Taken

N

This was a bad idea. Why had he said he was going to perform? There were only thirty minutes until showtime and Jin had locked himself in one of the dressing rooms, tears streaming down his face like a leaky faucet. The familiar emptiness had seeped back into him, reminding him that his family would never be back even if he screamed and ripped his hair out. The fact that he wasn't with his other family members right now scared him too.

He could only look at himself in the mirror and watch as his makeup slowly got ruined. The stylists would be mad.

His brain was too fuzzy to properly remember the date, how was he supposed to remember lyrics and choreography? The lyrics which he had once fanboyed over because of their raw, deep meanings, but now they held nothing but empty promises for him.
Did Namjoon really know the world that well? Did he get his family ripped away like Jin had? So how could he claim that he was smart? Didn't people learn from experiences?

Jin sank down to his knees. He just wanted to call his mom, tell her he was having a bad day and complain to her about all the world's problems.

Those times would never come back again.

Once those moments slipped out of your hands and fell into the ground of eternity, even a million wishes wouldn't allow you to reach down and pick them back up. As much as he hated to admit it, that was the reality of life.

Jin almost didn't notice when Namjoon unlocked the door and stepped in. The leader didn't look surprised, only concerned. He quietly walked towards Jin and knelt down beside him.

No words were exchanged for a while until Jin spoke up, "I'm sorry, I'll get ready now."

He was about to stand up when Namjoon pulled his arm down and forced him to sit down again. "Don't apologize hyung."

The eldest took a deep breath as Namjoon continued, "Do you know how brave you are, hyung, to push aside your fears and worries to perform?"

"I had-had to perform . . ."

Namjoon shook his head. "You didn't have to. Sejin is willing to fly you back to Korea, if you want to."

"But I don't really know what to do other than this. Everything is happening too fast and I don't... really know how to deal with it, so I'm just trying to bury myself in work."

Namjoon sent him a sad smile. "This must still be hard for you though."

"It is, it really is."

"Why are you forcing yourself to do this then?"

Jin's eyes watered seeing the leader's expression. He wasn't sure himself if what he was doing was alright but Namjoon's reaction was scaring him.

"I-I don't know... I felt like I had to, I don't know what else to do."

Smiling gently, Namjoon patted the eldest's shoulder. "The whole idea of performing is giving your life a bit of stability, isn't it? Everything is going out of control but this, this... concert that we planned gives you a reason to keep moving and-and keep going, right?"

"Yeah."

Jin snuggled up to the leader's arms. He felt a little light-headed and dizzy from crying and he didn't even properly remember the order of the songs they were supposed to do. His chest felt empty. What Namjoon had said was true, thinking of the concert kept him on his toes, thinking of the concert prevented him from breaking down too much. The real struggle would come when the concert was over, when Jin had nothing else to look forward to, and he would be alone with just his emotions.

He was too emotionally attached. He needed to perform or else he would break down.

Namjoon slowly rubbed his back, sighing softly when he saw Jin's tears.

"No, really, hyung, if it's too hard, you don't have to do it."

"But..."

"Don't force yourself."

Jin shook his head, feeling a familiar wetness run down his face. "I can't, I actually can't, I want to go back and I want to see my family again, I don't want to be here-"

Namjoon's arms wrapped tighter around his waist as he started to cry, his mind burning with the pain that his whole life had changed so suddenly. All the plans he had made were destroyed. He wouldn't get to spend time with his mom during the next vacation that they got, nothing would happen. Guilt cycled through him as he cried. He could've prevented all this somehow. He could've made a point of calling his parents everyday and he could've texted Seokjung more. He could've showed them how much he cared about them but now it was too late.

"I really think you shouldn't perform hyung."

Jin couldn't reply.

The leader continued, "You're dealing with a lot, it isn't right to ask you to perform right now." He patted the eldest's back. "I'm going to tell Sejin hyung that you can't perform."

Maybe that was a good idea. Jin detached himself from Namjoon's shoulder and kept his head down to avoid looking into his eyes. The firm grip around his waist stayed. The emptiness was just as strong as before. Suddenly, it felt like there was no possible way he could perform. He couldn't remember anything. All he could feel was guilt.

"I... I... yeah, fine, I get it-"

"Take some time to yourself. You need it." Namjoon nodded at him. "I'll go tell Sejin hyung."

As Namjoon got up and walked away from him, Jin found out why the leader was so smart.

Namjoon was smart because, sometimes, he could tell what exactly others around him could or could not do.

---------

"Sejin hyung said that they can book the first flight back tomorrow so you can go back," Taehyung said. He regarded Jin sadly as the eldest warily looked up and nodded. "That means it's going to take off at like five in the morning, which means you'll have to leave the hotel at like one, which means... I won't be seeing you again for a while."

Taehyung had snuck away from the others and gone to talk to Jin while the others lined up in preparation for the performance. The staff were probably looking for him, but he wasn't too worried. He was only going to talk for a bit.

"It's-it's time for you to go Tae... there's like five minutes left."

"I know."

Taehyung suddenly grasped Jin in a hug, patting his messy hair with his big hands.

"Stay strong hyung, stay strong."

Jin smiled shakily, and that was enough. Taehyung pulled away and left, shutting the door to the dressing room behind him. A quiet sob from inside broke his heart but a staff member ran towards him, quickly rushing him over to the entrance of the stage. There was no more time to think about Jin; the show was starting.

The show must go on.

He needed to hurry.

Taehyung hurried over to join the others.

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