the only way I can fathom getting over her is to label it as recovering. but what am I recovering from? is it her? I think it's the pain. the feeling of losing the love of your life, and knowing she won't be back. I can recover from the heartbreak.
I have to call it this because I know recovery isn't linear. I think of her every day, but it doesn't hurt like this every day. some days I just smile and move on to the next thought. it's days like this where I'm not sure if I'll ever be over her, though. I feel like I'm taking twenty steps back in my progress of moving on. I'm laying here sobbing again, the same way I did the day after she left. will there ever be a time when this doesn't happen anymore? when I don't feel like it's unsafe to think about her for more than a few minutes?
I don't know. that's what makes it so terrifying. god I know it gets easier, but easier doesn't mean easy. it's been 8 months, I'm in a new relationship, I have new friends and new interests. but damn if I wouldn't give anything in my life to have her back. maybe one day I can say I'm recovered instead of saying I'm recovering.
