confusion's illusion

bothers me still, ngl

Maybe the reason it bothers me so much is that deep down I know I didn't listen to myself and my intuition.

And that I hoped so much, in nothing.
Hoped so long, in nothing.

In the potensial of what it could be.

Maybe the reason it bothered so much is that deep down I knew it couldn't be. And it'll never be.

Maybe the reason it bothered me so much is everytime I crossed my lines bc of you I was forcing my intuition to shut up and instead, told it: this is what you want,okay?

Maybe the reason it bothers me so much is because I knew it wasn't what i really wanted.

Maybe the reason it bothers me so much is that i choose to stay and hope.

Maybe the reason it bothers me so much is the fact that I knew I can only take responsibility of what I should learn, but instead I blamed it on your actions.

Maybe the reason it bothers me still is because now know I still have a lot of healing to do.

Maybe the reason it bothers me still is because I know I dragged this out so long. And there's nothing you did or didn't do that could make feel closure.

I can only do that for myself.

Maybe it bothers me still is cause I knew it all along.
I chose not to listen.
I thought I listened. But I wasn't really listening.

Maybe that's why I'm still bothered, ngl.