the new year

fifty-three

F I F T Y - T H R E E :

ᴍɪɴᴏʀ ᴛʀɪɢɢᴇʀ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ᴅʀᴜɢ ᴍɪsᴜsᴇ, sᴜɪᴄɪᴅᴇ

The ice cold liquid drenched her from top to tail as the daggers still pelted down onto her already soaking wet head, the amount of rain that bounced off of the ground was exactly like the amount of tears she had shed over the last three days and it wasn't stopping. This was what she thought she deserved, she deserved to feel numb, she deserved to feel uncomfortable because that was only a small fraction of what Tom had felt for God knows how long.

Thankfully, he was now properly awake and was being closely monitored and quizzed by professionals to get to the bottom of what exactly it was that was making him feel so down that he resorted to overdosing. Tom was giving the silent treatment though, he hadn't spoke to one person since he awoke, it was like he was there physically and he could take everything in but he wasn't there in his head, he was anywhere but.

Everyone had tried their best to get through to him but nothing seemed to work, his closest friends had been a few times to try and coax a laugh out of him but it was like communicating with a brick wall. He was responding but unresponsive. He was breathing but wishes he was dead.

Every time Oak had been there and sat by his side, yapping on about things that made him happy or at least she thought they did, broke her heart. She couldn't begin to understand his pain and sure she'd felt pain before but the sort of pain he was in was indescribable, he was in a room screaming but it was soundproof, he was outside a door knocking but everyone ignored it.

It had got to the point where she would just sit by his side so he knew she was there, so he knew he wasn't alone and that was enough for her, being there with him was enough to ease her mind at the fact that, although he felt it, he wasn't alone. When she thinks back to all the times they had an interaction, which was almost every single day, she now realises that there were signs she was just too fucking blind to see them clearly. She blamed herself massively, she felt as though it was solely her fault that he wound up like he did because she didn't notice the signs, twice.

The first time it had happened she was wrapped up in her own shit because about a year and a half ago, when Tom overdosed for the first time, the situation with their dad was at it's peak, he'd come around to their house everyday to 'visit' and would hurl abuse at her behind everyone's backs and would give her a new bruise near enough everyday and as a result she was so withdrawn from everything and would be anywhere but home getting stoned off her head, in attempts to take away what her dad had done. The second time, she just didn't see it and it fucking killed her every single time she looked at his face, if she'd have just known he could've been okay.

She'd been walking for the last half hour or so, trying to come to terms with what she'd done and trying to wash away everything she could by potentially giving herself hypothermia.

Every step she took her feet made that awful squelching sound that also made your feet rub against each other abrasively, but she didn't care. For the last three days she'd been in a complete daze as the memory from finding Tom laying there replayed in her head like a broken record over and over and over and over, it was haunting her for not figuring out that there was something wrong.

As she turned down Wykebeck Street, that she didn't realise she was anywhere near, she heard a car follow behind her and a sense of relief washed over her she repeated just fucking take me, go on, I don't give a shit anymore, shove me in your boot and kill me, I deserve it. The car didn't stop right beside her, it drove further up the street then pulled up by the curb like it was waiting for the girl to approach. Usually, Oak would do a runner and call the police but right now, she couldn't give a shit if she got abducted and be tied in someone's basement, she felt like that was the only reasonable thing to punish her for what she'd done.