"She yawned and blink twice and these can be considered as signs of approaching full recovery"
The doctor reported.
She was diagnosed with Traumatic brain injury due to a car accident when she was four, just last year. It was severe that actually put her in a coma. She's in coma for a year now.
I was so devastated muntik na kong mabaliw. I know I was the one at fault hindi ko siya nabantayan ng mabuti.
I failed her.. I failed as a mom.
The memory is still vivid in my mind like it just happened yesterday and everytime I think about it I experience hell on earth.
But my child needs me, so I need to fix myself.
"Is she gonna wake up?" I asked hopefully.
"We'll see..but I believe she will soon." napangiti ako sa sinabi ng doctor at pinahid ang luha.
"You can go back here the next day Maggie, I'll be attending her. You should rest" Maggie is the one taking care of my daughter.
I'm grateful dahil napakahirap maghanap ng taong mapagkakatiwalaan, lalo pa at hindi ito pilipinas. Ganon din sa mga yaya di tulad sa pilipinas na marami ang willing sa ganong trabaho.
"Are you sure? You just came from cruising. You must be tired" napakabuti niya kaya sinusuklian ko din ng sobra ang gingawa niya.
"No, I'm okay."
I assured her that it's fine bago siya tuluyang umalis.
I make sure that whenever I'm here it's just gonna be our day together. No work, no Chanails, no Chanda's waterspa only Sab and Mommy.
"Morgan Isabeau Bernardo" that's her complete name.
Sobrang saya ko nung dumating siya it was like I was given hope amidst the chaos, a ray of light, my own ball of sunshine and my fire.
Sobrang kulit niya gustong gustong nagpapakarga kahit pagod ako, I would always carry her at ihehele kahit na nga malaki na siya.
Naisip ko noon maybe the life I lived in the limelight was enough to equate a lifetime. Maybe there was no point in living but because of angels that God sent me I realized hindi pa tapos ang buhay.
She's also never shy, she likes attention at para makuha ang atensyon mo kakanta lang siya o kaya a-acting.
Lagi din nagtatanong tungkol sa mga kamag-anak niya sa pinas.
Nung unang dalawang buwan niya dito ay ako ang matiyagang nagbantay sa kanya. Hindi na ako makaalis sa hospital lagi din ako umiiyak. My mom knows all about it kaya pinayuhan niya kong pabantayan sa iba si Sab. She made me understand that I am not only surviving for Sab alone. I was a mess nalagay din sa alanganin ang Chanails at Chanda sa kapabayaan ko.
Masakit man I took her advice. I made a sacrifice. I know it wouldn't be healthy for me to mourn almost everyday for my undead child. She's in coma but she's not dead so there's still hope.
I tried to live normally.
I go out, I shop to lessen the pain but I always find myself going back to my child.
Pero tiniis kong bisitahin siya araw araw. I tried really hard to focus and find my drive para hindi ako tuluyang bumagsak. I learned to be patient ang hintayin siyang magising muli.
You know how painful it is na gigising ka tuwing umaga umaasang iyon na ang araw na mumulat ang mga mata niya and end up waiting for another day again dahil hindi nangyayari ang ipinagdadasal mo.
But it made me stronger somehow, because I have learned how to own my pain, to honor it because it's mine. It made me an enduring mother, mas lalo ko siyang namimiss at minamahal. And I swear gumising lang siya I'll make sure she's gonna be so happy everyday.
