Fearless Love

Capítulo Dieciseis

As I thought that my life right now is a mess, mas may ilalala pa pala.

"Ma'am Mavic, gusto pong magpatawag ng board meeting nang dahil sa naluluging bagong project ng kompanya," Tatiana said in the intercom and I just closed my eyes for a little bit in order to relax myself.

I can do this.

I got this.

"Ok. Please tell them to be ready in thirty minutes."

"Right away, ma'am."

Simula nang bumalik ako mula sa San Diego ay lahat na lang problems ang sumasalubong sa akin. Even if I feel so much anger for my parents ay ayaw ko naman na mawala lang sa wala ang lahat na pinaghirapan nila lalo na if it will all be because of me.

I don't want this company to fail.

I cannot let this company to fail.

"As you can see, our company's latest project which is giving smile to the little ones is not earning our company some profits instead it produces loss that affects the company as a whole. A million of loss is a lot for our company to take  especially that a few months are just a short period of time. We needed to take action about this immediately because if not, the whole company is at stake."

"Miss Reyes, we understand na malulugi tayo dahil sa bagong project mo. But we didn't expect na ganito ito kalala. If this will continue, our investors will soon be gone, with us not knowing it."

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay tumulong at the same time ay palaguin ang company pero bakit kabaliktaran pa ata ang nangyari.

It is as if, I'm against all of them. The look of disappointment in their eyes is a lot for me to take.

What if my family will know about this?

I couldn't afford to lose their trust they gave me just to handle this company.

I promise to myself that I will be better than my parents'...

The meeting ended at hanggang ngayon ay wala pa ring solution ang maaring magawa. If we just cut-off the project, bigger losses will happen.

I didn't know what to do anymore.

First, Raphael.

Second, my parents.

Now, the company.

I have to save this company. No, I need to save this company!

Wala na akong magagawa sa nararamdaman ni Raphael at sa mga nagawa noon ng magulang ko but I can still save the company. That's what I hope so.

"Mavic, ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa'yo na masamang malipasan ng gutom," pangaral sa akin ni Adrian when he enters my office.

"I'm not hungry," saad ko habang pinag-aaralan pa rin ang mga reports. I didn't even remove my eyes from the papers I'm holding.

Narinig kong nagbuntong-hininga siya at pagkatapos ay kinuha niya ang mga documents na binabasa ko.

"You can't save the company if you are in the hospital. Kaya kung ako sa'yo, kumain ka muna at ipagpatuloy mo na lang ito mamaya."

I looked at him. "Hindi mo kasi naiintindihan, Adrian. Hindi pwedeng bumagsak ang kompanya because of me. Dugo at pawis ang ibinigay dito ng magulang ko. I can't just waste it."

"Kung ako ang tatay mo, mas gusto ko pang malugi ang kompanya kaysa dalawin ko ang anak ko sa hospital na may malubhang sakit dahil pinabayaan niya ang kalusugan niya para lang masalba ang kompanyang 'to," aniya at umiling na lamang.

"But..."

"No buts. Tumayo ka na riyan at kumain na lang tayo sa pinakamalapit na kainan. Then we'll go back here as soon as we can. I promise."

There's no point of arguing lalo pa't tama siya. I just didn't want this to fail. Lahat na lumubog, ito na lang ang meron ako. I can't just give up on this now.

When we arrived at the nearest diner ay agad naman kaming nag-order ni Adrian ng food. Isa pa he's also suggesting ways para sa problems sa kompanya in which I totally appreciate.

"Bakit hindi ka humingi ng tulong sa kuya mo? I heard he's a business prodigy."

"Kakasal lang ni kuya last month. I don't want to be a burden to him."

"How about your parents? Kahit advices man lang galing sa kanila," aniya dahilan upang ngumiti na lang ako nang mapait.

I still remember kung anong nangyari three days ago. I don't want to get any help from them.

I can do this. I wanted to that believe I can.

"Adrian, I wanted to fix this problem without their help," I answered.

He nodded. "I understand."

My eyes are now fixated at the man na kakapasok lang. Our eyes met pero dahil sa hiya ko sa kanya sa nagawa ng magulang ko ay minabuti kong ako na ang unang bumitaw ng tingin namin. 

Kung nasa tabi ko lang sana siya sa panahong ito ay siguradong hindi ako makakaramdam ng self-doubt kung kaya ko ba talaga 'to. But the sad reality slaps me hard. He wasn't with me anymore. I don't know if the days I'm with him counts na we were in a relationship.

Stop thinking about that! Those days were all just lies.

Kahit gaano ko pa ipilit, hindi pala pwede dahil siya mismo ay ayaw naman sa akin.

"Mavic," tawag sa akin ni Adrian at bakas ang pag-aalala sa kanya.

"Ha?"

"You're crying again," aniya dahilan upang hawakan ko ang cheeks ko at tama nga siya. Umiiyak na naman ako.

Ano bang nangyayari sa akin?

Hindi naman ako ganito. Hindi naman ako emotional na kind ng tao. I don't want to be like this. But how?

"Why? Makikinig ako kung kailangan mo nang lalabasan ng sama ng loob," wika niyang muli pero umiling lang ako habang pilit ngumingiti

He sighed then nodded. "Let's continue eating."

After we finish our lunch ay agad naman kaming bumalik sa company. I cannot waste anymore time. I need to review everything and strategize.

I wanted to bury myself to work para makalimot sa mga nangyari sa mga nagdaang araw at isa pa ay kailangan ko ring patunayan sa kanila, lalong-lalo na sa self ko na alam kong kaya ko.

Maja Victorina, despite everything that's happening, still don't let your confidence to falter. 'Yan na lang ang mayroon ka, huwag mong hahayaan na pati ang tiwala mo sa sarili ay mawala.

Nang dahil sa abala sa work at problems dito ay hindi ko namalayan na gabi na pala.

I sighed.

Kahit gusto kong manatili pa para magtrabaho ay wala naman akong dalang pamalit for tomorrow kung sakaling matutulog ako sa office. Mabuti pa siguro ay umuwi na ako in order for me to rest.

When I arrived home, agad akong kumain ng light dinner at nang makapagbihis na ay inatupag na lang ulit ang work. When my eyes felt droopy and my mind cannot absorb the information I am reading anymore ay napagpasyahan kong matulog na.

Nang makahiga na ako sa kama ay kinuha ko ang cellphone ko. I stared at my wallpaper. It was me and Raphael. I kissed his cheeks and his expression there is priceless.

Napangiti na lang ako sa naalala. I really wanted to let go pero bakit hindi ko mabitawan ang kamay niya nang tuluyan?

I went to my gallery, scroll to our album and there were hundreds of pictures of me and him together, a bunch were my stolen shots of him because he doesn't like taking pictures that much. Pahirapan pa nga ang pagkumbinsi ko sa kanya just for us to take pictures together.

I smiled sadly because of the thought. I stop myself from crying because these pictures were proofs of our memories together. Memories na masakit nang balik-balikan.

I stared at it for a minute before I decided to  finally press delete and I hope from this, I can finally now learn to let go.