. From eating lunch together, going to the bathroom together, and going to homecoming together, to losing a friend together, meeting new people, and hanging out with your friends.
Because that was the problem. I wasn't like you. You had a confidence I strived to have and you made friends a little better than I did, so it was easier for you.
So when you met the junkies, the druggies that I thought were just so cool, I couldn't compare. What you left at your old school, the addiction, returned. And sometimes I found myself a little jealous that you spent more time with them than with me. But never once did I say anything about it, because I admired and loved everything about you, and I would never put those silly thoughts onto you. So I slowly made new friends.
I talked to them too, your friends, some of which were also acquainted with me, but you immersed yourself in the pool of sharks and suddenly, you slipped out of my grasp.
Without you, I didn't have that half that we, no, I had built.
It all came to a halt during lunch. You were going to the park, the park where the junkies hung out at to get high, with your friends of course.
"Can I go with you?"
"If you want, but I'm going with the real junkies."
"I'll go with you."
We walked out of the school, like we did most days with the others, the ones who stole your attention. We hung out by one of the other entrances to the school with them when I suddenly realized: this isn't my place. And I realized this when you hadn't said anything to me, not even looked at me because you were too busy being their friend instead of mine. So I tapped your shoulder to tell you something.
"I'm going back inside."
No response.
You didn't even turn and look at me.
So I walked back in, alone.
I ate lunch, alone.
I was an aimless soul scouring the blue building for some sort of purpose, alone.
But the next day, I expected to see you where we usually met and you weren't there. And I went again the next day, and the next, until I had spent two full weeks looking for someone who wasn't returning.
During those days, I grew closer to the people you didn't associate with, the ones that you said were ugly and cringy and that you hated them, and they became my group. They were reliable and they didn't leave my side.
But truly, I don't even know if I can fully blame you. You were a product of your circumstances.
But what hurt is that I never got a true goodbye.
In the end, I was the one who settled with you and I knew you weren't in the best place, and maybe I even enabled you, so for that, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
Strangely enough, I feel like I always knew that I wasn't what you wanted. You wanted prettier, you wanted cooler, freer, more exciting, and I couldn't give you that.
But I do appreciate everything we went through together. All the strange jokes, all the talks about things only we could relate to, especially the bad things, every time you were high and I wasn't, every time you thought I was high when in reality I felt euphoric sitting on the floor next to you during lunch, every time we called people names, or ran out of the lunchroom to avoid the boy that we kicked out of our trio.
I think, in a way,
I fell in love with you.
Even though we were platonic, and strictly platonic, I genuinely think I fell in love with every single thing about you.
And maybe that's why, three months after the last time you spoke to me, I still feel this way.
And I think I always will.
Maybe you're that person that people call "the one that got away".
So just know,
I love you.
I miss you.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
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This is supposed to be written in Kairi's perspective but I truly hate writing the words "___'s pov". Anyways, this is inspired by a girl I used to be friends with. Basically this whole thing is about her. I miss her. Literally everything I wrote is what happened between us. Ugh this is lowkey gross. I don't express this to people. I hope you guys like it anyways.
