𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 | 𝖼.𝗌 𝗑 𝗃.𝗐

o̸n̸e̸

warning: descriptions of self-harm

as wooyoung placed another title back in its correct space, he heard whispering and giggling from behind the bookshelf. like everyday for the last five years, he hoped the whispering wasn't directed at him. he finished replacing the books and returned to the counter in the bookstore he worked at.

"you done with that, woo?" asked his boss and best friend, jeong yunho.

"um, yes... sorry" whispered wooyoung in reply.

yunho took in wooyoung's hunched-over form and the way his hands shook slightly as her pressed the buttons of the cash register.

"woo, you okay?" he asked carefully, "did something happen over there?"

wooyoung remained silent.

"I have no problems with kicking anyone out" his best friend of eight years announced, a little too loudly.

"shh! it's nothing - I'm just being paranoid"

yunho left it at that. he didn't want to draw any more attention to the small boy. he had spent a lot of time protecting the younger boy since the incident five years ago. he had tried to ignore it at first when wooyoung had arrived at work with fresh bandages around his arms, or when he heard him crying softly in the staff room at lunch. he tried to be positive for wooyoung to take his mind away from his troubles, but he couldn't ignore these things forever.

as yunho walked away from the counter to see to a customer who needed his help, wooyoung stole another glance in the direction of the group who had been whispering earlier. they were still sneaking looks at him through the collection of books on the shelf. he knew that they knew. lots of people in the town recognised him. he didn't even bother to say anything, he deserved people to look at him. he deserved people to laugh at him.

"you get going, woo" yunho offered as he returned to where wooyoung was stood. "it's nearly five, I can handle it from here"

wooyoung sighed. he knew it was hard for yunho to have him as an employee sometimes. it was often hard for him to put on the fake customer service smile he needed. plus the people who would stare...

"I'm sorry, yunho"

"don't say sorry, woo. it's all good, I promise" yunho smiled.

wooyoung didn't waste any time in grabbing his things and leaving. no matter what, he could never wait to get home so he could just hide himself under the covers, away from the world.

as he ran home through the rain, jacket over his head for shelter, he felt a familiar urge cloud his mind. arriving home and taking a look in the mirror, he felt worthless. his jeans were drenched, his blonde hair a messy mop on his head, dark circles under his eyes - he looked like shit, he thought. he knew he would be giving in tonight.

his apartment was empty - him being the only one who lived there since changbin left. it was growing dark, but he didn't feel the need to switch on the light just to look at the empty space before him.

he walked to the fridge and grabbed a soda before heading into his room and collapsing onto the bed. yunho had often suggested him getting a pet, a cat or something else low maintenance. it wasn't good for him to be so alone all the time, he'd said. but the only person he'd want to move in with him was yunho himself, but he was too busy with his boyfriend, mingi. yunho had tried to set him up with someone too, but that had never worked. wooyoung would always cancel the day before. he was worthless, so why would anyone want to willingly spend time with him?

but he truly felt so alone. his family lived out of town and his only friend was yunho. he was the only one who had stuck around through everything.

the sadness crept in at the same pace as the darkness fell over the town and wooyoung couldn't handle the deafening silence anymore. he walked to his bathroom cabinet in the near darkness and picked up a razor. without even contemplating, he snapped a blade from the head of the razor and sat down on the toilet seat.

he carefully pulled up the sleeve of his hoody, careful not to dislodge any of the bandages that were already in place, and found a clean patch of skin. without any pre-amble, he placed the blade onto his arm and pushed down, piercing the milky white skin. blood quickly arose and dripped down the length of his arm.

a tear slipped from his eye as he moved over to the next bit of skin with the sharp blade. his whole body was a mess. white lines were littered over his skin in every possible place. but no one would ever see him without clothes anyway, so it didn't matter. plus, this is what he deserved.

after repeating this for ten or fifteen minutes he let the blade drop to the floor and leant back onto the wall, feeling his arm pulsating with pain by his side.

he was no more contented than he had been twenty minutes ago, but he couldn't imagine not doing this almost every night. in fact, the only nights he didn't do this was when yunho forced him to go out and "enjoy" himself. it was somewhat bearable if it was just him and yunho, but if mingi was there, he found himself just watching the couple and feeling the emptiness inside him increase by the minute. he would love to have a relationship like yunho and mingi's. but he wasn't like yunho. he was nothing. no one would love him in the way mingi loved yunho. he had resigned himself to that fact.

after a while, he got up and returned to the bed where he would stay for the rest of the evening, only getting up to change into his pyjamas. he thought about how tomorrow was his day off - not that he really needed one, he didn't exactly have a life outside the bookstore. the only thing he would do on his day off was visit the local cafe and get lost in his current favourite novel.

with books, wooyoung could disappear into a different world, a different life, for a while. aside from yunho, it was one of the only things that brought him happiness.

that was, until he met choi san.