Nameless

Chapter 6 All I need

Author notes: English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).

Disclaimer: This work does not contain any kind of medical or mental health care advice. It's just this author bulshitting her way out of this story.

Author notes 2: Thanks to @SunnyAlSorna and @JJSin2020 for editing this. All remaining errors are totally mine. Thanks for your votes and comments, they really motivate me to keep writing.

Author Notes 3: The song is See All I need by Within Temptation.

Chapter 6  All I need

Defining moments in life come in different shapes and colors. For some, it's graduation day and for others it's a wedding day or the birth of their first child. For Wang Yi Bo it was the moment he almost fell on his ass.

After their rocky start, Zhan and Yi Bo were able to remain civil and actually talk to each other. Bo showed Zhan his home and they were able to talk about their interests in general. They found they had more in common than they initially had thought.

Zhan started visiting Yi Bo several days a week as part of Dr. Yu's socialization program. It was awkward at first, but common interests prevented pregnant silences.

One of their common passions was astronomy. Both of them loved to look at the sky at night to watch the stars and constellations. The seven sisters held special interest for both of them. Yi Bo showed Zhan his telescope system and he was truly impressed by it.

Their talks about astronomy consumed all their time together. Zhan was really interested in Electra, whereas Yi Bo was almost obsessed with Alcyone. Camaraderie started to grow from there as weeks passed. Zhan found it easier to talk to Yi Bo.

One day, when they were discussing Sirius, the brightest star visible in the Northern hemisphere, Yi Bo asked Zhan about his past.

"Can I ask you a question, Zhan?" Yi Bo started hesitantly. He had wanted to know more about Zhan for a while now.

"Sure," Zhan responded, intrigued by Yi Bo's tone. He knew Yi Bo was not a shy person in spite of all his challenges.

"Do you...? You really don't remember anything before they found you?" Yi Bo asked.

"No, I don't," Zhan answered, "I know it sounds unbelievable. Sometimes, I wonder myself if that part of my life is real or some kind of nightmare."

"Do you want to? I mean, do you really want to remember? What if something very bad had happened to you?" Yi Bo questioned Zhan. "Aren't you afraid to know?"

"Sometimes I wish I was like anybody else. Just a normal guy with a common background, without any complications, but..."he stopped.

"But?" Yi Bo asked, extremely curious.

"But sometimes I want... no, I need to know who I really am, where I come from," Zhan told Yi Bo. "I think... no, I feel there is something more about me, about my fears. I... I don't know."

"Has someone...? I mean... Have you ever remembered something about it?" Yi Bo continued. He was really interested. Zhan had never been that open about it before that day.

"Remember? No, I've never, but..." Zhan was not sure if he should tell Yi Bo about his strange dreams.

"Please, go on," Yi Bo pleaded.

"Some things, some odd things started happening a year ago," Zhan paused, unsure. "I started having these... dreams."

"Dreams? What kind of dreams?" Yi Bo looked at Zhan expectant. Could that be related to the anxiety he started feeling around a year ago without an apparent cause on top of his pre-existing conditions? Yi Bo thought.

"I don't remember those, just... the sensation of falling down, which for me is really horrible," Zhan explained, grimacing. He wanted to change the topic as fast as he could.

"What about you?" he asked Yi Bo.

"What about me?" Yi Bo answered playfully. "I'm a person of no interest."

"I seriously doubt it," Zhan remarked. "What caused your phobias?"

"Ah Mr. Xiao, straight to the point, I like that." Yi Bo smiled at Zhan.

"Would you like me to beat around the bush?" Zhan replied, trying to keep his tone light.

"Of course not, I wouldn't have you any other way," Yi Bo said turning serious. "They don't know the cause, never have and I'm afraid, never will."

"Do you want to know?" Zhan asked.

"Of fucking course. I need to..." he paused, "I need to know why so I can fix it... fix me."

"Do you really need to...?" Zhan said quietly.

"What? Fix me? Of course! I want to get better," Yi Bo felt a strange pull within his chest.

"I get that you want to get rid of your phobias, I also do," Zhan stated, looking forlorn all of the sudden, "but I don't think neither of us is really broken, we are just... a little unwell."

"Whoa! Never took you for an optimist, Mr. Xiao," Yi Bo joked.

"I need to be... we need to be..." Zhan said, looking Yi Bo in the eyes, "otherwise... what will be left for us?"

"Maybe oblivion...maybe nothing at all," Yi Bo replied, turning serious, "maybe we are just the disposable elements of the Universe."

"I refuse to be disposable," Zhan stated. "I want my life to mean something... anything... for me or for someone else."

"I don't know if it counts as meaningful, but...I appreciate you keeping me company," Yi Bo said, feeling suddenly nervous, "it means a lot to me."

Zhan jerked his head to look at Yi Bo, he was surprised by Yi Bo's admission. "You are welcome," he said, smiling.

"Come on!" Yi Bo said, feeling self-conscious, "let's go find something to eat. I'm hungry."

Zhan eyed him suspiciously, but said nothing. He stood up and started following Yi Bo to the kitchen.

Arriving to the kitchen, Yi Bo went to the pantry and got bread and different toppings to prepare sandwiches.

"Do you even know how to make a sandwich?" Zhan teased Yi Bo.

"But of course," Yi Bo huffed indignantly, "I was planning to make one for you, but I see you have no faith in me."

"I have faith in you... I just don't believe in your culinary abilities," Zhan kept on, "you don't seem to be the domestic type."

"Oh really? What type I am, according to you?" Yi Bo asked, looking at Zhan.

"I don't know," Zhan fake-guessed, "the nerdy type, maybe?"

"Fuck you!" Yi Bo laughed. "I'll show you. Do you want mustard?"

"Yes, please."

Zhan observed as Yi Bo looked for a mustard jar in the pantry. His gaze went up, to the top shelf. It was too high for Yi Bo to reach it. Yi Bo searched for the small pliable ladder that was supposed to be in the kitchen. He finally found it and set it. He climbed it and when he was about to grab the mustard jar, he lost his balance and fell backwards.

Zhan was watching. At the moment he saw Yi Bo was about to fall, he reacted instinctively to reach him. It had been an unconscious reflex on his part. He reached Bo just in time to avoid the fall and grabbed him by the waist.

Time seemed to stop, Zhan regretted his actions almost immediately remembering Yi Bo's haphephobia. Shit, he thought, bracing himself for Yi Bo's panic attack. Trying to remember that song that had hummed to him, to no avail.

To his surprise, the panic attack never came. Instead, a stupefied Yi Bo looked at him with big eyes.

While Zhan was holding Yi Bo in his arms, Yi Bo reached a defining moment in his life and realized two things: first, Xiao Zhan could touch him without triggering a panic attack and, second, he was attracted to Zhan. Well, shit! He thought.