Carolina and The Fan Non-fiction | H.S

Eight

"Well yeah," I replied, as if it was the most obvious, casual thing to me. "It was funny and cute, what you we're doing."

It sounded better and like a slick dodge in my head. But judging by the hint of change in Harry's face, specially his eyes, he's figured out what I was trying to do. That I was trying to deflect. He was unknowingly expressive like that.

I start to think that I should've just went along with it. Might have saved us from being in an awkward position, both physically and emotionally. Except that it's going to more complicated after. For me, at least. I don't know about him.

"It's a cute moment," I added as my last attempt at being convincing. I felt a little relief when I see a little smile from him. I immediately glance back up to his eyes. It won't be good for me staring at his lips like that.

"You think I'm cute?" he retorted. I feel flushed.

He was damn good at cornering me like that. At catching me off guard, scrambling for a response. He should be an investigator. He'll probably know the right things to say to crack a lying witness or a suspect in denial.

"Hmm, I don't know," I played, raising a brow, "what do you think?"

And that's when I find the timing. That question was the only smartest thing I've ever come up to steer clear of defining everything around us. I walk away giggling, leaving him a little behind to think for himself.

I feel him catch up and I silently pray he didn't come up with anything that would send me into haywire again. The night is young. Yes, at around 10 o' clock, it still very much is. Maybe later then I'll finally confront my own fears and his questions and his presence overall. It sounds selfish. I sound selfish. But I really don't want to make the mistake of ruining this for the both of us. If this is the only night and only moment we'll ever have.

"I think we should go up and check out the rest of the conservatory," he said, standing beside me.

I tried to read his eyes, searching for a sense of regret maybe that he brought me, a boring, non-kissing girl over to his nook. I was worried that he'd already realized this is all for nothing and that without a kiss to culminate all the conversations and flirting and hand-holding then there's really nothing else to look forward to. That maybe he just wants to get this shit done.

But I may have inflated the negative in my head. I'm not used to his kindness which was at a level that qualifies him to be an angel. To be fair, it's not easy for us who are probably used to little cruelties in everyday life. It's hard not to assume the worst and build up a wall so that the impact of a flood is eased regardless of how kind a person is.

Anyway, he looked as excited as when he told me he wanted to show me something. There's no trace of irritation or disappointment on his face. He's smiling even, the corner of his eyes wrinkled. And when he laced his fingers with mine, guiding me upstairs to continue this, I finally relax again.

We were now at the top. Aerial plants hang from the roof while cacti grew from the floor. It was every bit of a tropical oasis in here. A bit like home.

I chuckle as Harry bends down every time we come across a hanging plant. Boy, he really is tall.

An idea clicks in my head, "Harry."

He stops walking ahead and turns to me.

"Could you maybe stand here?" I asked, pointing towards the spot where a lot of hanging plants are.

He follows, joking, "Great. I'll just knock my head in more potted plants?"

"No silly," I said, "I'll use them as background."