BROKEN VOWS

Chapter Six. (We could pretend...I guess?) part 2

Ben's POV.

Warning this chapter talks of child abuse ⚠️

As I stepped through the front door, escaping the drudgery of a day cut short by illness, I was met with a scene that would shatter my fragile calm. Rainbow, that tiny, tousled bundle of energy, sat perched on the kitchen island, her small back a defiant wall between us. The glow of the iPad cast an ethereal light on her curls, and the sound of her mama's voice drifted through the air, a gentle hum that seemed to reverberate deep within my chest.

Something about the scene felt off, like a discordant note in an otherwise familiar melody. And then, like a cold wind on a winter's night, I heard it – a single word that made my heart stumble, my feet root to the spot. "Adoption."

The room seemed to tilt, the colors bleeding together as my mind reeled. Adoption? What did it mean? Was Rainbow...was she leaving me? The thought was a knife to the gut, a searing pain that left me breathless. I felt like I was drowning, unable to process the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me.

I'd been bracing myself for this moment, anticipating the inevitable conversation that would shatter the fragile facade of our family plans. My wife's mother had always been vocal about her desire for grandchildren, and I'd assumed that the topic of adoption would eventually arise, a convenient smokescreen to conceal our own fertility struggles.

But nothing could have prepared me for the visceral impact of hearing her utter the word "adoption" out loud. It was as if the ground beneath me had shifted, leaving me reeling.

The truth, hidden behind a mask of assumptions and unspoken expectations, was that we'd never actually discussed children. Not once. I'd always imagined that it would happen naturally, an effortless progression from the euphoric highs of our honeymoon phase. But now, confronted with the harsh reality of our childless marriage, I felt like I was staring into an abyss, the silence between us a deafening reminder of our unspoken doubts and fears.

The moment our eyes met, time froze. The air was heavy with unspoken words, unresolved emotions, and the weight of our fractured relationship. I felt like I was drowning in the depths of her gaze, unable to escape the anguish that seemed to radiate from her very being. After an eternity of silence, I blinked and, without a word, turned and walked away.

The sound of her cries echoed through the hallway, a heart-wrenching reminder of the pain I'd caused. But I couldn't bring myself to go back to her. The chasm between us had grown too wide, the hurt and resentment too deep. I'd lost the ability to communicate with her, to navigate the treacherous landscape of our emotions without inflicting more harm.

Before Rainbow burst into my life like a ray of sunshine, my existence was a desolate wasteland. A never-ending cycle of pain, fear, and desperation. But perhaps it's time to confront the ghosts of my past, to unravel the tangled threads of my story, and to reveal the scars that have shaped me into the person I am today.

My mother was the quintessential small-town girl with big-city dreams, my mother's story was supposed to be a fairy tale. She left her humble beginnings behind, bound for the bright lights and bustling streets of the city, with aspirations of becoming a country singer. And then she met my father...but that's where the fairy tale ended.

My childhood was a grim reality, a far cry from the happily-ever-after I'd seen in movies. The only times I saw my father at home were when he was wreaking havoc, his addiction-fueled rage directed at my mother. I remember the sound of his fists pounding against her fragile body, the sickening crunch of bone on bone, and the anguished cries that still haunt my dreams.