𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 | 𝖼.𝗌 𝗑 𝗃.𝗐

f̸o̸u̸r̸

"I killed somebody"

the words rang in san's ears. did he hear wooyoung right?

"...you... killed someone?" san asked tentatively.

wooyoung took in the change in san's expression and went to get up from the couch. he knew this was going to happen. no one could deal with the truth.

"I'll get going..." wooyoung spoke.

"wait! no, don't leave" san cut in.

tears formed in wooyoung's eyes as he picked up his bag and stuffed the plushie back inside. san also rose to his feet.

"please don't leave, wooyoung. it just wasn't what I expected you to say" san said. it came out calm and composed but san was close to pleading with the small boy. he was drawn to him for some reason and wanted to do what he could for him.

but wooyoung had other ideas. he moved to the door and reached out for the handle - but before he could grasp it, he felt a hand on his shoulder followed by a voice,

"wooyoung, please wait"

he hesitated before lowering his hand and cautiously returning to his place on the sofa with his head hidden in his hands. instead of going back to his own seat, san placed himself next to wooyoung.

"please uncover your eyes" he whispered. but as wooyoung rubbed his eyes dry, the sleeve of his hoody fell below his wrist and revealed to san so many cuts, both fresh and old, in such a small space. a sadness fell over san as he took in the sight. "I want you to tell me everything" he added softly.

"I don't deserve to live" wooyoung sobbed. san immediately arose to fetch wooyoung a tissue from the side table.

"please dry your eyes, wooyoung. you don't need to cry - I'm here for you"

wooyoung took the tissue from san and dried his tear-stained skin. after a few minutes, he continued,

"I didn't mean to. it was an accident, I promise"

"I'm very sure it was" san acknowledged.

"it was... it was a car accident. I killed a young girl"

san simply nodded for him to continue.

"I took my eyes off the road for a second and she was just there"

"when was this?"

"when I was seventeen. I had only passed my test three months earlier. it was a mistake, san"

"I know it was. please tell me what happened after that"

"nothing... they checked everything and it was just an accident. so I had to attend a course but... I surrendered my license and promised to never go near a car again"

san felt his heart break for wooyoung. to go through all that trauma at just seventeen must have been the worst thing in the world to live with.

"and what has your life been like since then?" san asked the weeping boy.

"I don't have a life. people stare..." wooyoung trailed off. "...changbin left me..."

"who is changbin?" asked san.

"he was my boyfriend"

san took a deep breath. "okay. thank you for sharing all that with me. it's a really positive first step. you were very brave, wooyoung" san smiled.

wooyoung looked up into san's face. how could he possibly still be smiling? but he was. and his eyes were so endearing, wooyoung felt like the doctor truly cared for him. san got up and went to sit back opposite wooyoung.

"firstly, I need you to know that what happened was a mistake" he began, "a terrible mistake, yes. but it doesn't make you a terrible person. it could have happened to anyone"

wooyoung said nothing but continued drying his eyes. as he felt his sleeves falling he quickly pulled them back up to hide the scars. but san had already seen them.

"wooyoung, do you ever hurt yourself?"

wooyoung crossed his arms feeling ashamed. hadn't he divulged enough information for one day?

but san pressed him to answer. "wooyoung?"

"yes" he answered reluctantly.

"how often?"

"everyday"

san felt a pang of sadness inside him. this boy didn't deserve to go through so much pain.

"do you think you deserve it?"

"I do deserve it"

san felt an overwhelming urge to just go over and wrap wooyoung in a tight hug and tell him he didn't deserve it one bit. but he was his doctor.

"no matter how much you hurt yourself, it won't change what happened. it won't take it away. you have to learn to live with it"

"I can't live with it"

then another thought crossed san's mind. "have you ever tried to take your own life?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"yes, a few times. but I had changbin... and there's yunho"

"who's yunho?"

"my best friend"

"okay, and what happened with changbin?"

"we went out for a couple of years but... it all got too much for him... the staring and... me-"

"-he didn't deserve you" san quickly spoke before remembering himself. "what I mean is, you deserve better than what he had to offer you"

"I think it's the other way round" wooyoung said sadly.

san sighed. "our time is nearly up today, wooyoung. I would really like it if you came back next week"

wooyoung hesitated before he answered. something about the doctor made him feel like he could maybe handle one more week of grilling.

"okay" he replied.

"same time next week?"

"okay"

-----

as wooyoung exited the doctors' office he took a deep breath of fresh air. but it wasn't long before he was interrupted.

"woo!" yunho called.

"were you waiting for me?"

"yes, I wanted to be here for you in case dr. choi was a dick"

wooyoung laughed at this remark. "he wasn't a dick. he was nice..."

yunho squinted at wooyoung. "nice?"

"it wasn't as bad as I thought"

"that's great, woo! I'm really proud of you. will you go back?"

"yeah, uh, I think I will"

"any particular reason?" yunho giggled.

"dr. choi was nice. he made me feel welcome"

"he was cute wasn't he?"

"shut up, yunho! he's my therapist!"

yunho just laughed audibly. "come on, let's go get coffee"

and so he did. but his attention only stayed with yunho very briefly. and then his mind was over taken with thoughts of dr. choi san.

and san couldn't stop thinking about wooyoung either.