𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 | 𝖼.𝗌 𝗑 𝗃.𝗐

s̸i̸x̸

warning: descriptions of self-harm

"you will never be a burden to me"

san spoke the words while realizing that he'd only known wooyoung for a week and was also in a position of care for wooyoung. but wooyoung didn't seem to mind. in fact, he let a small smile creep across his face at the words.

"where are your parents?" san asked, changing the subject.

"they live out of town"

"do you keep in touch a lot?"

"...well, kind of. but... they changed towards me after the incident"

wooyoung remembered how he felt that his parents tried to avoid him as much as possible after the incident. they were always going on trips without him and chose to eat out a lot. he never opened up to them about how he felt as he thought he'd caused them enough pain. so eventually he decided moving out would remove the problem completely. the problem being himself.

"I think they were ashamed of me"

"ashamed? really?" san asked, astonished. how could they be ashamed when wooyoung had done nothing on purpose? he could tell wooyoung was a kind and innocent individual after just two sessions, so how his parents didn't know he couldn't have done anything on purpose, he didn't understand.

"yes - I think changbin was a bit too. the only person that hasn't been is yunho. he's always been there for me, no matter what. the way he acted towards me never changed"

san smiled at this. he was glad that wooyoung had someone, at least.

"do you have any other friends?" he ventured.

"well... no. there's seonghwa who works at the cafe I usually go to but I don't think he would count me as a friend"

"would you like to make more friends?"

"yes" wooyoung squeaked out. 

san smiled a sympathetic smile. he wanted to say "well I'll be your friend", but this definitely wasn't appropriate... was it?

there was a silence before san asked, "how's the coffee?"

"it's good! thank you" wooyoung replied with a brighter smile.

"you should smile more, you have a great smile" san let the words slip out.

wooyoung looked up from his coffee into san's eyes. his tantalisingly piercing eyes. wooyoung couldn't deny that san was the most attractive guy he had ever met. and did he really just say that to him?

he didn't know how to reply. "t-t-thanks" he stuttered.

"sorry, that was unprofessional" san apologized.

"I don't mind"

-----

at the end of the session, wooyoung promised san he would return next week and the two parted ways.

"take care of yourself, wooyoung" said san. "...please" he added.

as wooyoung walked away he felt himself become hot under the collar. and it wasn't from the layers he had on his body: it was from dr. choi. he pulled himself away from the fantasies and reminded himself that he definitely couldn't feel this way about san.

he decided to call yunho to tell him about the session - take his mind off of how good san had looked today. but as he opened his phone, he saw a notification. it read: seo changbin posted a new photo.

wooyoung had no idea why he'd decided to keep changbin on his social media; just seeing his face in his profile picture made him depressed. but taking a deep breath, he clicked on the notification.

it was a photo of changbin and another guy. he clicked to see who was tagged in the photo. hwang hyunjin. whoever that was. but then he read the caption. it said: my boyfriend is better than yours.

boyfriend. changbin had a new boyfriend.

wooyoung stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and felt his chest becoming tight. he knew changbin would never take him back, but it still hurt a whole lot to see him with another guy.

this hyunjin was so handsome. he looked so cool, edgy - confident. he looked like he was everything wooyoung wasn't. wooyoung didn't know who he was, and most of the time he didn't want to be anyone.

he continued walking, knowing exactly what he was going to do when he arrived home.

-----

and sure enough, he took the blade from the bathroom cabinet and began to pierce the flesh of part of his arm that had been untouched for a while.

he thought about how he would never be able to settle down with anyone because he just wasn't good enough for anyone to stick around for long. it was only a matter of time until san got tired of him too, he thought as he pushed into his skin even harder.

by the time he had finished, blood had begun to pool on the bathroom tiles. feeling sick and light-headed like he always did, wooyoung reached up to the cabinet where he also kept fresh bandages. but his hand found none available. he stood up to get a better look but cursed when he saw none were there. but with the damage he'd done, he would bleed for hours.

so he grabbed the hand towel and held it to his arm. he would have to go to the pharmacy and get bandages. he didn't really care if he got an infection for himself, but he couldn't let yunho down at work.

so he put on his shoes and headed towards the pharmacy around the corner, the towel still pressed to his bloody arm.

-----

"I cut myself doing some garden work" wooyoung lied to the lady behind the counter when she asked what in the world had happened to him.

he answered her before returning to look for the bandages he usually kept. he usually bought quite a few at once and sometimes used other places so the workers at this pharmacy wouldn't think he had issues. even though he had a lot of them.

god, it hurt this time. he could feel the small towel becoming increasingly more wet as the blood drenched the material. but no one would ever know. no one would see.

"wooyoung?"

a voice sounded from behind wooyoung and anxiety rose in the boy as he realised who the voice belonged to.

relecutantly, wooyoung turned to face the owner of the voice, letting his arm be seen in full view.

what the fuck was dr. choi doing here?

"shit" came san's voice again. "oh my god, wooyoung..."

"I'm sorry, san" was all wooyoung could think to say.

"give me those bandages" san ordered. "I'm going to pay for them - and then I'm taking you home..."

"...and I'm not letting you out of my sight for the rest of the night"