Previously known as Querencia.
Poets, as often as they say, they said the truth. Love cannot be controlled or planned. It comes like rain on a sunny day; an unseasoned downpour. Like a gust of harsh wind on a heated day. It comes with a painful epi...
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یہ لوگ شیشہء دل کوکم نگاہی سے توڑ دیتے ہیں
***
A month and a half later
He woke up and immediately went to get ready, doing his morning routine and wearing a white shalwar kameez, his black shoes and his watch he instantly left taking his wallet and car keys to her place. His heart singing symphonies of pain and love. The pain she gave birth to in him. Over and over again. The love that still chose to intensify even after all this pain, hurt, ache, and all the various hues of gloom. His face was adorned with those shades but the mask over it did a wonderful job to cover them and keep them hidden.
The drive seemed long while silence prevailing the radio's sound and his mind. It was his daily routine now, every Saturday he would visit her and stay there for the whole day. He knew it was him who has to keep trying to make this marriage work, Syra was indifferent to this. He knows, it is hard for her. But if life has given her to him then he is making sure to take care of him. It irked him to see her ignoring him but he knows one day he will have a little space in her heart, maybe just in a congested corner. He just hoped for that day to come soon. She was still grieving and he needed to give her time. .. Hearing a honk and a car entering the driveway, she immediately wore her dupatta (a long length cloth to cover yourself) and descended the stairs. She had been waiting for him. It was usual for him to come here and after 3 weeks, she started waiting for him. So much had changed in this month. She decided to give this relation a chance. For she knew, she can't forever stay in the past and let it overpower her future. No matter what the circumstances were, they still were married. Sneaking a glance she was stunned to see him looking like a handsome Greek god in the Shalwar kameez he was wearing. Her heart fluttered and sang this soft melody of happiness as his scent filled her nostrils. Ignoring her feelings and muttering gibberish she maneuvered her way to the kitchen to make something for lunch. She was upset because he was late. Despite not knowing her feelings she had accepted him as her husband and she found this a start. A new beginning. A small smile lit up on her face as she thought of him but immediately vanished because with this a painful memory of her father entered her vision. With hands slightly shivering she started preparing his favorite desi dish kadhai for lunch.
☆ His eyes searched for her as soon as he entered the premises of Hussain's house. Slowly with disappointment filled eyes, he turned to greet his mother-in-law, when her pazeb (anklets) sound was heard, clinking and making a soft noise that was a muse to his heart, pulling its string over and over again. He saw her clad in a plain white shalwar kameez, same as him, with baby pink dupatta. His heart whispered her name repeatedly and smiled contently, his eyes erasing the disappointment, now shone with love. Love only for her. He saw her going to the kitchen and he then turned to greet other members. The silence that had stretched between them hugged and rejoiced in each other's embrace. It danced and laughed and cried for being apart so long. It made love and confessed. There were so being said and much happening in the unsaid. Who would have known? but the heart always wants what it wants. He was sitting with her brother and mother, laughing and answering them every question when a smell of his favorite dish hit his nostrils, an aroma so savory he wanted to devour at the exact moment that his starving stomach growled. She came out of the kitchen only to announce that lunch is ready. Looking ever so beautiful with her hair now up in a bun, closed much to his dismay, but still managed to take his breath away with a few strands coming over her face and resting on the side. He was ready to devour what she had made. He had always loved her kadhai. The reason it was his favorite was because of her too. Sitting on the dining table everyone thanked Allah for food and started to eat with everyone making little conversations. He felt satisfied after tasting the food and kept eating. Finally, when he was full and could not eat more he stopped. Syra was watching him with an amused gaze wondering, 'Does he loves kadhai that much that he ate 6 naans (flatbread)'
A small smile adorning her lips. He looked at her and saw her smiling gazing at him, she instantly turned her gaze away, afraid he might catch her looking. Her mind a jumbled mess just like her feelings. The blush creeping up on her cheeks. Looking up once more their eyes clashed and he was able to see the stars in her eyes, shining brightly. His limerence knew no bounds. It was not just limerence, it was so much more than that. For she was his raison d'être. (Reason to live) Cleaning the table, she decided to wash the dishes, just so she could avoid seeing him, or more precisely her thoughts about him. Her feelings were a mess, so confusing and contradicting. At one time she thinks she likes him, the other she does not know if she does. So jumbled, so messing. 'Can this mean something?'. 'Perhaps, just my silly assumptions.' Ignoring her feelings she focused on the work at hand. Her heart was at ease after such a long time, her mind relaxed from any negative thoughts, she felt as if she was free. There is a quote of Virginia Woolf that she loves and relates to the most. It says, 'My mind turned by anxiety, or other cause, from its scrutiny of blank paper, is like a lost child–wandering the house, sitting on the bottom step to cry.' Maybe, just maybe, a bit of it does match her. Perhaps, a little, tiny part of it. But it certainly does not scare her the way the question of choosing does. The word choice itself puts her in a life and death situation. The thing she had come to dread now is the question of choosing to live her life or to have her husband. A certain question that does not have any chances of ever being asked or put forward. But still, the thought of it itself scares her to her very core. Because, despite everything, she knows the answer to this question and it surprised her, how in such little time, she had come to admire the person she now calls her husband. Despite the stories revolving him, despite the ocean of sharks that is determined to keep his image bad, dirty, and untidy. For her the question is not too hard to answer, for she can answer it in a heartbeat, a breathing second, a blink of any eye. She can answer this question instantly and honestly. Because in all this there was no choice to make, there was no choice to be scared of. In the end, her answer will always be what she knows it is now, it will always remain him over anything. Her answer in a blink of an eye, in a heartbeat, in a dying second would be only him. Her husband.
☆ He saw her running from him. He wanted to hold her and bring her back to where she was, he needed more time to adore her. The space between them was stopping him from doing so. He wished this space would leave soon. That his love will be reciprocated and his heart will no longer be in pain. Oh, how cruel love is, it plays with a man and pretends to be naive. He, however, would make no such moves anymore. His heart could bear no longer the tortures of her tongue.
"Shahmeer?" The voice of his mother-in-law broke his reverie and borough him back from his Lala land.
"Yes, Ammi." (mother)
"What happened child? I have been calling your name for over 5 minutes." She was worried and he smiled at the way she cared. No matter the circumstances, she had accepted him in her family and he was glad.
"Nothing was just thinking about important stuff. Tell me what do you want to talk about it if you want anything. I'm here and I'll gladly do any of your work." His politeness still touches her heart every single time and she knows that her daughter had been blessed with a gem.
"I don't want anything, I just need to know when the rukhsati will take place?" Her question bought back painful memories and he did not want to remember them. He wants them to stay buried in the deepest corners of his mind.
"Um, my parents will come and they will talk to about this, don't worry. But from what I can guess is that the farewell will happen soon because I had signed the papers that gave the whole empire to me. I have to go back to Lahore soon". He uttered these words all the time with flashbacks of that unfateful night. The pain engulfed his heart and constricted his every part. Shaking her head he looked up at her.
"MashaAllah that is good news, I am so proud of you." She blessed him and his heart who was dying in pain now lived in bliss of her blessings. A small smile touched the corners of his lips.
They didn't know about time and kept discussing affairs related to everyone. Soon night fell and after dinner, it was his time to leave. Bidding his goodbyes he left from there. Unknown to the figure who lingered in the window and watching him going secretly. The silence of the night did nothing to lessen the pain both were feeling.
