Song of the Heart (Khun x Bam) On Hiatus

Everything

"You look glum." Khun eyed the boy—man, he needed to stop viewing him as a child now that he was aware of his actual age.

The student was typing away at his laptop while throwing his vision every five minutes to the long haired man's way. His features exuding something inexplicable.

"Are you perhaps, regretting of letting Rachel go?" Khun posed, closing his laptop, focusing his attention towards the boy sitting in his bed, posture prim and proper.

"We regret a lot of things in life Bam. This is just another one of those." His voice was still off, it was like listening to someone who's nose was pinched while speaking.

Weirdly pleasant to hear but Bam thought about it much. Despite a trivial thing for his mind to marvel on, on the inside he was antsy. He learned that it was better to fixate his wandering thoughts to something else.

"But Mr. Khun..." He paused, eyes flickering. "It feels terrible. It's worse than feeling sad."

"Is it? I'd like to think that none are worse than the other. These negative emotions we feel..." Khun struggled to explain the science of emotion to someone who probably has little to knowledge of the subject.

Bam wasn't necessarily dumb but his lack of interaction and information of the world made it quite the challenge. He was more of like a child. Unaware of the inner and outer workings of the world.

"You're right, regretting is worse."

Quiet.

Khun observed that the man across him was used to keeping his mouth shut which he preferred over a rambunctious talking but to be in someone else's company in utter silence felt off.

Not that he had any notabole comparisons since he rarely invited anyone over his place save for a nosy classmate who works a bar.
"What are you thinking Bam?" Blue hues probing amber shades to face him. He had a strong opinion whenever people didn't face him.

"Everything." Vague.

What is everything exactly? To Khun, it was exactly what the word entails, it included all the things he knew of and not. But to the man who hadn't the fortune of experiencing what he had.

It was different.

Everything to him was dark. Excruciatingly numbing memories of the past he wished he had a clear vision instead of figments and fragments of a piece of a puzzle, and not even a full piece.

How agonizingly so to be ignorant. Bam was clueless. Unaware of the things around him, only getting by from listening and understanding what the other people he came across talked about.

Despite his age, more than half of his life, he does not remember. Seven years worth of memory stored in his brain, the thirteen he couldn't recall no matter how hard he nagged himself to do so.

The faintest of hints, a smile, brown long hair and another colored blonde. But there was something else but his head ached.

He was thrown out of the orphanage a week after he was moved there, unbeknownst to him how he got there.

Children of all ages were present in there. They smiled and laughed genuinely, so sweet and precious. He envied it. He saw how they hung out with each other, so much trust and affection in their eyes.

They never once approached him. Bam was thirteen, hair at a decent length and what was considered normal. He felt alone, dismal in the dark abyss of self-isolation. And then he was kicked out.

But not before a formal beating, threatening him to tell anyone. "Get out of here!" It was loud and clear. He wasn't wanted. Who would want to?

He wandered and wandered, traversing the harsh streets in the seasons of spring, summer, autumn and winter. First year alone in the streets, or from what he remembered was terrifying.